Burnout-anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 17:48. Can i use this opportunity to reinforce that we need to try and keep the SN forum snark free? You can see from all the comments how much we need to support one another. I come on frequently to try and share what I've learned over the many years I've had of dealing with SN children, as well as my own problems. I've noticed some snark coming on and try to ask the posters to cut it out. If we all self-police, I think it will go a long way to keep this particular forum snark-free. Just a thought.

My guess is you are preaching to the choir. Haven't seen any snark on this thread.

You made me smile. I have seen some nasty comments in response to parents asking for help. When that happens I try to say nicely that these parents are coming here for help or to vent and are fragile and ask that they stop.

It really is sad when anyone kicks someone when the person is down. We can disagree with eachother, but there is no need to be cruel. I am glad that you remind the trolls to play nice. Fragile and vulnerable is right. Some days I feel strong as an ox and other days I think I'm barely keeping it together. It's not one thing or another, it's the cumulative stress that can really ware me down.

Thanks. It really hurts me to see someone ask for help in SN, say, about homework issues or discipline issues and get back nasty comments telling the OP that THEY are the problem and that all they need to do is show some cajones and set up some ground rules and all will be well. THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS! For years DS had homework issues and we tried everything. Paid everyone. Paid testers. Paid shrinks. Paid tutors. Tried privates. Tried SN schools. Finally we got what I think is the correct diagnosis: Asperger's (yes, I know, someone will now correct me it is "in the spectrum" - yes, we all know that - that phrase does not convey what Asperger's is). Anyhow, the really really hard time I am having now is that having worked so hard for so many years to get DC all the right schools, the tutors, the counseling, the IEPs, the private schools, that he is having great difficulty transitioning to college . . . and I think he is giving up. (And I gave up "my brilliant career" along to run a household with two SN kids and am too old to be employed back in my field). I think he may just have gone as far as he can go and I really have to step back and face the reality that my DS may be dependent on me for life. I had hoped and prayed for the ability to drive, learn life skills, handle emotions, plan for studying at the college level but it is just not coming together. When you see your cute Aspie kid at 7 it is one thing, but when they are depressed and not functioning well at 20 it is heart-breaking (yes, we are on meds and doing everything possible for him). Recently I had a close friend ask me after having had lunch with my DS, very bluntly, "Is Larlo OK? Does he need medication? His eyes dart around all over the place. He won't be able to get a job even at McDonald's". It hurt. And I had given her the diagnosis before but I find that most family members and friends really don't want to educate themselves. Or they think I'm exaggerating. My mother doesn't want to believe the diagnosis and keeps chirping at me how well Larlo is doing. Larlo is not doing well. And it's sad. Sorry for the vent. I just so appreciated OP for starting this and am having a rough Saturday night feeling sorry for both him and me, the other child and DH

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your son. it must be heartbreaking given all that you done to try to give him the best chance possible.. Do you think there is any chance he might mature more and be able to handle independent living later, like say in his late 20s to early 30s. Our kids (on the spectrum) seem to mature at a snail's pace, but the growth does seem to continue. Are there any jobs you think he might be trained to do while living at home? I think my child with HFA (I don't say Asperger's only because mine has strength in the non-verbal and I think of Aspergers kids as having verbal strengths) would enjoy working in a library, bookstore, toystore or planetarium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 17:48. Can i use this opportunity to reinforce that we need to try and keep the SN forum snark free? You can see from all the comments how much we need to support one another. I come on frequently to try and share what I've learned over the many years I've had of dealing with SN children, as well as my own problems. I've noticed some snark coming on and try to ask the posters to cut it out. If we all self-police, I think it will go a long way to keep this particular forum snark-free. Just a thought.

My guess is you are preaching to the choir. Haven't seen any snark on this thread.

You made me smile. I have seen some nasty comments in response to parents asking for help. When that happens I try to say nicely that these parents are coming here for help or to vent and are fragile and ask that they stop.

It really is sad when anyone kicks someone when the person is down. We can disagree with eachother, but there is no need to be cruel. I am glad that you remind the trolls to play nice. Fragile and vulnerable is right. Some days I feel strong as an ox and other days I think I'm barely keeping it together. It's not one thing or another, it's the cumulative stress that can really ware me down.

Thanks. It really hurts me to see someone ask for help in SN, say, about homework issues or discipline issues and get back nasty comments telling the OP that THEY are the problem and that all they need to do is show some cajones and set up some ground rules and all will be well. THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS! For years DS had homework issues and we tried everything. Paid everyone. Paid testers. Paid shrinks. Paid tutors. Tried privates. Tried SN schools. Finally we got what I think is the correct diagnosis: Asperger's (yes, I know, someone will now correct me it is "in the spectrum" - yes, we all know that - that phrase does not convey what Asperger's is). Anyhow, the really really hard time I am having now is that having worked so hard for so many years to get DC all the right schools, the tutors, the counseling, the IEPs, the private schools, that he is having great difficulty transitioning to college . . . and I think he is giving up. (And I gave up "my brilliant career" along to run a household with two SN kids and am too old to be employed back in my field). I think he may just have gone as far as he can go and I really have to step back and face the reality that my DS may be dependent on me for life. I had hoped and prayed for the ability to drive, learn life skills, handle emotions, plan for studying at the college level but it is just not coming together. When you see your cute Aspie kid at 7 it is one thing, but when they are depressed and not functioning well at 20 it is heart-breaking (yes, we are on meds and doing everything possible for him). Recently I had a close friend ask me after having had lunch with my DS, very bluntly, "Is Larlo OK? Does he need medication? His eyes dart around all over the place. He won't be able to get a job even at McDonald's". It hurt. And I had given her the diagnosis before but I find that most family members and friends really don't want to educate themselves. Or they think I'm exaggerating. My mother doesn't want to believe the diagnosis and keeps chirping at me how well Larlo is doing. Larlo is not doing well. And it's sad. Sorry for the vent. I just so appreciated OP for starting this and am having a rough Saturday night feeling sorry for both him and me, the other child and DH

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your son. it must be heartbreaking given all that you done to try to give him the best chance possible.. Do you think there is any chance he might mature more and be able to handle independent living later, like say in his late 20s to early 30s. Our kids (on the spectrum) seem to mature at a snail's pace, but the growth does seem to continue. Are there any jobs you think he might be trained to do while living at home? I think my child with HFA (I don't say Asperger's only because mine has strength in the non-verbal and I think of Aspergers kids as having verbal strengths) would enjoy working in a library, bookstore, toystore or planetarium.

Wishing you strength and some relaxation. You have done so much mama. I hope things get better. I also hope when you are ready you can map out a new career that will bring you joy. You have made so many sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 17:48. Can i use this opportunity to reinforce that we need to try and keep the SN forum snark free? You can see from all the comments how much we need to support one another. I come on frequently to try and share what I've learned over the many years I've had of dealing with SN children, as well as my own problems. I've noticed some snark coming on and try to ask the posters to cut it out. If we all self-police, I think it will go a long way to keep this particular forum snark-free. Just a thought.

My guess is you are preaching to the choir. Haven't seen any snark on this thread.

You made me smile. I have seen some nasty comments in response to parents asking for help. When that happens I try to say nicely that these parents are coming here for help or to vent and are fragile and ask that they stop.

It really is sad when anyone kicks someone when the person is down. We can disagree with eachother, but there is no need to be cruel. I am glad that you remind the trolls to play nice. Fragile and vulnerable is right. Some days I feel strong as an ox and other days I think I'm barely keeping it together. It's not one thing or another, it's the cumulative stress that can really ware me down.

Thanks. It really hurts me to see someone ask for help in SN, say, about homework issues or discipline issues and get back nasty comments telling the OP that THEY are the problem and that all they need to do is show some cajones and set up some ground rules and all will be well. THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS! For years DS had homework issues and we tried everything. Paid everyone. Paid testers. Paid shrinks. Paid tutors. Tried privates. Tried SN schools. Finally we got what I think is the correct diagnosis: Asperger's (yes, I know, someone will now correct me it is "in the spectrum" - yes, we all know that - that phrase does not convey what Asperger's is). Anyhow, the really really hard time I am having now is that having worked so hard for so many years to get DC all the right schools, the tutors, the counseling, the IEPs, the private schools, that he is having great difficulty transitioning to college . . . and I think he is giving up. (And I gave up "my brilliant career" along to run a household with two SN kids and am too old to be employed back in my field). I think he may just have gone as far as he can go and I really have to step back and face the reality that my DS may be dependent on me for life. I had hoped and prayed for the ability to drive, learn life skills, handle emotions, plan for studying at the college level but it is just not coming together. When you see your cute Aspie kid at 7 it is one thing, but when they are depressed and not functioning well at 20 it is heart-breaking (yes, we are on meds and doing everything possible for him). Recently I had a close friend ask me after having had lunch with my DS, very bluntly, "Is Larlo OK? Does he need medication? His eyes dart around all over the place. He won't be able to get a job even at McDonald's". It hurt. And I had given her the diagnosis before but I find that most family members and friends really don't want to educate themselves. Or they think I'm exaggerating. My mother doesn't want to believe the diagnosis and keeps chirping at me how well Larlo is doing. Larlo is not doing well. And it's sad. Sorry for the vent. I just so appreciated OP for starting this and am having a rough Saturday night feeling sorry for both him and me, the other child and DH

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your son. it must be heartbreaking given all that you done to try to give him the best chance possible.. Do you think there is any chance he might mature more and be able to handle independent living later, like say in his late 20s to early 30s. Our kids (on the spectrum) seem to mature at a snail's pace, but the growth does seem to continue. Are there any jobs you think he might be trained to do while living at home? I think my child with HFA (I don't say Asperger's only because mine has strength in the non-verbal and I think of Aspergers kids as having verbal strengths) would enjoy working in a library, bookstore, toystore or planetarium.

Wishing you strength and some relaxation. You have done so much mama. I hope things get better. I also hope when you are ready you can map out a new career that will bring you joy. You have made so many sacrifices.

Thanks all. Your comments came in at a great time (right after church). Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a special ed teacher and feel your pain. I've only done a small walk in your shoes and can't imagine how hard it must be.

We have been lucky enough to have had great and passionate special ed teachers and workers with our son, and I honestly can't imagine that he could have made the progress he has without those wonderful and dedicated adults helping him. I know sometimes it can be a bit of a thankless and difficult job, but you are really are appreciated.

[Anonymous]

^^ + 1

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. I think that the snow delays throw just a little bit of additional chaos into the schedule. I'm hopeful that we can get back into a groove soon, although DC's pullout teacher quit and they haven't found a full time replacement. He really liked the last one. Then again, change is a part of life, even if it's a part of life that we don't do well with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 17:48. Can i use this opportunity to reinforce that we need to try and keep the SN forum snark free? You can see from all the comments how much we need to support one another. I come on frequently to try and share what I've learned over the many years I've had of dealing with SN children, as well as my own problems. I've noticed some snark coming on and try to ask the posters to cut it out. If we all self-police, I think it will go a long way to keep this particular forum snark-free. Just a thought.

My guess is you are preaching to the choir. Haven't seen any snark on this thread.

You made me smile. I have seen some nasty comments in response to parents asking for help. When that happens I try to say nicely that these parents are coming here for help or to vent and are fragile and ask that they stop.

It really is sad when anyone kicks someone when the person is down. We can disagree with eachother, but there is no need to be cruel. I am glad that you remind the trolls to play nice. Fragile and vulnerable is right. Some days I feel strong as an ox and other days I think I'm barely keeping it together. It's not one thing or another, it's the cumulative stress that can really ware me down.

Thanks. It really hurts me to see someone ask for help in SN, say, about homework issues or discipline issues and get back nasty comments telling the OP that THEY are the problem and that all they need to do is show some cajones and set up some ground rules and all will be well. THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS! For years DS had homework issues and we tried everything. Paid everyone. Paid testers. Paid shrinks. Paid tutors. Tried privates. Tried SN schools. Finally we got what I think is the correct diagnosis: Asperger's (yes, I know, someone will now correct me it is "in the spectrum" - yes, we all know that - that phrase does not convey what Asperger's is). Anyhow, the really really hard time I am having now is that having worked so hard for so many years to get DC all the right schools, the tutors, the counseling, the IEPs, the private schools, that he is having great difficulty transitioning to college . . . and I think he is giving up. (And I gave up "my brilliant career" along to run a household with two SN kids and am too old to be employed back in my field). I think he may just have gone as far as he can go and I really have to step back and face the reality that my DS may be dependent on me for life. I had hoped and prayed for the ability to drive, learn life skills, handle emotions, plan for studying at the college level but it is just not coming together. When you see your cute Aspie kid at 7 it is one thing, but when they are depressed and not functioning well at 20 it is heart-breaking (yes, we are on meds and doing everything possible for him). Recently I had a close friend ask me after having had lunch with my DS, very bluntly, "Is Larlo OK? Does he need medication? His eyes dart around all over the place. He won't be able to get a job even at McDonald's". It hurt. And I had given her the diagnosis before but I find that most family members and friends really don't want to educate themselves. Or they think I'm exaggerating. My mother doesn't want to believe the diagnosis and keeps chirping at me how well Larlo is doing. Larlo is not doing well. And it's sad. Sorry for the vent. I just so appreciated OP for starting this and am having a rough Saturday night feeling sorry for both him and me, the other child and DH

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your son. it must be heartbreaking given all that you done to try to give him the best chance possible.. Do you think there is any chance he might mature more and be able to handle independent living later, like say in his late 20s to early 30s. Our kids (on the spectrum) seem to mature at a snail's pace, but the growth does seem to continue. Are there any jobs you think he might be trained to do while living at home? I think my child with HFA (I don't say Asperger's only because mine has strength in the non-verbal and I think of Aspergers kids as having verbal strengths) would enjoy working in a library, bookstore, toystore or planetarium.

I wanted to say that I have family member with HFA (Aspergers). He did not do well as a young adult (just bombed going off to college at eighteen) but matured a lot as he aged. No, I don't think he's living to his intellectual capabilities professionally, but on his own, he reads a lot interesting books, finished college, holds a job and lives successfully alone with no day to day support. He's done this without all of the recent behavioral interventions (he's older) and it came together very gradually. Kids mature long after they are "technically" adults-- this is especially/particularly true in my family member's case.

[Anonymous]

20:08 I'm not the poster you are addressing, but it's so helpful to hear that. There is hope!

This year cannot end fast enough. We have enough stressors going on outside of the school, but all that would be manageable if our child with SN had a good team. Makes all the difference. I feel so happy not having to send DC to school tomorrow and DC seems so much less anxious.

I know with quite a few things we are in the right and could absolutely take things higher given IEP violations, etc. The thing is I don't want to screw them over. I just want to resolve things amicably. I don't want to threaten to take things further, but at the same thing I'm shocked they don't know how serious this all is and how stupid they are to treat us poorly. I am so dam sick of taking the higher road!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally with you, OP. I have two SN kids and the road has been rough. One is now in college and is crashing and burning. I had a good cry last night.

Not everybody needs to go to college, by the way. Last week I literally heard a story about a kid in college to get a mechanical engineering degree "because he liked to work on cars" and thought that would help him. Someone TOLD him that. He needs (1) to try working on cars and see if he likes it (2) ASE training to ensure he knows stuff and gets paid well (3) continuously to learn to help his career. He does not need a college degree.

I have a sensory disorder child age 7 who I am convinced is sub-spectral. Just barely away from something Attentional, or what used to be called Aspberger's. Sub clinical, a.k.a. normal. Except she's not. Her future definitely involves education after high school, some day. Whether that should be college or not?....I'm no way going to push her into something that will hinder her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:08 I'm not the poster you are addressing, but it's so helpful to hear that. There is hope!

This year cannot end fast enough. We have enough stressors going on outside of the school, but all that would be manageable if our child with SN had a good team. Makes all the difference. I feel so happy not having to send DC to school tomorrow and DC seems so much less anxious.

I know with quite a few things we are in the right and could absolutely take things higher given IEP violations, etc. The thing is I don't want to screw them over. I just want to resolve things amicably. I don't want to threaten to take things further, but at the same thing I'm shocked they don't know how serious this all is and how stupid they are to treat us poorly. I am so dam sick of taking the higher road!

Funny, I dont remember typing this! I find it so hard to balance advocating for my child while maintaining a pleasant relationship with the school staff. What to let slide, what to pursue, what to insist on. How pushy to be in IEP meetings. It never ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:08 I'm not the poster you are addressing, but it's so helpful to hear that. There is hope!

This year cannot end fast enough. We have enough stressors going on outside of the school, but all that would be manageable if our child with SN had a good team. Makes all the difference. I feel so happy not having to send DC to school tomorrow and DC seems so much less anxious.

I know with quite a few things we are in the right and could absolutely take things higher given IEP violations, etc. The thing is I don't want to screw them over. I just want to resolve things amicably. I don't want to threaten to take things further, but at the same thing I'm shocked they don't know how serious this all is and how stupid they are to treat us poorly. I am so dam sick of taking the higher road!

Funny, I dont remember typing this! I find it so hard to balance advocating for my child while maintaining a pleasant relationship with the school staff. What to let slide, what to pursue, what to insist on. How pushy to be in IEP meetings. It never ends.

YES!!! I really try to choose my battles. It is just so stressful when you try every nice approach and unfortunately, this particular battle cannot be avoided. It's too important.

I am so sick of staff who are quick to assume you are just a crazy, high maintenance asshole and your kid would be so much better without you. It's funny, the good teachers come in all forms-with children/without, young, middle age, advanced age-there is no way to predict based on those characteristics. However, not once, has a teacher or staff member with a SN child of their own been an asshole-not once. Even if the SN are different, they have so much empathy and are quick to defend the parent. They care deeply. They cheer you and your child on. God bless those people! As I have said, we had many good teachers who didn't have kids with SN or kids at all, but the ones who are bad...ugh they just make me wish they could live my life for a week. I wish they would have a dream even where they are in my shoes and wake up with an epiphany..."Oh my God. IU am such a fucking jerk. I need to listen to that mom because she actually knows what she is talking about."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:08 I'm not the poster you are addressing, but it's so helpful to hear that. There is hope!

This year cannot end fast enough. We have enough stressors going on outside of the school, but all that would be manageable if our child with SN had a good team. Makes all the difference. I feel so happy not having to send DC to school tomorrow and DC seems so much less anxious.

I know with quite a few things we are in the right and could absolutely take things higher given IEP violations, etc. The thing is I don't want to screw them over. I just want to resolve things amicably. I don't want to threaten to take things further, but at the same thing I'm shocked they don't know how serious this all is and how stupid they are to treat us poorly. I am so dam sick of taking the higher road!

Funny, I dont remember typing this! I find it so hard to balance advocating for my child while maintaining a pleasant relationship with the school staff. What to let slide, what to pursue, what to insist on. How pushy to be in IEP meetings. It never ends.

YES!!! I really try to choose my battles. It is just so stressful when you try every nice approach and unfortunately, this particular battle cannot be avoided. It's too important.

I am so sick of staff who are quick to assume you are just a crazy, high maintenance asshole and your kid would be so much better without you. It's funny, the good teachers come in all forms-with children/without, young, middle age, advanced age-there is no way to predict based on those characteristics. However, not once, has a teacher or staff member with a SN child of their own been an asshole-not once. Even if the SN are different, they have so much empathy and are quick to defend the parent. They care deeply. They cheer you and your child on. God bless those people! As I have said, we had many good teachers who didn't have kids with SN or kids at all, but the ones who are bad...ugh they just make me wish they could live my life for a week. I wish they would have a dream even where they are in my shoes and wake up with an epiphany..."Oh my God. IU am such a fucking jerk. I need to listen to that mom because she actually knows what she is talking about."

This is so true.

[Anonymous]

:oops: