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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 17:48.  Can i use this opportunity to reinforce that we need to try and keep the SN forum snark free?  You can see from all the comments how much we need to support one another.  I come on frequently to try and share what I've learned over the many years I've had of dealing with SN children, as well as my own problems.  I've noticed some snark coming on and try to ask the posters to cut it out.  If we all self-police, I think it will go a long way to keep this particular forum snark-free.  Just a thought.
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[b]My guess is you are preaching to the choir. Haven't seen any snark on this thread. [/quote][/b]

You made me smile.  I have seen some nasty comments in response to parents asking for help.  When that happens I try to say nicely that these parents are coming here for help or to vent and are fragile and ask that they stop.[/quote]

[b] It really is sad when anyone kicks someone when the person is down. We can disagree with eachother, but there is no need to be cruel. I am glad that you remind the trolls to play nice. Fragile and vulnerable is right. Some days I feel strong as an ox and other days I think I'm barely keeping it together. It's not one thing or another, it's the cumulative stress that can really ware me down.

[/quote][/b]

Thanks.  It really hurts me to see someone ask for help in SN, say, about homework issues or discipline issues and get back nasty comments telling the OP that THEY are the problem and that all they need to do is show some cajones and set up some ground rules and all will be well.  THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS!   For years DS had homework issues and we tried everything.  Paid everyone.  Paid testers.  Paid shrinks.  Paid tutors.  Tried privates.  Tried SN schools.  Finally we got what I think is the correct diagnosis:  Asperger's (yes, I know, someone will now correct me it is "in the spectrum" - yes, we all know that - that phrase does not convey what Asperger's is).  Anyhow, the really really hard time I am having now is that having worked so hard for so many years to get DC all the right schools, the tutors, the counseling, the IEPs, the private schools, that he is having great difficulty transitioning to college . . . and I think he is giving up.  (And I gave up "my brilliant career" along to run a household with two SN kids and am too old to be employed back in my field).  I think he may just have gone as far as he can go and I really have to step back and face the reality that my DS may be dependent on me for life.  I had hoped and prayed for the ability to drive, learn life skills, handle emotions, plan for studying at the college level but it is just not coming together.  When you see your cute Aspie kid at 7 it is one thing, but when they are depressed and not functioning well at 20 it is heart-breaking  (yes, we are on meds and doing everything possible for him).   Recently I had a close friend ask me after having had lunch with my DS, very bluntly, "Is Larlo OK?  Does he need medication?  His eyes dart around all over the place.  He won't be able to get a job even at McDonald's".  It hurt.  And I had given her the diagnosis before but I find that most family members and friends really don't want to educate themselves.  Or they think I'm exaggerating.  My mother doesn't want to believe the diagnosis and keeps chirping at me how well Larlo is doing.  Larlo is not doing well.  And it's sad.   Sorry for the vent.  I just so appreciated OP for starting this and am having a rough Saturday night feeling sorry for both him and me, the other child and DH[/quote]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your son. it must be heartbreaking given all that you done to try to give him the best chance possible..  Do you think there is any chance he might mature more and be able to handle independent living later, like say in his late 20s to early 30s. Our kids (on the spectrum) seem to mature at a snail's pace, but the growth does seem to continue. Are there any jobs you think he might be trained to do while living at home? I think my child with HFA (I don't say Asperger's only because mine has strength in the non-verbal and I think of Aspergers kids as having verbal strengths) would enjoy working in a library, bookstore, toystore or planetarium.[/quote]

I wanted to say that I have family member with HFA (Aspergers). He did not do well as a young adult (just bombed going off to college at eighteen) but matured a lot as he aged. No, I don't think he's living to his intellectual capabilities professionally, but on his own, he reads a lot interesting books, finished college, holds a job and lives successfully alone with no day to day support. He's done this without all of the recent behavioral interventions (he's older) and it came together very gradually. Kids mature long after they are "technically" adults-- this is especially/particularly true in my family member's case. [/quote]

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