Seeing a relationship you envy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside looking in is never what it seems. People have their public face. private face and they are never the same.

+1

I guarantee you, that this couple is not as perfect as they seem.

In fact, I tend to think those who look most together on the outside, are the ones who falter most privately.

This is what unhappy couples like to tell themselves. Some people are truly happy and respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outside looking in is never what it seems. People have their public face. private face and they are never the same.

THIS. I know a couple that are super lovey dovey and the "perfect" couple on the outside (especially FB), you'd have no idea he is a habitual cheater, alcoholic, and they fight every single day. That's not always the cause, my husband and I have a great relationship both in public and private, but you really do not ever know just by looking from the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside looking in is never what it seems. People have their public face. private face and they are never the same.

+1

I guarantee you, that this couple is not as perfect as they seem.

In fact, I tend to think those who look most together on the outside, are the ones who falter most privately.

This is what unhappy couples like to tell themselves. Some people are truly happy and respectful.

PP you quotes, and I completely agree that some people are truly happy and respectful. No question. But there's often a more quiet confidence to their relationship, and it's less public and on display.

The question isn't about how happy relationships can be, but rather, how a public perception of looking "perfect" is often not what it seems.

[Anonymous]

NP here. DH is a "great guy", on the outside. No one knows what it is like to live with him - his tirades about nothing, his family issues from his parents, his awful habits, his depression, his mental issues, his abusive nature.....I could go on and on.....

But to the outside world, I am sure some are wondering what he is doing with me. I'm not perfect, but I don't pretend to be, either. Unlike DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outside looking in is never what it seems. People have their public face. private face and they are never the same.

OP here and I agree with you 100%. However, the public display of real respect to each other and the way they treat each other doesn't exactly spell a 180 situation at home. I think they way that they treated each other and the look they give each other reveals a lot. That said, it is true that people will pretend to be something else. However, I don't think that is the case in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outside looking in is never what it seems. People have their public face. private face and they are never the same.

THIS. I know a couple that are super lovey dovey and the "perfect" couple on the outside (especially FB), you'd have no idea he is a habitual cheater, alcoholic, and they fight every single day. That's not always the cause, my husband and I have a great relationship both in public and private, but you really do not ever know just by looking from the outside.

OP again....to clarify, they weren't lovey dovey at all. I should have given examples. One example of "quiet" respect was when the husband left the room and there was a conversation going on about how to update company wide software. The wife was a project manager, and the husband who left the room to get drinks was a software engineer. When he came back after a minute, the wife included him back into the conversation in way that was decent and respectful as it was not his company's party. It went something to this effect: "Hey hon, we were talking about issues surrounding the software update. In your experience, what did you find worked best?" Etc. As you can see, it was not overt sentimentality, but it shows respect. That was but one of the numerous examples that hint toward a strong foundation.

My wife would have ignored me, and no kidding, if I gave my 2 cents about a topic of my expertise, she would say something like "Ok, whatever. You have no idea what you're talking about because you aren't there."

That scenario isn't an exaggeration. She says those things and to and outsider it comes off as harsh and dare I say, abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I assumed OP's wife couldn't even pull off the respect thing at a Christmas party.
2. Even if that was the woman's public face, it's still a model of what he wants.
3. Why do people always go to the 'I'll bet it's a facade' to make themselves feel better?

Face it! Some people's lives are better than yours!

agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Even my wife admits that she is less than nice while I am super good to her."

I get suspicious when DH is super good to me. It means he wants something or is guilty about something.

She meant it as a generality. That I am super good to her. I am super good to her and go about my business. Do I want something in return? Yes. I would love to have respect requited. As any normal person would.

It is weird to me that you would be suspicious of a super nice partner. Even in my situation, I find yours quite sad if you have to ever be in a situation to suspect him.