MIL staying with us and keeps checking mail. annoying the mess out of me.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her not to throw away any mail, even if it looks like junk. Put a basket by the door or something and tell her that ALL the mail goes in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an apartment building where you have to access the mailbox with code and key and every day I check it on my way in and find it empty. Everyday I walk inside and she has gotten it. she just moved in with us, and has her own po box so none of her mail is coming to our address ever. I don't know why this bugs me so much but she throws away mail before I can see it. Magazines and such that she says are junk mil. What should I do? Its literally pissing me off daily. There is no reason for her to run to our mailbox and grab it before we get a chance to look at it.

Seriously, you're asking for advice on what to do? Be an adult. You can wonder why she is doing until the cow come home, but it won't solve your problem. Politely and respectfully ask her to stop getting the mail. It's concerning that you're letting this continue, getting mad and then not seeing the obvious solution. Stop making this a big deal and just talk to her.

This is bold above. Good advice. And I think it's bizarre that you would need to go to an anonymous forum. It's a no-brainer. Just ask her nicely to stop getting the mail.

[Anonymous]

It's really out of line for her to be throwing away items. You've asked her about them and she knows that you go down and get the mail. She is ignoring what you want.
It sounds like you are in a turf war with her. Why did you let her move in? She may enjoy the power of going through your stuff. Are you missing any mail related to your bank accounts etc?

I get a box at the post office and start using that. She's going to go through your stuff anyway.

[Anonymous]

She is doing this because she is nosey. Pure and simple. Tell her that you do not wanting her collecting your mail. But of you want to have fun with this before you do that you should mail yourself some things that would drive her nuts wondering.

[Anonymous]

Can you have the code changed? She doesn't need it, right?

[Anonymous]

"Hey Mama Alice, thanks so much for trying to help us out with the mail, but I actually need to be the one to go through it each day. If you want to just bring it in and put it in this processing bucket, that'd be great, but I'll sort it myself. Thanks so much!"

My husband set up a mail processing station in our house - the sitter brings it in and puts it in the top processing bucket, but only DH & I adjudicate what goes in the recycle section, what goes into the shred pile, and what active "action" items need to be dealt with. No relative would want to mistakenly put something in the shred pile, so hasn't been an issue.

[Anonymous]

you have to say something.. and stop her before things get out of control.

My MIL was staying with us over Christmas.. she was staying at home while we were at work. By the end of the day she was asking how much we had in our 401K because she saw a bill coming! (Thankfully she didn't open the mail) but it did pissed me off big time. That's none of her business.

[Anonymous]

I am a DH that has lived through this; MIL would live with us a couple of days a week. Would get the mail, answer the phone, not give messages,wash my underwear. Someone said it very well earlier - take a controlling personality, put them in an environment where they are bored, and you get "I'm only trying to help".
I would implore my DW to discuss with her Mom. As my DW likes to avoid confrontation and her Mom is very controlling, frankly my DW found it easier to control me.
You REALLY need to deal with this head on. Demand your spouse's support and hold them to it. It will get worse. I was young and naive. My MIL and DW really needed a come to Jesus. Instead it was I was wrong for denying my wife the help and support of her Mom. I'd turn around in the morning and she would be cleaning my bathroom. Get work calls that she wouldn't tell me about. I'm older now - it's insane. You really really need to draw s line in the sand. I should have divorced over it - and not because of MIL's behavior but rather DW's handling of it. There is nothing worse than not being able to be comfortable in one's own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH that has lived through this; MIL would live with us a couple of days a week. Would get the mail, answer the phone, not give messages,wash my underwear. Someone said it very well earlier - take a controlling personality, put them in an environment where they are bored, and you get "I'm only trying to help".
I would implore my DW to discuss with her Mom. As my DW likes to avoid confrontation and her Mom is very controlling, frankly my DW found it easier to control me.
You REALLY need to deal with this head on. Demand your spouse's support and hold them to it. It will get worse. I was young and naive. My MIL and DW really needed a come to Jesus. Instead it was I was wrong for denying my wife the help and support of her Mom. I'd turn around in the morning and she would be cleaning my bathroom. Get work calls that she wouldn't tell me about. I'm older now - it's insane. You really really need to draw s line in the sand. I should have divorced over it - and not because of MIL's behavior but rather DW's handling of it. There is nothing worse than not being able to be comfortable in one's own home.

Yikes! You are really whipped.

[Anonymous]

Send the MIL back to where ever she came from.
These threads juat reinforce for me that no parent or I law
Will ever love with me. No way in hell.

[Anonymous]

Live with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH that has lived through this; MIL would live with us a couple of days a week. Would get the mail, answer the phone, not give messages,wash my underwear. Someone said it very well earlier - take a controlling personality, put them in an environment where they are bored, and you get "I'm only trying to help".
I would implore my DW to discuss with her Mom. As my DW likes to avoid confrontation and her Mom is very controlling, frankly my DW found it easier to control me.
You REALLY need to deal with this head on. Demand your spouse's support and hold them to it. It will get worse. I was young and naive. My MIL and DW really needed a come to Jesus. Instead it was I was wrong for denying my wife the help and support of her Mom. I'd turn around in the morning and she would be cleaning my bathroom. Get work calls that she wouldn't tell me about. I'm older now - it's insane. You really really need to draw s line in the sand. I should have divorced over it - and not because of MIL's behavior but rather DW's handling of it. There is nothing worse than not being able to be comfortable in one's own home.

Yikes! You are really whipped.

Married young, very sensitive to MILs status, and tried to be a good provider. When we dated discussed MIL helping with little ones. Things changed and could afford for DW to SAHM. Frankly preferred that to MIL spending more time with us. I do t know sometimes I think if I was easier going I would not have minded so much but it used to feel like such an invasion of privacy. So, thought that was providers did. But my eyes slowly opened
and I got to the point where I really don't welcome her in my home. Sometimes life is hard. The one lesson I learned is that you and your spouse need to put each other and your relationship first, above all else. If that's not the case then you really can't plan a life together can you ? But yeah it used to put my hair on fire. I have a very clear conscience that I tried to be a good guy. No angel and probably not easy to live with but I did have a generosity of soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH that has lived through this; MIL would live with us a couple of days a week. Would get the mail, answer the phone, not give messages,wash my underwear. Someone said it very well earlier - take a controlling personality, put them in an environment where they are bored, and you get "I'm only trying to help".
I would implore my DW to discuss with her Mom. As my DW likes to avoid confrontation and her Mom is very controlling, frankly my DW found it easier to control me.
You REALLY need to deal with this head on. Demand your spouse's support and hold them to it. It will get worse. I was young and naive. My MIL and DW really needed a come to Jesus. Instead it was I was wrong for denying my wife the help and support of her Mom. I'd turn around in the morning and she would be cleaning my bathroom. Get work calls that she wouldn't tell me about. I'm older now - it's insane. You really really need to draw s line in the sand. I should have divorced over it - and not because of MIL's behavior but rather DW's handling of it. There is nothing worse than not being able to be comfortable in one's own home.

Yikes! You are really whipped.

Married young, very sensitive to MILs status, and tried to be a good provider. When we dated discussed MIL helping with little ones. Things changed and could afford for DW to SAHM. Frankly preferred that to MIL spending more time with us. I do t know sometimes I think if I was easier going I would not have minded so much but it used to feel like such an invasion of privacy. So, thought that was providers did. But my eyes slowly opened
and I got to the point where I really don't welcome her in my home. Sometimes life is hard. The one lesson I learned is that you and your spouse need to put each other and your relationship first, above all else. If that's not the case then you really can't plan a life together can you ? But yeah it used to put my hair on fire. I have a very clear conscience that I tried to be a good guy. No angel and probably not easy to live with but I did have a generosity of soul.

Pathetic, really pathetic. Should have grown some balls. Your life could have been soo much better. Clear conscience, right. Weakling is more accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DH that has lived through this; MIL would live with us a couple of days a week. Would get the mail, answer the phone, not give messages,wash my underwear. Someone said it very well earlier - take a controlling personality, put them in an environment where they are bored, and you get "I'm only trying to help".
I would implore my DW to discuss with her Mom. As my DW likes to avoid confrontation and her Mom is very controlling, frankly my DW found it easier to control me.
You REALLY need to deal with this head on. Demand your spouse's support and hold them to it. It will get worse. I was young and naive. My MIL and DW really needed a come to Jesus. Instead it was I was wrong for denying my wife the help and support of her Mom. I'd turn around in the morning and she would be cleaning my bathroom. Get work calls that she wouldn't tell me about. I'm older now - it's insane. You really really need to draw s line in the sand. I should have divorced over it - and not because of MIL's behavior but rather DW's handling of it. There is nothing worse than not being able to be comfortable in one's own home.

Yikes! You are really whipped.

Married young, very sensitive to MILs status, and tried to be a good provider. When we dated discussed MIL helping with little ones. Things changed and could afford for DW to SAHM. Frankly preferred that to MIL spending more time with us. I do t know sometimes I think if I was easier going I would not have minded so much but it used to feel like such an invasion of privacy. So, thought that was providers did. But my eyes slowly opened
and I got to the point where I really don't welcome her in my home. Sometimes life is hard. The one lesson I learned is that you and your spouse need to put each other and your relationship first, above all else. If that's not the case then you really can't plan a life together can you ? But yeah it used to put my hair on fire. I have a very clear conscience that I tried to be a good guy. No angel and probably not easy to live with but I did have a generosity of soul.

Pathetic, really pathetic. Should have grown some balls. Your life could have been soo much better. Clear conscience, right. Weakling is more accurate.

you sound very small minded. And even with all that said my life so far has been an incredible ride; been luckier than most. Would attempt to explain the littleness of your thoughts but it would be lost on you. Shared my perspective for the benefit of the OP.

[Anonymous]

You are drowning in a glass of your own bile, don't do that to yourself. The lady is obviously trying to do something nice, to be helpful. It is easy to feel useless when you are at someone else's home and most people want to help anyway they can. Just thank her for picking up your mail everyday, tell her that it is very nice of her and ask her if she would mind not throwing away anything because you like reading some of the "junk". That's it. My MIL stays at our home for a whole month once a year. It sucks, I hate having someone just there all the time, but it is what it is. The first year she tried to be helpful by doing laundry, but she just made a mess, so the second year I kindly told her that I rather do the laundry. My husband is a mama's boy so he told her she could do his laundry and every year she manages to turn his whites to pink LOL But she is happy doing laundry and my husband is happy that she is happy. Some of the things she does and messes she makes I just have to grin and think happy thoughts because she is an older lady and I hope when I'm older my children's spouses will treat me with kindness and respect. You get what you give, so be kind to her.