Child embarrassed by apartment; won't do playdates at home
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Anonymous
| Have you considered moving to a house? |
Anonymous
Really, PP? |
Anonymous
| My DD in first grade definitely noticed our SFH was smaller than her friend's SFH. So, yes, they notice. |
Anonymous
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Any chance that she has told some tall tales about the mansion that she lives in? Kids sometimes do that and then get embarrassed to fess up to the truth.
In fact, 3rd/4th grade seems to be the age when these little tales are told. I remember it happening when I was a kid. I don't think that the kids were embarrassed about their own real homes as much as they were embarrassed about bragging about being rich. |
Anonymous
| We just moved to a tiniest house in suburbia, and our 8th grader is embarrassed to have friends over. For some reason he didn't have problems inviting them in a tiny townhouse we have rented for several years... |
Anonymous
Mine, too, but she doesn't care. |
Anonymous
| Our DS said he was embarrassed to have friends over before we updated our kitchen. He hated the peach laminate counters. But that didn't stop him from inviting over friends he'd had a long time, just new people he met in school. |
Anonymous
| The Vanderbeekers is a really cute kids book series for right about that age, the family is amazing, and just happen to live in an apartment! Their apartment is a big source of pride, and some in the plot revolves about how much they love it. |
Anonymous
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My 3rd grader has experienced this off and on for a while. We live in a tiny city house (not DC) but she goes to a school in a nearby neighborhood with vast lots, waterfront, basements, guest houses, etc. She usually loves our house but not when it’s our turn to host a Girl Scout meeting or we’re having a gathering of friends who don’t come over regularly and some kid makes a not-so-innocent comment. Some of the things kids have said include “where’s your playroom”, “where’s your basement”, “where’s the rest of the house?”, “why is your kitchen so small?”And “is this your whole house?” (I’ve had that thought sometimes). It stings when it comes from someone with multiple wings in their house or inherited wealth from a famous grandparent. We’re proud of our house and hustled to get it, but we also know there is bigger and better out there.
Some kids are shockingly rude and your kid may have experienced that. You’d be surprised what I’ve overheard as a invisible mom volunteering at various stuff- kids know a lot more about money and real estate costs than I did as a child, and some kids really brandish that information in the older elementary grade. DD is definitely is more attracted to friendships with friends from similar backgrounds to ours and her closest friend is in a small townhouse and shares a bedroom with an opposite-gender sibling. Ask your child if there is anyone she does want to have over 1:1 or on an outing. I also try to have an activity to do. An involved craft or baking project keeps the playdate from going into house tour/hide-and-seek territory. |
Anonymous
Just FYI- if you rent and have talked vaguely about a future move or renewing a lease, the plot of the first book might cause a bit of stress for a sensitive kid. Great series, though! |
Anonymous
Sadly this has never been the case. I grew up in a small bungalow in Atlanta and went to a private school. I had over for a playdate in second the next day someone came up to me and asked me why I didn’t have a TV. I said it was in my parent’s room. Then they said my “friend” had also told them I had a small house. Kids are very aware of this at a young age and can be quite mean about it. Our current nanny has told us stories of how the former family she worked for (who had a way bigger house than us) sent their kids to private and in K kids would come over and say “your house is small” or “you don’t have a playroom!” OP- Your daughter is aware of status and wealth and I would try to talk through this with her but also understand her concern may be in response to a prior experience. FWIW growing up much less wealthy than my peers and dealing with this was hard. Even though I know live in a $2 million house outside of NYC because the area is so expensive it’s not big and now my kids are living the same situation that I did. I remind them that we have a great house that is pretty great even if it’s not an 8,000 sqft mansion with a pool like many of their classmates. |
Anonymous
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It’s been 8 years since the original post.. OP may well have moved by now.
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Anonymous
| Oh my 10 year old daughter thinks living in the apartment is so cool - we have gym, roof top, pool, outdoor movie theatre … all her friends spend tons of time here |
Anonymous
| I grew up in a big house in Cleveland park and loved visiting my friends in apartments. I just thought it was so cool to live in an apartment. For some reason I thought lobbies were really cool. |
Anonymous
| Give it a few years. I was just like your dd growing up until I hit the tween years and suddenly everyone realized we could walk places by ourselves from my city place and suddenly their huge suburban houses didn’t compare. We live in the city, and the same is now happening for my kids. I went through years of hearing about how they only wanted to do play dates at friends w/ big yards. Now the friends all want to come to our place to walk to get ice cream, etc. Give it a few years. |