Caught 15 year old starting a fire

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such acts have often been associated with the rage and confusion of sexual molestation. The fact that these were his toys hints at self-blame.

(burning up personal items belonging to someone else would be an entirely different story)

Loosing control of his bowels indicates pure terror. This child needs serious help, now. I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter. Please do not delay obtaining help for this kid!

I don't think the kid actually did that ... just a phrase!!

I'd be watching him carefully, OP, and thinking back if there have been any other red flags.

What is the reason he gave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such acts have often been associated with the rage and confusion of sexual molestation. The fact that these were his toys hints at self-blame.

(burning up personal items belonging to someone else would be an entirely different story)

Loosing control of his bowels indicates pure terror. This child needs serious help, now. I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter. Please do not delay obtaining help for this kid!

I don't think the kid actually did that ... just a phrase!!

I'd be watching him carefully, OP, and thinking back if there have been any other red flags.

What is the reason he gave?

She said "literally shit his pants." That indicates that he actually physically shit his pants.

[Anonymous]

OP = I think you do need to deal calmly with the situation so that there is not more escalation in DS emotions although Dad yelling at him for what he did and for what might have happened is quite a normal reaction. I would contact your son's pediatrician, tell him directly what happened and asked for a referral to the most appropriate therapist for a mental health screening. Time is of the essence - not a month out - maybe a week. Try and get DH on the same page in talking with DS about the plan to get him the opportunity to talk to someone in a non-threatening environment about what happened and why. Then from the therapist to see if family counseling is in order might also be appropriate. This is not something that a teenager would normally just "explore." And the sharp reaction to Dad's reaction may or may not indicate some tension there that need to be examined. You need to take all combustible items out of the house and he should not be alone at home until he is seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did he react?

He was scared and litterally shit himself when DH screamed at him. I don't know why DS did it, but he's never done it before.

Professional help for the whole family ASAP. Is your son afraid of your husband in general?

OP here, Ohh god no, DC and DH are very close. No, he was afraid of the way he yelled at him because he's not used to being yelled at at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such acts have often been associated with the rage and confusion of sexual molestation. The fact that these were his toys hints at self-blame.

(burning up personal items belonging to someone else would be an entirely different story)

Loosing control of his bowels indicates pure terror. This child needs serious help, now. I know of kids who started small fires who were arrested and labeled arsonists. It's a very serious matter. Please do not delay obtaining help for this kid!

I don't think the kid actually did that ... just a phrase!!

I'd be watching him carefully, OP, and thinking back if there have been any other red flags.

What is the reason he gave?

He told me he was bored and I admit I snapped at him for doing something as reckless and dangerous as this.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. Boys specifically tend to go through a pyro stage.

I finally told my son we would have designated fire time. He had to tell us what he wanted to try (burning shit, spraying Lysol in front of a lighter, etc.) and he got to do it supervised. Sometimes we had a bucket of water nearby, sometimes we insisted it be done outside.

After a few months, the pyro phase passed. Every mother of a boy I spoke with said their sons went through the pyro phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for kids to want to experiment with fire. Let him do so in a safe way.

How many kids do you know who have experimented with fire?

Many many boyscouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal. Boys specifically tend to go through a pyro stage.

I finally told my son we would have designated fire time. He had to tell us what he wanted to try (burning shit, spraying Lysol in front of a lighter, etc.) and he got to do it supervised. Sometimes we had a bucket of water nearby, sometimes we insisted it be done outside.

After a few months, the pyro phase passed. Every mother of a boy I spoke with said their sons went through the pyro phase.

My DH did this stuff with his friends at this age. I might be a bit more concerned that your DS was doing it alone.
But the shitting in the pants is very concerning at this age. Any other red flags with your DS, OP?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I wouldn't be concerned with the fire. But I'd be concerned about the involuntary BM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I wouldn't be concerned with the fire. But I'd be concerned about the involuntary BM.

+1

[Anonymous]

Take him to an art studio where they blow glass and let him admire the power and beauty of a well controlled fire that has a purpose. If he's just a normal guy he might be really impressed and want to take a class or two. I think all boys are pyros but hey fire is a thrill even more so under controlled conditions.

[Anonymous]

I went through a pyro phase when I was a kid. And I am a female. I burned everything with a candle - including hair on my arms!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for kids to want to experiment with fire. Let him do so in a safe way.

How many kids do you know who have experimented with fire?

Many many boyscouts.

Girl scouts, too! Many firebugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I wouldn't be concerned with the fire. But I'd be concerned about the involuntary BM.

+1

OP - please clear this up - did your kid actually do a bowel movement when he was yelled at? Or were you just using an expression? I don't think people really lose bowel control when they are shocked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aumm, yeah at this point I would be more concerned your 15 yo shit his pants.

Lol