How do I make my 9 yr old DS feel better about lack of athletic skill
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Anonymous
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I feel so sad for him after every game. He doesn't ever score, rarely gets passed to, sits on the bench a good bit. He may not be the very worst on the team, but close. He has tried baseball, soccer, basketball, tennis, lacrosse. He is sticking with baseball and basketball. He tries hard and we have paid for private lessons, etc. He is never going to be an athletic star, and I don't really know how to console him.
He likes computer programming and martial arts too, so we emphasize and promote those, and he seems pretty good at those. He is also an excellent student and is pulled out for accelerated math and reading. I try to tell him that everyone has their strengths, etc, but to a 9 year old boy, sports seem most important. I want him to play - for exercise, social reasons, and teamwork lessons, but I hate seeing him so down. |
Anonymous
| I don't think he should have to be forced to play a sport so he can learn about teamwork and keep him active. Between martial arts and his other extra curriculars he will learn plenty. Then play basketball with neighbor hood boys without having to keep score or go hiking on the weekend. Don't destroy his self esteem because of your agenda that kids "need" to be playing a team sport. |
Anonymous
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Do we have the same son? My ds exactly, same age, same academic ability (mine is in GT program), same interests in computers, etc.. and same lack of athletic ability, and he has played basketball.
DS is average size and a summer baby, so usually he is the smallest of his peers, so that doesn't help. we have talked at length about this issue. We stopped basketball this year due to scheduling conflicts. I asked him if he wanted to continue, and he said he did. But, I'm not sure how much longer he will express interest in playing because as they get older, sports becomes so much more competitive, and I think he will end up on the bench a lot more. In previous years, they've made sure all kids play, but as they get older, that changes. As you stated, everyone has different strengths. Martial arts is also a sport; so is swimming. I think team sports is great and has lots of benefits. But, I don't think there is any benefit of having him be a part of a team sport if he is not even playing and getting the benefit of playing as a team. Exercise is important, so I hear you about that part. DS does swimming right now. Has he said he wants to quit? If so, I would let him. If he enjoys it still, and doesn't want to quit, then let him continue. He will learn from this experience - that he isn't good at everything, but he can still enjoy it. |
Anonymous
| Completely agree with PP. I have a wonderful, smart boy who isn't interested in playing team sports at all. When he was young, we had him try a variety of sports but nothing took. It was clear that being the worst athlete on a team was demoralizing and embarrassing to him. Instead of trying to force it, we let him tell us what he was interested in. That turned out to be theater, acting, Model UN, biking, hiking, and swimming. He likes individual, noncompetitive sports, probably because he really wasn't very good at team sports. We're happy that he participates in activities that he enjoys. OP, sounds like your son does have interests - computer programming and martial arts. Keep encouraging those things and let him know you're proud of him! |
Anonymous
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PP here; forgot to mention my son is older, as you probably gathered from the Model UN reference. Just wanted to add that there are plenty of other team experiences that aren't necessarily sports related. Being part
of the cast or stage crew of a theater production, debate team, etc. all are team experiences. |
Anonymous
| Can he play down a couple of age groups so his game has time to catch up? I have a 11-yo and can tell you the ability gap only gets larger every year. I also think basketball is a hard sport for non-athletic kids to enjoy unless he gets a great coach and nice kids as teammates. But baseball should be easier. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like he is good at a lot of things but organized sports isn't his forte. Is he frustrated and feeling down or are you just feeling bad for him? Does he get some enjoyment out of these activities, e.g., being on a team. If he's really down about it, then maybe he should do the physical activities he feels more confident about. If he really wants to stick with these sports, maybe focus on setting specific goals that are achievable within the sport, not making the winning basket. Or help him remember the progress that he's made.
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Anonymous
| Sign him up for tennis. |
Anonymous
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How about Scouts? Scouts can be a good activity for kids like this. They get to explore a lot of interests and also do some outdoorsy things like hiking and camping.
My boy like this really enjoyed Scouts and also did other non-sports activities in HS such as those listed above where he learned to work with a team. He always enjoyed riding his bike and running and swimming (although not interested in competing) and runs regularly now, including 10-15 mile runs on the weekends, just for fun. He stayed physically fit, but just didn't do the kind of sports that involved eye-hand coordination. |
Anonymous
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When my kid was 9, he had been on the same rec soccer team,with the same group of kids, since Kindergarten. Most of the team stayed together in the winter for rec basketball as well. If you watched a game or a practice, 3 kids stood out in a negative way. I'd describe them as follows:
Mr. Impulsive: Fast as lightning, aggressive about getting to the ball, but no sense of strategy or strategy or positioning. He played as if the point of the game was simply to touch the ball. (note: Mr. Impulsive wasn't on the bball team) Mr. Space Cadet: Could run fast, or perform a skill in a drill, but seemed to lose the thread of the game. Frequently seen staring off into space or daydreaming, while the ball sailed past him. Mr. Panda Bear (my son): Big, and slow (physically, not cognitively) and gentle. Great sense of strategy and positioning, but it took him a long time to get to that position. Very hesitant to play aggressively, or take the ball from other kids. Not accurate at all, I don't think he ever got the ball into a basket or goal. Today they're all in HS. Mr. Impulsive switched to basketball, and now plays year round. He made varsity as a freshman because basketball is a sport where moving quickly, making decisions quickly, and being aggressive are key. And he's good at all those things. Mr. Space Cadet: Switched to wrestling. All that physical contact and deep pressure keeps him grounded and focused. Undefeated last season. Mr. Panda Bear: Captain of the football team, and a starter on the offensive and defensive line, where size and strength matter a lot, and speed and ball handling don't matter at all, and where his strong sense of positioning is a huge strength. My point is that I wouldn't think of a 9 year old as good or bad at athletics. If he likes sports, and doesn't have some major coordination problem, I'd assume he just hasn't found a sport that plays to his strengths, and I'd encourage him to keep trying different things. Maybe fencing, or water polo, or martial arts, or cross country is perfect for him. Just keep exploring, choose camps that offer a variety of sports, and pay attention to what he likes. |
Anonymous
| My almost 8 year old is the same. But the difference is he doesn't care....yet. I told him my job is to expose him to a variety of activities to see what he likes. Turns out team sports aren't really his thing. We are trying fencing next. At some point it may just turn to what physical activity is good for lifetime fitness. He does like running, too, so when he's older maybe he will try track. Right now we just do fun runs. |
Anonymous
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OP here - he definitely does not ask to quit- he likes playing baseball even though he strikes out alot and gets upset. He quit lacrosse and tennis, but you can't continue to play everything, for scheduling reasons too.
I would let him quit if he wanted to, but he hasn't asked. He loves scouts, hiking and camping. It's just hard to find opportunities to do those things. He doesn't love running but he doesn't hate it. He has fine a number of 5ks with me. I just hate seeing him so sad. |
Anonymous
You can suggest that he quit the sport that makes him sad |
Anonymous
How about a swim team? Maybe he isn't good at hand eye coordination |
Anonymous
| My 10yo son struggled with team sports but has done wonderfully in cross country. Would an individual sport like that work for your son? |