What's Behind This Passive Agressive Behavior?

[Anonymous]

The wife should know better than to be so rude to her husband in front of his mother. If she can't even keep her criticism under control then, what is she like the rest of the time? Team Mom.

[Anonymous]

It's not appropriate to critique a spouse's weight in front of anyone.

[Anonymous]

Well, your wife sounds rude and difficult, but you are a grown man and you should be dealing with that issue yourself. Your mother should not get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, your wife sounds rude and difficult, but you are a grown man and you should be dealing with that issue yourself. Your mother should not get involved.

I dunno, if the wife is saying this shit *in front of OP's mother*, that's a little bit much to expect Mom to meekly sit quietly

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like husband feels powerless with bitchy wife so he lets his mother interject because he feels he is a victim; wife feels the need to be bitchy because she feels powerless in some way because perhaps husband is thoughtless or passive or unhelpful or fill in the blank (figure out what is deficient that is possibly exascerbating any bitchiness). MIL feels powerless to see her son emasculated on a regular basis by his bitchy wife, hence she chastises DIL, which is uncool. Time for counseling with some strict behavior guidelines. OP def go on the trip and have a great time. Do not leave flowers behind. Just be sweet on the phone. Show no guilt. This was HER idea. Just enjoy the break and plan to try to be a listening and thoughtful partner when you get back and start dealing with the deeper issues. Often when someone is that bitchy there is some resentment and maybe you can get to the bottom of it and liberate your marriage from this ugliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God I love DCUM. His wife sound likes a bitch. His mom is trying to stick up for him, albeit going about it in the wrong way. And yet DCUM blames him and says he should put little love notes around the house to make his wife happier.

If a woman wrote in saying that her husband picked on her about her weight And got pissed because she prepare his coffee wrong, everyone would be calling him an asshole.

It's pretty normal around here. Women are never responsible for their own behavior, everything they do is right.

Dude married an asshole. This is why you don't get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're 5' 12"?

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you stood up for yourself mommy wouldn't have to.

Seriously your wife is a bitch and senses your weakness and attacks. Your mom senses your weakness
And tries to protect from that attack. You need to take charge, telling both wife and mom it's unacceptable and you are not going to take the disrespectful behavior from either of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're 5' 12"?

This is what struck me, as well...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God I love DCUM. His wife sound likes a bitch. His mom is trying to stick up for him, albeit going about it in the wrong way. And yet DCUM blames him and says he should put little love notes around the house to make his wife happier.

If a woman wrote in saying that her husband picked on her about her weight And got pissed because she prepare his coffee wrong, everyone would be calling him an asshole.

It's pretty normal around here. Women are never responsible for their own behavior, everything they do is right.

Dude married an asshole. This is why you don't get married.

If you go back and read the comments, almost everyone agrees that his wife is a bitch. Did you even read the thread, or just go straight to your stock line about how women are coddled on this board?

OP, you married your bitchy wife because she reminded you of your bitchy mother. You might consider therapy to recognize this toxic pattern and deal with your family issues. It can help you deal with this hostility far better than a bunch of strangers on the internet. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has relationship issues with my mother. She complains that my mother "never liked her" and that she is always looking for an opportunity to "poke at her." Whenever I am around her, she says, I am on pins and needles." The most recent example she cites is from out last visit. DW was criticizing me in front of my mother about my weight, diet and exercise (I am hardly obese. I weight 189 ln and a, 5'12." I have come down from a high of 205 lbs and hope to get down to around 175 -1&0 lbs.) My mother interjected herself into the conversation, which was at the dinner table, and said "he is a grown man and take care of himself." Later in the visit, I gave my DW a cup of coffee with milk, rather than the creamer she had asked, and she glared at me with what could only be described as the "look of death." My mother said, "Jesus, it's only a up of coffee, let it go." DW stormed out and later carried on with me for 3-4 hours about my "bitch mother" and how I don't "protect her."

This coming weekend is a four day weekend for my DD. I offered to take a ski trip over the weekend, but DW countered she has to work so why don't I go with our kids to my mother's in Florida. I booked flights and a rental car. Now, DWis bitching about our going, leaving her to watch the Super Bowl alone. She's hinted at wanted to come to Florida, but wants to stay in a hotel. I said she is welcome to come, but I do not want to stay in a hotel as I think it would be good for kids to have some time with their only living grandmother. DW God ballistic talking about the "toxic bitch" who "put her own mother in a nursing home rather than take care of her. I don't want my kids getting the same message."

I am going to Florida in any case, and DW just needs to cope with this as an adult.

I love the "look of death" comment, OP. Good one. My read on this is you're not getting enough supply from the wife who may or may not be as toxic as your "examples" suggest, and you're (because you're certainly toxic) turning to DCUM for a new infusion. Not going to point out all the rhetoric fails, but there are more than a few.

[Anonymous]

Oh no, my DW is an absolute toxic bitch. I feel for the OP. He needs to jettison that harpy and find someone who will treat him with the love and respect he deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not appropriate to critique a spouse's weight in front of anyone.

But especially in front of their MOTHER. How embarrassing