I feel like I don't have anything to offer men....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the advice. I'm almost 30, so I have somewhat of an idea of who I am. But I may be interested in guys that are higher than me on the totem pole in terms of career and education. I really admire intelligence and ambition in a guy; but I may not be on an equal wavelength with them. I honestly want to try celibacy and I have before so I know it's possible with the semi high sex drive that I have

Some of this KIND of sounds like self esteem issues but it might be a realistic self assessment.

You know what you have to offer OP? Your company, even nonsexual.

I agree with the other poster that I'm sure you're a catch and worth more than just your body.

[Anonymous]

OP, you mentioned that you are educated with a job. Most men want that. So it is easy to say that you have that to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you mentioned that you are educated with a job. Most men want that. So it is easy to say that you have that to offer.

I'm a guy and am not sure of many guys that look for that. Maybe for wife material?

Most guys are just happy with a girl that pays attention to them and thinks that they have a chance with.

So I'm sure OP will be fine. Maybe just not let guys treat her in a certain way or try to affect how she views herself.

[Anonymous]

Ideally I'd like to be a wife one day, which why I posted the question because I need to make some changes. But that's good to know.

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you?

29

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For right now, the best step forward is to make friends. Do not allow a man to use you for sex, even if it means not having them ask you out. I promise the right man is out there. Focus on building hobbies and making friends, including with men.

I am a DH, but I think this is excellent advice. Be yourself, but "don't hide your light under a bushel" - get out there and do the things you like to do. Also: be open to meeting and talking to guys. All the women I've ever known who are single long term (not by choice) have a way of pushing people away or being too picky (looking for reasons to disqualify a guy)...avoid having a checklist.

I know several "ordinary" women who are quite happily married, and they were never being pursued for the bodies/looks, several of them to guys who are objectively "hotter"...it is about personality, and if you are a nice person and not too picky, there is someone for you.

This was definitely me. OP I had the exact opposite problem. I decided for whatever reason men wouldn't be attracted to me. So I always had a platonic boyfriend. I was probably giving off some "i am not interested in you/dateable" vibes. I saw a therapist for some other issues and we discussed this. And suddenly people were interested in me (or at least I saw that they were.) Confidence goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For right now, the best step forward is to make friends. Do not allow a man to use you for sex, even if it means not having them ask you out. I promise the right man is out there. Focus on building hobbies and making friends, including with men.

I am a DH, but I think this is excellent advice. Be yourself, but "don't hide your light under a bushel" - get out there and do the things you like to do. Also: be open to meeting and talking to guys. All the women I've ever known who are single long term (not by choice) have a way of pushing people away or being too picky (looking for reasons to disqualify a guy)...avoid having a checklist.

I know several "ordinary" women who are quite happily married, and they were never being pursued for the bodies/looks, several of them to guys who are objectively "hotter"...it is about personality, and if you are a nice person and not too picky, there is someone for you.

This was definitely me. OP I had the exact opposite problem. I decided for whatever reason men wouldn't be attracted to me. So I always had a platonic boyfriend. I was probably giving off some "i am not interested in you/dateable" vibes. I saw a therapist for some other issues and we discussed this. And suddenly people were interested in me (or at least I saw that they were.) Confidence goes a long way.

Therapy is a good idea. It has helped for other issues that I've had in the past

[Anonymous]

It's DC-player men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For right now, the best step forward is to make friends. Do not allow a man to use you for sex, even if it means not having them ask you out. I promise the right man is out there. Focus on building hobbies and making friends, including with men.

I am a DH, but I think this is excellent advice. Be yourself, but "don't hide your light under a bushel" - get out there and do the things you like to do. Also: be open to meeting and talking to guys. All the women I've ever known who are single long term (not by choice) have a way of pushing people away or being too picky (looking for reasons to disqualify a guy)...avoid having a checklist.

I know several "ordinary" women who are quite happily married, and they were never being pursued for the bodies/looks, several of them to guys who are objectively "hotter"...it is about personality, and if you are a nice person and not too picky, there is someone for you.

This was definitely me. OP I had the exact opposite problem. I decided for whatever reason men wouldn't be attracted to me. So I always had a platonic boyfriend. I was probably giving off some "i am not interested in you/dateable" vibes. I saw a therapist for some other issues and we discussed this. And suddenly people were interested in me (or at least I saw that they were.) Confidence goes a long way.

Are you married /in a relationship now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For right now, the best step forward is to make friends. Do not allow a man to use you for sex, even if it means not having them ask you out. I promise the right man is out there. Focus on building hobbies and making friends, including with men.

I am a DH, but I think this is excellent advice. Be yourself, but "don't hide your light under a bushel" - get out there and do the things you like to do. Also: be open to meeting and talking to guys. All the women I've ever known who are single long term (not by choice) have a way of pushing people away or being too picky (looking for reasons to disqualify a guy)...avoid having a checklist.

I know several "ordinary" women who are quite happily married, and they were never being pursued for the bodies/looks, several of them to guys who are objectively "hotter"...it is about personality, and if you are a nice person and not too picky, there is someone for you.

This was definitely me. OP I had the exact opposite problem. I decided for whatever reason men wouldn't be attracted to me. So I always had a platonic boyfriend. I was probably giving off some "i am not interested in you/dateable" vibes. I saw a therapist for some other issues and we discussed this. And suddenly people were interested in me (or at least I saw that they were.) Confidence goes a long way.

Are you married /in a relationship now?

No, I am still single.

[Anonymous]

The most I have picked up so far:

1. OP, men only want you for sex EQUALLY as you only want men for sex (which is the case).

2. OP just has not found the right guy yet, so the FWB situation is a filler (which is nothing new...most of us have all been there).

3. I suspect that your past promiscuity has caused you to have lower self esteem than you probably should have. Your post actually says "...I am only good for sex and nothing further..." and I suspect you have implicitly accepted this because you are valuing yourself based on your past.

4. I suspect there is more to this; that there is a reason you might have chosen to be promiscuous, but I suggest not seeking answers here or disclosing that here, but only to a professional. In my experience women like you have much bigger things carrying.

5. Finally, I suggest that you actually go talk with a professional because even when you do find yourself in a committed relationship, these deeper issues will remain unresolved and can only result in a can of worms when times get testy.