Really, how do I make friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small neighborhood in a small town. If you work from home no one knows because, well, you don't come out. If you tell the neighbors you work in IT they will assume you run a porn site like the guy down the street and then try even harder to avoid you. If your neighborhood has other young families things may improve unless they are super religious and then they will insist on interviewing you and grilling you on God and Country. Get a dog because it forces you to go outside and it is a friend magnet in the neighborhood. They will assume if you like animals you're ok. The other option is to find friends outside of the neighborhood. Is there an art gallery? Coffee shop? Bridge club? Book club(although the religious freaks run the one in my neighborhood)? To be honest I don't try to meet new neighbors because so many are either immoral or too moral. Nothing normal is really available. I think the problem with any small town is it's lack of diversity.

Here's the kicker - I AM devoutly religious, but apparently the wrong kind. And DH is allergic to dogs. We have a cat, but obviously cats aren't friend-makers.

Interesting hypothesis about them thinking I run a porn site, though. You're likely not far off.

[Anonymous]

Bake a cake and go next door and say, "Hi, I live next door and. I baked this cake and wondered if you'd like to share it with me." worse that can haooen is she says no. If she does, do the same with neighbor on other side. Somebody is goibg to invite you in. Voila! You're on your way to making a friend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small neighborhood in a small town. If you work from home no one knows because, well, you don't come out. If you tell the neighbors you work in IT they will assume you run a porn site like the guy down the street and then try even harder to avoid you. If your neighborhood has other young families things may improve unless they are super religious and then they will insist on interviewing you and grilling you on God and Country. Get a dog because it forces you to go outside and it is a friend magnet in the neighborhood. They will assume if you like animals you're ok. The other option is to find friends outside of the neighborhood. Is there an art gallery? Coffee shop? Bridge club? Book club(although the religious freaks run the one in my neighborhood)? To be honest I don't try to meet new neighbors because so many are either immoral or too moral. Nothing normal is really available. I think the problem with any small town is it's lack of diversity.

Here's the kicker - I AM devoutly religious, but apparently the wrong kind. And DH is allergic to dogs. We have a cat, but obviously cats aren't friend-makers.

Interesting hypothesis about them thinking I run a porn site, though. You're likely not far off.

With such a negative attitude, I wonder why it's so hard for you to make friends.

[Anonymous]

Lol I'm so sorry. My neighbors are not my degree of religious so when they invited me to tea I had no idea it was an interview. I found out the first question I got wrong. My neighborhood is mostly ex military current pentagon types. Very uptight not prone to inviting others into their lives. Very polite but not real friends. Almost ALL friends in this town are made through church. I will say there are churches close by but not in town that offer some other flavors. Look in a broader circle you may find a more closely aligned church with friends. When your child starts to do activities you will see a huge uptick in potential friends. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small neighborhood in a small town. If you work from home no one knows because, well, you don't come out. If you tell the neighbors you work in IT they will assume you run a porn site like the guy down the street and then try even harder to avoid you. If your neighborhood has other young families things may improve unless they are super religious and then they will insist on interviewing you and grilling you on God and Country. Get a dog because it forces you to go outside and it is a friend magnet in the neighborhood. They will assume if you like animals you're ok. The other option is to find friends outside of the neighborhood. Is there an art gallery? Coffee shop? Bridge club? Book club(although the religious freaks run the one in my neighborhood)? To be honest I don't try to meet new neighbors because so many are either immoral or too moral. Nothing normal is really available. I think the problem with any small town is it's lack of diversity.

Here's the kicker - I AM devoutly religious, but apparently the wrong kind. And DH is allergic to dogs. We have a cat, but obviously cats aren't friend-makers.

Interesting hypothesis about them thinking I run a porn site, though. You're likely not far off.

With such a negative attitude, I wonder why it's so hard for you to make friends.

How is that negative? I stated facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I'm so sorry. My neighbors are not my degree of religious so when they invited me to tea I had no idea it was an interview. I found out the first question I got wrong. My neighborhood is mostly ex military current pentagon types. Very uptight not prone to inviting others into their lives. Very polite but not real friends. Almost ALL friends in this town are made through church. I will say there are churches close by but not in town that offer some other flavors. Look in a broader circle you may find a more closely aligned church with friends. When your child starts to do activities you will see a huge uptick in potential friends. Good luck

LOL. What was the first question?

I'm so looking for to DC getting older and actually socializing...

[Anonymous]

I remember your thread from before. You keep posting this problem, shoot down all the suggestions (have you tried any from the last thread?) and are pretty clear that you take no responsibility for the situation.
Are you waiting passively for other people to befriend you? Have you baked cookies for the neighbors and brought them over (or something of the like?) Have you started a Moms group? Invited your husbands coworkers over?
I don't mean to be harsh, but you sound like you have your defenses up, opinions made, and excuses for everything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember your thread from before. You keep posting this problem, shoot down all the suggestions (have you tried any from the last thread?) and are pretty clear that you take no responsibility for the situation.
Are you waiting passively for other people to befriend you? Have you baked cookies for the neighbors and brought them over (or something of the like?) Have you started a Moms group? Invited your husbands coworkers over?
I don't mean to be harsh, but you sound like you have your defenses up, opinions made, and excuses for everything!

My husband has never introduced me to his coworkers. He says I won't like them or their wives. What would you have me do, break into his laptop, find their information, and invite them over myself? As for the neighbors, when I say as much as hello, they turn on their heels and walk back into their house. I can't bake them cookies when they don't even say hello in return. You don't think that would be a little strange? And start a mom's group? With who, exactly? I don't know anyone. I did create a meetup group that is sitting empty, months later.

It seems like you're either a SAHM with a large social network or a WOHM with a child in daycare who doesn't understand how isolating telecommuting is.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you are in a new area with little support and quite a lot of home bound responsibilities. Which of course doesn't help you to be adventurous. It would not fly in my neighborhood for you to bring a cake or cookies over. Next time you wave hi to a neighbor ask them some tiny question like where's the best place to have dinner? Do you have a hammer I could borrow? That way you give them a chance to be helpful. They might start giving you all kinds of ins and outs on what the locals think is a good time. If it goes well ask about other families with small children and see if they know of any nearby.

[Anonymous]

Your husband might be right about the wives. It could be he hasn't been welcomed with open arms yet either. My recommendation is for the two of you to be selfish for a little while. If possible make weekends about exploring other surrounding areas. Just day trips or lunch trips. Your husband will want to be home but you need to get out. Find some compromise and indulge.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried any of the suggestions from your last post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small neighborhood in a small town. If you work from home no one knows because, well, you don't come out. If you tell the neighbors you work in IT they will assume you run a porn site like the guy down the street and then try even harder to avoid you. If your neighborhood has other young families things may improve unless they are super religious and then they will insist on interviewing you and grilling you on God and Country. Get a dog because it forces you to go outside and it is a friend magnet in the neighborhood. They will assume if you like animals you're ok. The other option is to find friends outside of the neighborhood. Is there an art gallery? Coffee shop? Bridge club? Book club(although the religious freaks run the one in my neighborhood)? To be honest I don't try to meet new neighbors because so many are either immoral or too moral. Nothing normal is really available. I think the problem with any small town is it's lack of diversity.

Here's the kicker - I AM devoutly religious, but apparently the wrong kind. And DH is allergic to dogs. We have a cat, but obviously cats aren't friend-makers.

Interesting hypothesis about them thinking I run a porn site, though. You're likely not far off.

With such a negative attitude, I wonder why it's so hard for you to make friends.

Assuming that they think you run a porn site. It's an assumption. So you will treat them accordingly assuming they have this judgement about you. Which at the moment, is all in your head. Do you really not see your negativity? I live in a town of 5000 and have since September. Also in the complete opposite sIde of the political spectrum from where we came from. I'm a WAHM with a 3 year old in preschool. I have not had the issues you do and your town has 10,000 more people than mine (froM your prior post). You have an attitude problem. Seems you don't want to see it, but fine. The fact that you think EVERYONE has negative judgments TowArds you makes it clear you are part of the problem.

How is that negative? I stated facts.

[Anonymous]

Join a playgroup for when you have time to go. I met people at the local playgrounds. I also met people at the community pool. It was real easy to meet people when you have a lo. Just start chatting about the other persons kid, or ask questions about parenting.

If you get really chatty with someone, ask to meet up for a playdate, exchange numbers.

[Anonymous]

Op, what region is the town in?

[Anonymous]

Pick something to do at the same time and day every week. Pick several somethings (saturday brunch at specific diner, sunday church, tuesday night bowling with DC and DH). Then do them. Talk to people you meet. Eventually, proximity with become familiarity will become friendliness. Then invite people to get together. Boom. You are now friends.