S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the OP. Often women will lose interest in sex after marriage (well chronicled in this forum). I think my AP allows me to stay married without having to go through a painful divorce. On this forum there seems to be a pat angry and holier thN thou response. I love my wife and children and I get the intimacy I need with the OW.

Commitment? Loyalty? Nah, I'll just step out while maintaining the the facade of being a loyal spouse.

Cowardly.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is a more honest, respectful solution than cheating and blaming your spouse for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is a more honest, respectful solution than cheating and blaming your spouse for it.

PP here. Respectfully disagree that divorce is the better way in all occasions. I also have an AP and our relationship allows sanity for me without getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

TROLL SCORE 1 out of 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TROLL SCORE 1 out of 10.

Nope, not a troll.

I just really don't understand the (mostly women) who post here about their (usually) husbands having affairs, with stories full of clear, long term contempt of their spouse (things like "he gets to go to work all day"), who seem to be confused about why their spouse seeks attention elsewhere, and then blame he "temptation" of AP, rather than the problems in the marriage, for the affair.

I know is doesn't correlate to every affair, I've just noticed a pattern here. And in general, the women blame the OW for the temptation, rather than look at themselves or their cheating husband.

Spouses hate their partner, make excuses for their poor relationship, and then blame someone else for wrecking their love nest. That's all this is about. I don't understand it. A man in general, will blame his cheating wife for stepping out. A wife blames the OW. And DCUM supports the burning of the OW, in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I imagine I will be.

But what kind of ADULT blames someone else for their marriage failings instead of talking with and improving things with their spouse?

It's easy to make excuses (kids, tired, etc.). It's hard to pay the piper. And the sad thing is, when it comes to pay, these folks never take responsibility for their own part in their marriage falling apart.

Sounds like you're projecting a bit, OP.

So basically you're saying if someone doesn't have sex with their spouse, it's their fault if the spouse cheats.

Nope. No projecting, just tired of seeing the women vilified (eg. The FB thread, the "what kind of woman" thread). The women in these cases aren't the problem. If your man can't keep it in his pants, you have a man problem or a relationship problem. Time to make changes in one of them. Unfortunately, most of the women on these boards refuse to accept responsibility for their own shortcomings.

It takes very little empathy to understand that most men feel loved through sex. But apparently it's easier to blame the temptress, rather than just have sex (or show loving, caring behaviours) to the person that you married. Or even talk to them openly and honestly about it.

+1 I couldn't agree with you more.

[Anonymous]

I am a DW and in my long marriage, we have been in situations of drastic uneven libidos (both sides) at times. However, I believe that the needs of the higher libido spouse trumps that of the non-sexual spouse, at any given period, in a marriage. Why? Because I consider sex a basic need of human beings. I would rather fulfill my spouse's need for sex than let him go without, and vice versa.

For me it is an act of caring and love. The same as wiping the drool off your spouse's chin when you are aged and old.

At the very least you need to be able to have frank discussions about it. This is as much a marital issue that needs to be solved TOGETHER, as figuring out your budget, or kid's schooling option. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is a more honest, respectful solution than cheating and blaming your spouse for it.

PP here. Respectfully disagree that divorce is the better way in all occasions. I also have an AP and our relationship allows sanity for me without getting divorced.

Your spouse deserved to make the decision for him or herself about whether they want to be married to someone who is sexually involved with someone else. Does your spouse know that you are having an affair? If not, you are taking away from your spouse the decision about whether or not he or she want to remain married to you and essentially deciding that your way is what is best for everyone.

If your spouse knows that you have an extramarital relationship and has decided that that's not a problem for them, it's a completely different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and in my long marriage, we have been in situations of drastic uneven libidos (both sides) at times. However, I believe that the needs of the higher libido spouse trumps that of the non-sexual spouse, at any given period, in a marriage. Why? Because I consider sex a basic need of human beings. I would rather fulfill my spouse's need for sex than let him go without, and vice versa.

For me it is an act of caring and love. The same as wiping the drool off your spouse's chin when you are aged and old.

At the very least you need to be able to have frank discussions about it. This is as much a marital issue that needs to be solved TOGETHER, as figuring out your budget, or kid's schooling option. Seriously.

I completely and totally disagree with this. What you are saying is basically that people should have sex, even if they don't want to, because they owe it to someone to have sex. It's not at all the same as wiping away drool when you're old. If you are okay with having sex when you don't want to in order to keep your husband happy, that's great for you, but please do not assume that all of us would be okay with that situation. I know that I would absolutely not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TROLL SCORE 1 out of 10.

Nope, not a troll.

I just really don't understand the (mostly women) who post here about their (usually) husbands having affairs, with stories full of clear, long term contempt of their spouse (things like "he gets to go to work all day"), who seem to be confused about why their spouse seeks attention elsewhere, and then blame he "temptation" of AP, rather than the problems in the marriage, for the affair.

I know is doesn't correlate to every affair, I've just noticed a pattern here. And in general, the women blame the OW for the temptation, rather than look at themselves or their cheating husband.

Spouses hate their partner, make excuses for their poor relationship, and then blame someone else for wrecking their love nest. That's all this is about. I don't understand it. A man in general, will blame his cheating wife for stepping out. A wife blames the OW. And DCUM supports the burning of the OW, in general.

I think it's evidence that women are still seen as the gatekeepers of sex. If a woman breaks the rules, social agression is common.

[Anonymous]

Aggression*

[Anonymous]

"The gatekeepers of sex"? As though it's a commodity to be traded, withheld, etc.? That's a pretty sad way of looking at what should be a reciprocally pleasurable thing that should only happen when both people are excited about it.

The reason that women are "the gatekeepers" is that I am the only person who gets to decide if I have sex or not. You deciding that I am having sex, without my input, is rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then blames a third party ("the OW") when their husband steps out?

And because I knows the world is an equal place, same goes for what kind of man steps out emotionally and physically on his spouse, and then gets angry when she finds someone else to fill her needs?

I think in both cases, straying spouse should be given credit for at least trying to keep their family together for the kids.

Are you the other woman? Are you looking for permission?

Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TROLL SCORE 1 out of 10.

Nope, not a troll.

I just really don't understand the (mostly women) who post here about their (usually) husbands having affairs, with stories full of clear, long term contempt of their spouse (things like "he gets to go to work all day"), who seem to be confused about why their spouse seeks attention elsewhere, and then blame he "temptation" of AP, rather than the problems in the marriage, for the affair.

I know is doesn't correlate to every affair, I've just noticed a pattern here. And in general, the women blame the OW for the temptation, rather than look at themselves or their cheating husband.

Spouses hate their partner, make excuses for their poor relationship, and then blame someone else for wrecking their love nest. That's all this is about. I don't understand it. A man in general, will blame his cheating wife for stepping out. A wife blames the OW. And DCUM supports the burning of the OW, in general.

PLEASE. You are bashing other women and placing the onus on marital fidelity on the party that's NOT cheating. How does that make sense? Please dont try to disguise your troll intentions behind feminism- you ma'am, are NO feminist.

[Anonymous]

Putting the burden of blame on the OW instead of the cheating spouse is stupid.

Absolving the non-cheating spouse of all blame for the state of their marriage simply because they didn't cheat is also stupid.

And giving the OW a pass on engaging in morally repugnant behavior (i.e. sleeping with a married person) is stupid as well.

When people cheat there are normally multiple people behaving badly to varying degrees - it isn't a situation that normally boils down to a single bad actor.