S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The gatekeepers of sex"? As though it's a commodity to be traded, withheld, etc.? That's a pretty sad way of looking at what should be a reciprocally pleasurable thing that should only happen when both people are excited about it.

The reason that women are "the gatekeepers" is that I am the only person who gets to decide if I have sex or not. You deciding that I am having sex, without my input, is rape.

I'm a woman. That doesn't change what is a fairly common belief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The gatekeepers of sex"? As though it's a commodity to be traded, withheld, etc.? That's a pretty sad way of looking at what should be a reciprocally pleasurable thing that should only happen when both people are excited about it.

The reason that women are "the gatekeepers" is that I am the only person who gets to decide if I have sex or not. You deciding that I am having sex, without my input, is rape.

I'm a woman. That doesn't change what is a fairly common belief.

Something being common does not make it fair or right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The gatekeepers of sex"? As though it's a commodity to be traded, withheld, etc.? That's a pretty sad way of looking at what should be a reciprocally pleasurable thing that should only happen when both people are excited about it.

The reason that women are "the gatekeepers" is that I am the only person who gets to decide if I have sex or not. You deciding that I am having sex, without my input, is rape.

I'm a woman. That doesn't change what is a fairly common belief.

Something being common does not make it fair or right.

I never said it was fair or right. I said it was evidence that some still women that way.

[Anonymous]

Still see*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of ADULT prioritizes having sex with someone they're not married to over figuring out what's wrong with their marriage?

Here's what annoys me to no end about this response to the situation: there is a presumption that if the cut-off spouse merely tried to "figure it out" there would be a resolution (they'd get sex, affection, emotional intimacy again). That's a completely false premise.

Many spouses do not feel obligated to "work out" the issue: whoever is desiring of less [sex|affection|intimacy], is basically already getting all their needs met...they can just stonewall and ignore the partner left wanting, more or less indefinitely. I think the original question is fair: what kind of person thinks it's ok to make a promise - a commitment - to another person and then just neglect them and walk away from it. Staying in the same house and constantly rejecting them is walking away from their commitment.

Or did you mean "divorce them" when you said "figure out what is wrong"? Maybe I misunderstood that part.

Agree with this. I HAVE tried to figure it out, talk it through, etc. without success. Should I just outright beg him for intimacy? How many years without sex is reasonable? Yet I am not ready to give up on our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then blames a third party ("the OW") when their husband steps out?

And because I knows the world is an equal place, same goes for what kind of man steps out emotionally and physically on his spouse, and then gets angry when she finds someone else to fill her needs?

I think in both cases, straying spouse should be given credit for at least trying to keep their family together for the kids.

Are you the other woman? Are you looking for permission?

Move along.

You came onto her thread. Perhaps you should move along if you don't care for the subject matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting the burden of blame on the OW instead of the cheating spouse is stupid.

Absolving the non-cheating spouse of all blame for the state of their marriage simply because they didn't cheat is also stupid.

And giving the OW a pass on engaging in morally repugnant behavior (i.e. sleeping with a married person) is stupid as well.

When people cheat there are normally multiple people behaving badly to varying degrees - it isn't a situation that normally boils down to a single bad actor.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I imagine I will be.

But what kind of ADULT blames someone else for their marriage failings instead of talking with and improving things with their spouse?

It's easy to make excuses (kids, tired, etc.). It's hard to pay the piper. And the sad thing is, when it comes to pay, these folks never take responsibility for their own part in their marriage falling apart.

Sounds like you're projecting a bit, OP.

So basically you're saying if someone doesn't have sex with their spouse, it's their fault if the spouse cheats.

Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with this. I HAVE tried to figure it out, talk it through, etc. without success. Should I just outright beg him for intimacy? How many years without sex is reasonable? Yet I am not ready to give up on our marriage.

Have your husband talk to my wife. I'm in pretty much the same boat. People who aren't in a sexless marriage don't understand what its like to be constantly rejected by your spouse.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have a great sex life. However he is on guard that I am for real and I am genuinely interested intim and I enjoy having sex with him. Maybe it is because I am 45-years-old, never married, no kids, and I can never have kids. I feel free.

He went through a very painful marriage and divorce from his ex wife, with whom he shared joint custody of their son.

He had an extra mattress in his bedroom, from when she would not sleep with him. He doesn't have self esteem or an accurate idea of his good looks and attractiveness. Her constant rejection of him on a sexual level has really damaged him.

I don't think he cheated on her, though. They were divorced for 5 years when we met.

And I think he was ashamed to let on that his wife rejected him after their son was born. And he was sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

[Anonymous]

That kind of rejection is as bad, if not worse than cheating, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with this. I HAVE tried to figure it out, talk it through, etc. without success. Should I just outright beg him for intimacy? How many years without sex is reasonable? Yet I am not ready to give up on our marriage.

Have your husband talk to my wife. I'm in pretty much the same boat. People who aren't in a sexless marriage don't understand what its like to be constantly rejected by your spouse.

Sorry to hear it but reassuring to know I'm not alone. I totally agree that it's way more hurtful and damaging than others realize.

[Anonymous]

Partners in marriage have responsibility for their marriage. Another party has a responsibility to be a decent human being. It's crappy to insert yourself, and if you're an aDULT, you know it. If you're an OW/OM can't you delay gratification long enough for someone to untangle themselves?

[Anonymous]

Troll troll go away

Come again another day (Or dont... please just stay away actually)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think either spouse deserves credit here, and both deserve some blame.

I have out-of-state friends going through a messy divorce right now. From what I can tell, the wife didn't sleep with the husband very much, for years on end, and the husband kept trying and kept trying and finally walked out and moved in with another woman. I don't know if there was actual cheating. No kids are involved.

I blame the husband for muddying the waters with an affair, but the wife isn't blameless either. (I'm slightly more on Team Wife because of other factors, but again, she's not blameless.)

Unfortunately, I think one of the things you commit to when committing to a marriage is the idea that you should sleep with your husband/wife on a regular basis. "Regular basis" is different for everyone, and obviously there are factors at play, but I don't know many people who would be happy with a sexless marriage that isn't sexless by choice.

Unfortunately?? Sex is an integral part of marriage. If you don't want someone sexually, you shouldn't marry them.

I think that my DW married me while not wanting me sexually... I was stupid in agreeing to wait to hVe sex until after we got married..