Caught 15 year old starting a fire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such acts have often been associated with the rage and confusion of sexual molestation. The fact that these were his toys hints at self-blame.

(burning up personal items belonging to someone else would be an entirely different story)

Loosing control of his bowels indicates pure terror. This child needs serious help, now. I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter. Please do not delay obtaining help for this kid!

I wrote this earlier, and feel compelled to clarify the forgoing:

"I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter."

It's not terribly serious to be enthusiastic about fires at all. Some people have mentioned, quite rightly, having gone through a "pyro" phase, for example. The kids who got in trouble had unfortunate neighbors and worse cops. They were not at all messed up until their normal boyish behavior was criminalized (unjustly). What I meant is that the risk of getting into huge trouble is there.

It's the 15-yr-old's reaction to having been yelled at that is very worrisome to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for kids to want to experiment with fire. Let him do so in a safe way.

How many kids do you know who have experimented with fire?

+1 Unless there's some extenuating circumstance, it's considered an indicator of emotional disturbance, along with hurting animals. OP, I think you should seek counseling support for your son and possibly therapy for the entire family as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such acts have often been associated with the rage and confusion of sexual molestation. The fact that these were his toys hints at self-blame.

(burning up personal items belonging to someone else would be an entirely different story)

Loosing control of his bowels indicates pure terror. This child needs serious help, now. I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter. Please do not delay obtaining help for this kid!

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. Boys specifically tend to go through a pyro stage.

I finally told my son we would have designated fire time. He had to tell us what he wanted to try (burning shit, spraying Lysol in front of a lighter, etc.) and he got to do it supervised. Sometimes we had a bucket of water nearby, sometimes we insisted it be done outside.

After a few months, the pyro phase passed. Every mother of a boy I spoke with said their sons went through the pyro phase.

This statement is not true, and I don't know of any boys who have started fires, except in a fireplace or grill.

[Anonymous]

I had a job booking appointments in the outpatient psych dept of a children's hospital. Every child/youth who started a fire that came to attention of the police (even if, as was usually the case, there were no charges) had to come to our clinic for an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

For gods sake, he was burning toys, not an animal. By all means, talk to him but no need to label him as a crazy pyromaniac at this point. Poor kid shit himself????

[Anonymous]

Is he spending any time with an adult who may be sexually abusing your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he spending any time with an adult who may be sexually abusing your son?

Or another kid who may have abused your son? What toys, from which years? Who were they from? Who played with your son when these toys were given?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for kids to want to experiment with fire. Let him do so in a safe way.

How many kids do you know who have experimented with fire?

Many many boyscouts.

+1 beyond it being a safety issue, I see nothing wrong with this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he spending any time with an adult who may be sexually abusing your son?

Or another kid who may have abused your son? What toys, from which years? Who were they from? Who played with your son when these toys were given?

This....

[Anonymous]

Curiosity with fire is pretty normal, but obviously not safe. My DH regularly builds campfires in the backyard with our boys to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. Our boys are now in scouts now so they get a lot of extra safety training through the scout activities.

Get one of those portable metal firepits and show your kid how to build a safe fire and teach him what he should and should not burn. This is one of those times where the more information he has the better off he will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for kids to want to experiment with fire. Let him do so in a safe way.

How many kids do you know who have experimented with fire?

Many many boyscouts.

+1 beyond it being a safety issue, I see nothing wrong with this at all.

A campfire is not the same thing as starting a fire with toys. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for kids to want to experiment with fire. Let him do so in a safe way.

How many kids do you know who have experimented with fire?

That would be every male I know who grew up in the unsupervised 1970's. It's normal unless he's deliberately trying to hurt someone or cause large-scale damage (such as arson). That doesn't mean it's correct for him to play with fire without supervision. Show him how to build a proper fire in a fire pit or a barbecue grill. Make a list of things that should never be burned such as batteries and aerosol cans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he spending any time with an adult who may be sexually abusing your son?

Or another kid who may have abused your son? What toys, from which years? Who were they from? Who played with your son when these toys were given?

You're reading way too much into this. Burning stuff is normal. Not safe, but normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such acts have often been associated with the rage and confusion of sexual molestation. The fact that these were his toys hints at self-blame.

(burning up personal items belonging to someone else would be an entirely different story)

Loosing control of his bowels indicates pure terror. This child needs serious help, now. I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter. Please do not delay obtaining help for this kid!

I don't think the kid actually did that ... just a phrase!!

I'd be watching him carefully, OP, and thinking back if there have been any other red flags.

What is the reason he gave?

He told me he was bored and I admit I snapped at him for doing something as reckless and dangerous as this.

Obvious safety issue, but doesn't sound like a serious mental health issue, OP. Posters are jumping to conclusions. My older brother's an actual sociopath, and there's no way he'd lose control over his bowels if my Dad spoke angrily to him.