Child embarrassed by apartment; won't do playdates at home

[Anonymous]

My kids went to our neighborhood Ward 3 school as apartment dwellers. There is a significant divide between the apartment dwellers and the SFH high contribution HSA families and the cliques are real to protect this upper crust. Few will own up to this but my children received many comments over the years about small shared space and pity over their lack of backyard. The pandemic years exacerbated the issue when the well to do families podded off in their neighborhoods and yards.

[Anonymous]

We live in a house but most of kids friends live in apartments. My kids would love to go to their places but rarely get an invite. When I say would love to, I really mean it. Have them over.

[Anonymous]

Your DD is challenging you to be a strong parent. This is a pivotal moment. Step up now, and put he back on the right track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD in first grade definitely noticed our SFH was smaller than her friend's SFH. So, yes, they notice.

My DS's class compares housing prices. Not the actual ones, of course, but what they think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to DC last fall from a pretty dense urban area where most of our friends lived in apartments, as we did there.

Now we're in a new apartment in downtown DC. Most of the kids in her class (she's in third grade) apparently live in houses. Apartment living never bothered her in the past, but she's suddenly become very embarrassed by it, to the point where she doesn't want to ask friends over. (Which puts us in an odd position, not being able to host others' kids after they have hosted ours.)

As far as I can tell, none of her friends or adults have teased her about living in an apartment. She's just noticed it, in this new context, and says she "feels poor now." (We're not: just middle-class people in an expensive city. We have no plans to buy a house here - can't afford one, and we likely will not be here for more than a few years.)

Anyone dealt with this before? Do kids get over the "embarrassed" feeling after a while? Anything you can do to make them feel more secure?

When we first moved to MoCo from middle america, I was embarrassed about living in a townhouse when everyone else had large colonials. Until, I realized that many of the kids who had it all also lived in apartments.

[Anonymous]

We are from NYC where apartments are normal and also they are small. Most play dates are in public spaces and tbh I do not want random children in my living space. Keep it a temple. We only have home playdates with families we are friends with. First meetups are at the museum like a family day or something like that, or the park. Model how to not care about other peoples judging, by not caring 🤗

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a house and DD (4th grade) has a friend who lives in an apartment. She thinks it's the coolest thing ever -- they have an elevator! and a balcony! Why don't we have an elevator?!

If you are friendly with the parents of any of her friends, perhaps invite a whole family over for dinner so the focus is less on just DD and her own friend. Hopefully, just having one friend over and it going well will help her get over it.

This was mine too- we live in boring house but all the other kids get to live in cool apartments and they have balconies and views and everything!

[Anonymous]

My second grader has several friends who live in apartments, and she now tells me that she can’t wait to live in an apartment when she grows up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved to DC last fall from a pretty dense urban area where most of our friends lived in apartments, as we did there.

Now we're in a new apartment in downtown DC. Most of the kids in her class (she's in third grade) apparently live in houses. Apartment living never bothered her in the past, but she's suddenly become very embarrassed by it, to the point where she doesn't want to ask friends over. (Which puts us in an odd position, not being able to host others' kids after they have hosted ours.)

As far as I can tell, none of her friends or adults have teased her about living in an apartment. She's just noticed it, in this new context, and says she "feels poor now." (We're not: just middle-class people in an expensive city. We have no plans to buy a house here - can't afford one, and we likely will not be here for more than a few years.)

Anyone dealt with this before? Do kids get over the "embarrassed" feeling after a while? Anything you can do to make them feel more secure?

apartment living for upper middle class families is not really a thing in DC, especailly for white families. Its definitely not NY where its completely normal for UMC families to raise multiple kids in an apartment. Most UMC families may start in a condo but once elem starts, they are in a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are from NYC where apartments are normal and also they are small. Most play dates are in public spaces and tbh I do not want random children in my living space. Keep it a temple. We only have home playdates with families we are friends with. First meetups are at the museum like a family day or something like that, or the park. Model how to not care about other peoples judging, by not caring 🤗

I loved how after the initial covid isolation everyone still met up outdoors for a year or two. It was great! Now my oldest just wants to have friends over to play video games, and they're totally uninterested in parks, sadly.