Online dating -- Should you talk on the phone before meeting first?

[Anonymous]

I don't like to talk on the phone first. I don't want to give out my phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, how long do younusually message someone before suggesting a date? (in general that is I know there are lots of variations depending on the circumstances)

It really depends on the frequency/length of the messages, but generally within 5-10 messages back and forth each, depending on their length. Essentially, if you're messaging each other once daily (which I don't find to be too huge a time investment) you message for about a week after you meet them, meet up within 10 days-2 weeks, dependent on your schedules.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP above, and I meant to say that you message for about a week after the first online contact, then meet up in person within 10 days-2 weeks of that first online contact, dependent on your schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, how long do younusually message someone before suggesting a date? (in general that is I know there are lots of variations depending on the circumstances)

PP here and DH (met wife on Match) - I think we exchanged maybe 3 messages - very short - before making plans to meet for coffee after work. Plan was a ~30 min short meeting...knew something clicked when they kicked us out for closing 3 hours later.

[Anonymous]

I personally do phone screenings. Connecting with someone romantically is supposed to be rare so it’s easy to screen out people who are not great conversationalists/smart/funny for me. It’s interesting to see most people like to meet right away. As I understand their side to not waste time or feel them in person, I cannot live w someone I JUST vibe w or have chemistry with. Like those people are fun to hang out w but not talk to forever.

[Anonymous]

Chemistry is very social to me and I want to make sure he looks like on photos. I don’t give my phone but almost always have a video check-on on the apps.

Yes, there were cases where the guys looked 20 years older, acknowledged still not being divorced or even threatened to kill me.

[Anonymous]

I would do a FaceTime video call. Phone is for old people.

[Anonymous]

Woman here, early 50s, HATE phone calls! So awkward to have a screening call with a possible date.

I do like texting for a while before meeting. A good texting relationship (or messaging, or whatever) absolutely cannot guarantee chemistry in person, but it's great for ruling people out before you waste time meeting. You learn a lot about someone from text conversations. I don't like waiting too long to meet, because I agree that sometimes long texting relationships quickly come to nothing with there is no in-person chemistry, but I rarely agree to meet someone in person if we've only exchanged a few short texts.

Currently in a relationship that started with a couple weeks of texting, because he was traveling when we first started talking.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man. Some women want this. I don't really mind. I've never flunked my phone interview. Some women have flunked theirs!

I usually use the phone feature on the app. I don't usually give out my phone number, though I have a few times with no bad consequences. The apps usually allow you to talk with voice only or on video.

[Anonymous]

You can go on Google and get a phone number that you give out to online dates. You don't have to give out your real cell number.

[Anonymous]

No, phone calls with a stranger isn’t natural conversation anyways. I do a coffee meet and greet.

[Anonymous]

Phone through app.

You can learn a lot just by listening to someone. You can definitely pick up on education and many still have extreme anger about their ex spouses and blame their ex spouses for 100% of the marriage failure.

Why waste gas? Phone or facetime.

[Anonymous]

Don't you want to know if the guy has a heavy accent and people can't understand him?

[Anonymous]

Good way to see if they are a bot or foreign spammer.
You can also look up their phone number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can go on Google and get a phone number that you give out to online dates. You don't have to give out your real cell number.

Google Voice numbers are mostly used by drug dealers and prostitutes.

NOT a good look. Just an FYI