I feel like everyday is a shit day since having kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone going to flame you OP because what you're saying doesn't match the saintly mother myth hat society crams down our throats. It's okay to think life wih kids sucks. It's okay to say you're unhappy. You don't have to fake like everything is perfect. Society dictates that having children is the only thing that can truly fulfill a woman. Of course we know that's wrong.

There's a huge difference between saying everything is perfect and "I'm unhappy 360 days a year." Either extreme is unsettling. OP presented at one of those extremes.

[Anonymous]

OP and a few others - I just really want to thank you for sharing YOUR reality, even if it isn't the perfect picture that people are supposed to paint as parents. No one is "supposed" to say they regret having their kids (not that you did, but the DH who admitted it). You're not "supposed" to say you want to run away and have your own place.

DH and I are smack in the middle of deciding to have kids or not, and we really have some serious reservations. The only messages we get from IRL people is "OMG kids are so amazing." Nobody seems willing to talk about all these really hard truths that happen to some people. I appreciate that you are talking about them. I can absolutely see us falling into a similar situation. While we might regret not having kids, I feel like that is a preferable regret to regretting having them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!

Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.

What?? I loved when my kids were three!! And no fuzzy memory here because my youngest is four.

I currently have a 3 year old and love it. Now the colicky baby I also have? Please send help.

[Anonymous]

Fuck the naysayers. You're not alone OP. I have a friend that had 3 kids under 5 years old and she moved back home (overseas) to get help with raising them because it really does take a village to raise a child. Her workaholic husband stayed back in the US to continue working. That friend of mine is much happier now. She's found herself again and is enjoying life again. She doesn't have to worry about housekeeping, cooking, or childcare there because she has lots of people to help her with it. When the kids are older, she plans to come back. Anyway, kudos to you for having 2 young kids, two years apart. In America, that's quite a feat. You're doing the job of many people in other countries. Hang in there. You're not alone. You're a great mom. Don't let the negative nancies make you feel any less, you're doing the best you can. Everything will be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!

This is so helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children (ages 3 and 5) take turns having bad days. The one day they are good, I will have a crappy day at work. DH, who is normally pleasant, will have a bad day if everyone else is in a good mood.

I feel like everyday is a shit day for one reason or another.

I used to have such a wonderful life before having children. 360 out of 365 days were good days. Now I have 360 bad days out of 365 days. The 5 days that are good are usually vacation days when I go away alone.

You need some time for you at least 1 hour 3 times a week. Doing something you thoroughly enjoy, uninterrupted. It is refreshing, and you come home with a different perspective. I've had horrible months like you, but now I take art classes once a week and twice I do yoga. Both away from my husband and kids. It really has helped me a LOT.

[Anonymous]

Look, it's not that motherhood is such a wonderful, sainted experience. Sometimes it truly does suck. Regardless, you have the kids now and there's no turning back, so better to find a way to be happy with that.

Lower your expectations for what you will accept as a good day. No one went to the ER with life threatening injuries? Good day. Marriage is still intact? Good day. A few random moments where the kids played well together or said "I love you mommy"? Good day (even if minutes later the kids were fighting or throwing tantrums at the top of their lungs). It's all in how you look at it, OP. One day soon you will look back on these times and realize they were more good than bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!

Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.

What?? I loved when my kids were three!! And no fuzzy memory here because my youngest is four.

I think some 3 yos are a lot more dramatic than others. I see 3 yos at church who seem hyper, but not super dramatic. DD is insanely dramatic/ turns everything into a tragedy. Dinnertime! Nooooooo! Bathtime! Noooooooooo! Time to clean up the toys! Noooooooo! Bedtime! Nooooooooooooo! Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!

Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.

What?? I loved when my kids were three!! And no fuzzy memory here because my youngest is four.

I think some 3 yos are a lot more dramatic than others. I see 3 yos at church who seem hyper, but not super dramatic. DD is insanely dramatic/ turns everything into a tragedy. Dinnertime! Nooooooo! Bathtime! Noooooooooo! Time to clean up the toys! Noooooooo! Bedtime! Nooooooooooooo! Etc.

My oldest had severe tantrums at 3. SEVERE. At first we tried to appease him, but that degenerated into more tantrums. After reading some books and talking to the ped, we decided ignoring him was the best bet. But it was so hard to hear him crying and kicking and screaming. The books said the child would stop in a few minutes, but my son would cry for an hour straight!!! He would be so tired that he would fall asleep right at the place where the tantrum took place. It was nerve wracking for my husband an I to hear our DS and not going to him. It worked, with consistency he realized that he was not going to get a brownie if he screamed for an hour. So his tantrums went from an hour, to half, to a few minutes. But it took a couple of months. Parenting can be so stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone going to flame you OP because what you're saying doesn't match the saintly mother myth hat society crams down our throats. It's okay to think life wih kids sucks. It's okay to say you're unhappy. You don't have to fake like everything is perfect. Society dictates that having children is the only thing that can truly fulfill a woman. Of course we know that's wrong.

Society doesn't dictate this. Pretty much everything in our society, from career fulfillment to leisure time, is set up for the enjoyment of the childless.

I think you're confusing the biological urge to procreate plus women who have unrealistic expectations (want children but don't understand what parenting entails) with society. What we agree on is that it's okay to think life with kids sucks, but OP should do something about it -- get counseling, give up her kids for adoption, etc., not just suffer for the rest of her life.

Wrong. The nuclear family and woman-as-mother is very much the default societal standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and a few others - I just really want to thank you for sharing YOUR reality, even if it isn't the perfect picture that people are supposed to paint as parents. No one is "supposed" to say they regret having their kids (not that you did, but the DH who admitted it). You're not "supposed" to say you want to run away and have your own place.

DH and I are smack in the middle of deciding to have kids or not, and we really have some serious reservations. The only messages we get from IRL people is "OMG kids are so amazing." Nobody seems willing to talk about all these really hard truths that happen to some people. I appreciate that you are talking about them. I can absolutely see us falling into a similar situation. While we might regret not having kids, I feel like that is a preferable regret to regretting having them.

We are in the same boat as leaning towards not having them. I'm reLly starting to understand the phrase misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, ages 3 - 5 were some of the BEST days with my preschooler. I cannot imagine having a bad day with them at that age. Want bad days? Wait until they are teens...OMGosh!

Your memory must be blurry because almost every mom I know with a 3 year old thinks age 3 is the worst. We all say terrible twos were a breeze compared to the threes.

This is what I hear, too. I'm a little behind and my oldest is 2.5, so I am afraid. Very afraid...

[Anonymous]

I get it. Some people find drama more stressful and nerve-jangling than others. To never a go a day without some would really be a grind. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children (ages 3 and 5) take turns having bad days. The one day they are good, I will have a crappy day at work. DH, who is normally pleasant, will have a bad day if everyone else is in a good mood.

I feel like everyday is a shit day for one reason or another.

I used to have such a wonderful life before having children. 360 out of 365 days were good days. Now I have 360 bad days out of 365 days. The 5 days that are good are usually vacation days when I go away alone.

I also had kids close together and the best advice ever given to me was to get the kids in the bath once they start melting down...or even before the melt down if you can anticipate it. Sometimes they would take two baths a day...but the water really soothed my two and three year olds. If not the bath, can you take them to the pool? Water is just so calming for everyone.

It does get better. Please don't place crazy high expectations on yourself in terms of what your house looks like or even what you look like. These are tough years...but don't expect laundry to always be done, bathroom cleaned, kids hair combed and that is okay. Also, don't be afraid to give the kids chores if you are feeling overwhelmed by house stuff. My son was in charge of using wipes around the toilet bowl. He used gloves and I tell you his aim got better...and this was a good thing bc it was driving me crazy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shut your pie hole, 17:35.

She's right!

She's 200% right!

I don't agree. I really enjoy my teen and tween; my teen in particular is much easier now than when he was little.