How do I make my 9 yr old DS feel better about lack of athletic skill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was 9, he had been on the same rec soccer team,with the same group of kids, since Kindergarten. Most of the team stayed together in the winter for rec basketball as well. If you watched a game or a practice, 3 kids stood out in a negative way. I'd describe them as follows:

Mr. Impulsive: Fast as lightning, aggressive about getting to the ball, but no sense of strategy or strategy or positioning. He played as if the point of the game was simply to touch the ball. (note: Mr. Impulsive wasn't on the bball team)

Mr. Space Cadet: Could run fast, or perform a skill in a drill, but seemed to lose the thread of the game. Frequently seen staring off into space or daydreaming, while the ball sailed past him.

Mr. Panda Bear (my son): Big, and slow (physically, not cognitively) and gentle. Great sense of strategy and positioning, but it took him a long time to get to that position. Very hesitant to play aggressively, or take the ball from other kids. Not accurate at all, I don't think he ever got the ball into a basket or goal.

Today they're all in HS.

Mr. Impulsive switched to basketball, and now plays year round. He made varsity as a freshman because basketball is a sport where moving quickly, making decisions quickly, and being aggressive are key. And he's good at all those things.

Mr. Space Cadet: Switched to wrestling. All that physical contact and deep pressure keeps him grounded and focused. Undefeated last season.

Mr. Panda Bear: Captain of the football team, and a starter on the offensive and defensive line, where size and strength matter a lot, and speed and ball handling don't matter at all, and where his strong sense of positioning is a huge strength.

My point is that I wouldn't think of a 9 year old as good or bad at athletics. If he likes sports, and doesn't have some major coordination problem, I'd assume he just hasn't found a sport that plays to his strengths, and I'd encourage him to keep trying different things. Maybe fencing, or water polo, or martial arts, or cross country is perfect for him. Just keep exploring, choose camps that offer a variety of sports, and pay attention to what he likes.

I could not agree more with this post. A 9-year-old's performance is in no way predictive of ability later! Give it time, and let him take a few years off if he wants to.

Signed, mom of mediocre elementary school player who scored 16 in his varsity basketball game Saturday

[Anonymous]

As the mom of a now HS sophomore who was like your 9 yo DS, I'd suggest that you let him keep playing as long as he has friends on the teams and he enjoys that camaraderie. My DS quit all team sports around 4th grade and I regret that I let him do that. The sports were a central part of the boys' social lives during late elementary and middle school and my DS missed out on all of that. He was invited to very few birthday parties or sleepovers because he didn't play sports and have a chance to socialize with other boys outside of school. He's told me that he felt left out.

But he is doing well now. He's still slow and not terribly coordinated, but he's also 6'3" and strong. He joined the rowing team last year, discovered a sport he's pretty good at, and has made new friends and gets to be part of a team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Signed, mom of mediocre elementary school player who scored 16 in his varsity basketball game Saturday

Care to tell us what changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here; forgot to mention my son is older, as you probably gathered from the Model UN reference. Just wanted to add that there are plenty of other team experiences that aren't necessarily sports related. Being part
of the cast or stage crew of a theater production, debate team, etc. all are team experiences.

This is a very good point. We found that the team sports were creating a very negative view of teamwork and the team experience for my son -- truly the opposite of what people tout as the primary benefit of team sports. The best team experiences for him are coming from non-sports groups, like his rock band and robotics team. As for sports and the need for exercise, he also chose swimming, where it is really all about improving your own best time and personal progress is very easy to see and track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS has abandoned all team sports. He has hypotonia and motor issues, and it would just be terrible for his self-esteem to stay on a team.

He lifts weights, swims, goes to Dynamite gym, does ballet, and will try yoga.

Our emphasis is on health, not the rest. He has team spirit enough in his different clubs.

I think this is an excellent point.

How old was your kid when he started weight training. I have a SN kid, who is very uncoordinated and really detests organized sports. Did your kid take a class or find a coach?