In love with my married friend

[Anonymous]

"Infatuation", by Rod Stewart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not love, it is infatuation. You have not experienced a full exposure to who he really is to even have the capability to love him. You have a portion of a part of of his character that you are exposed to, and even if it is more than what other fiends/colleagues may see, it isn't 100%. He is unavailable. He is committed to someone else. You are obsessed with a fantasy. Ask yourself why you are attracted to him, list the qualities, then search for a single man that has them. It will probably fade in time.

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

The easiest way to get over one man is to get under another one (figuratively, here). Start focusing on dating/forging relationships with men who are available. The less focus and attention you give this relationship, the more it will fade. It won't be immediate though, so don't expect it to be. Also think of it this way- if he left his wife you'd probably feel some guilt and he would too and it would get in the way of your relationship. So this really has no happy ending other than you getting over him. Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP have you ever seen that movie "Obsessed" with Beyonce? You should watch it. Take a look at the psycho in the film (Ali Larter) That is you. You are the blond idiot trying to steal Beyonce's husband. See a therapist, or switch jobs to get him out of your mind. He is not into you as much as you think he is. You have worked this up in your head to be something its not.

Ma'am? I'm sorry for what has happened in your relationships. But you are projecting way too much onto the OP. When husbands cheat blame them- he's the one who was supposed to love you, not her.

[Anonymous]

The only one that can "make it stop" here OP is you...None of us have the power unfortunately.

I wish one of us could sprinkle some fairy dust on your situation, but then that would just make it too easy for you, wouldn't it??! As adults, we need to man up, be mature and take the reins + be fully accountable for our behaviors and this is the perfect example of just that.

I think your friend is being a jerk for flirting w/you when he is married to someone else. Even if he left his wife for you, (which would make him an even BIGGER jerk in my book) why the hell would you want someone who would treat his wife that way?? He obviously does not respect his wife so what makes you think he would ever respect you...??

Also, you are truly wasting your time on this guy. He is truly a waste for you. You say you are single. There are plenty of single men out there who are available + ready to date, why are you wasting your time dreaming about someone who is already taken? He obviously isn't wasting or spending his time dreaming about you, right?

Be smart and let this one go. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I like about these posts is the OP always claims "we are attracted to one another." Sure, he's still with his wife even though you've supposedly been soul mates for 4 years, but he's very attracted to you and wants to be with you!

Don't know what to say. He's married. This is almost 100-% guaranteed a one sided thing on your part. Go in a date with other single guys and try to get over it.

This. I guarantee the guy in this just sees OP as an everyday co worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I like about these posts is the OP always claims "we are attracted to one another." Sure, he's still with his wife even though you've supposedly been soul mates for 4 years, but he's very attracted to you and wants to be with you!

Don't know what to say. He's married. This is almost 100-% guaranteed a one sided thing on your part. Go in a date with other single guys and try to get over it.

This. I guarantee the guy in this just sees OP as an everyday co worker.

Doubtful. If he's spending time flirting with her he probably is both loyal to his wife and interested in her in a deep fantasy that will never be expressed. He's a guy after all. He is attracted to other women. He just isn't going to act on it. Four years - I mean, by then someone who wanted to cheat and could sense opportunity is going to do something. Someone who doesn't want to cheat is going to be loyal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You are infatuated, and obsessed. If you are so "close" then why are you engaging in stalker-like behavior? Ridiculous. You may be able to get the guy to sleep with you - if he does, is that really the kind of guy you want?

I have a friend who gets obsessed with guys like this. Guys she can't have or who aren't good for her. She also happens to have Asperger's and is a late bloomer. I see this kind of distortion of reality in your case as well.

OP, have you ever had an actual relationship with anyone before?

It sounds like you may need a professional evaluation.

I'm the OP and I'm amazed at how close to the mark you are. I do have Asperger's and I tend to like unavailable guys. I have been in only one relationship, but that was 7 years ago and it last for about -7 months.

There ya go. Do any of your other friends or family members know about this guy? If so, what do they say?

I think you need to work somewhere else or in another department. You need to meet other people and do new things. You know what you need to do, but I know it can be very, very, hard to do it. I hope you can.

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS OP!
How old are you? Just because you're strongly attracted to someone and "in love" doesn't mean you should act on or even take those feelings seriously. Heroin, coke and high fructose corn syrup make everyone feel great...but damn if its a good idea to try any of them.

Just stop it already. Walk away from the drug...switch companies or departments but do not use! And read Women Sex and Addiction by Charlotte Davis Kasl. She'll set you straight.

Detox my friend....

[Anonymous]

OP, you're in a pickle. He may have feeling for you and he may not. The problem here is neither of you is acting on it (not that I am a fan of cheating), and, if after four years of intense flirting with ZERO happening, then it is probably not going to happen. He's not going to leave his wife for you, he's not going to have an affair with you, he's not going to be with you.

He may be an awesome guy (and the fact he hasn't cheated is helpful for that), but this is an unhealthy scenario because it is extremely one-sided and nothing positive or fruitful or next step is ever going to come out of this.

As hard as it may be, you need to channel your energies and interests elsewhere. Think about it: would you rather get over it and mourn for a bit, and then go out and meet someone fabulous, or spend another four years pining over someone who is unattainable, no matter how delicious he is to you. Don't miss out on your life and the love you deserve because of this.

If you're at the potential voodoo stage, then you might believe in something of a higher power. If that is the case, think about this -- you often can reap what you sow. So if you expend energy, essentially, wishing (or trying, which one day it may get to) to break up his marriage, you're asking the universe for something negative and that may fall back on you. Put your time and effort into something positive - someone attainable and available -- and you'll be much happier and healthier, and not have this bad karma following you around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My co-worker is the greatest guy I've ever met, and we are strongly attracted to each other, but obviously never do anything but flirt because he is married and we respect that. For the past 4 years we have become best friends. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that - I'm really in love. I haven't felt this way in years (I'm single) and the intensity is scary. I think about him all the time. I masturbate to him regularly. I kind of stalk him and obsessively learn about his hobbies and interests. And I've been thinking of kooky things like ordering a love spell. I'm getting that obsessed with him.

Make it stop.

You know something -- he's not a great guy. If he was, he would not captivate a woman that he had very little to offer to. If you care about a woman, that's a shitty spot to put her in. Yes it's nice to be liked, paid attention to and all that, but at a point any guy with a brain is going to stop if FOR YOUR SAKE. So you're not in this spot your in -- which clearly has pleasure and pain but most importantly, AINT GOING ANYWHERE.

[Anonymous]

She has Aspergers and wants to order a love spell? 100% troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has Aspergers and wants to order a love spell? 100% troll.

Exactly. Hasn't returned since first post.

[Anonymous]

OP, is there a chance you are a better soulmate for him than his wife?

[Anonymous]

Case study in why women say things like "how come single guys can't be interesting like married or gay guys". Simple, these men have NOTHING to lose like a single date trying to impress you. So they can appear witty, funny, intelligent, and full of confidence which of course makes single women swoon.

OP, even in place like DC, you could have a date with a different professional man every day of the month if you wanted so get out there and take a risk.