In love with my married friend
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Anonymous
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My co-worker is the greatest guy I've ever met, and we are strongly attracted to each other, but obviously never do anything but flirt because he is married and we respect that. For the past 4 years we have become best friends. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that - I'm really in love. I haven't felt this way in years (I'm single) and the intensity is scary. I think about him all the time. I masturbate to him regularly. I kind of stalk him and obsessively learn about his hobbies and interests. And I've been thinking of kooky things like ordering a love spell. I'm getting that obsessed with him.
Make it stop. |
Anonymous
| Ya. Listen, as the wife of a guy other women have loved - I say this from a place of truly wanting to help you, please go speak to someone professionally about this. This obsession is hurting you and only has the potential to really screw things up the him. My experience is that it's not about "love" at all. Other issues at play... |
Anonymous
| 2:45am? Did you wake up in a hot sweat thinking about him? |
Anonymous
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You have to get away from him, OP. Don't know if you can switch locations or jobs or what.
I had a crush on a (single) guy for YEARS. I could not get over him. A big reason was that to go to school, I had to drive by his family's store, and he sometimes worked there. I'd get stuck at the red light, and could look in to see if he was there. I tried not looking--takes even more mental energy to not look. Anyways I finally changed my route, and it took a little while but it worked. |
Anonymous
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Even if he's a decent guy (which is doubtful if he's married and flirting with you), the reality isn't as good as the fantasy once you start paying mortgages and doing laundry together.
There are billions of other guys in the world. Find one of them. |
Anonymous
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If you're that close he probably has feelings for you too. He probably thinks about you and masterbates to thoughts of you.
The only thing that will make it stop is to avoid him and fall in love with someone else. All of the other advise about picturing him on the toilet, etc. is just BS. |
Anonymous
You DH sounds like a real winner. |
Anonymous
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What I like about these posts is the OP always claims "we are attracted to one another." Sure, he's still with his wife even though you've supposedly been soul mates for 4 years, but he's very attracted to you and wants to be with you!
Don't know what to say. He's married. This is almost 100-% guaranteed a one sided thing on your part. Go in a date with other single guys and try to get over it. |
Anonymous
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No. You are infatuated, and obsessed. If you are so "close" then why are you engaging in stalker-like behavior? Ridiculous. You may be able to get the guy to sleep with you - if he does, is that really the kind of guy you want?
I have a friend who gets obsessed with guys like this. Guys she can't have or who aren't good for her. She also happens to have Asperger's and is a late bloomer. I see this kind of distortion of reality in your case as well. OP, have you ever had an actual relationship with anyone before? It sounds like you may need a professional evaluation. |
Anonymous
| This will not end well, but you know that or you wouldn't be asking us to make it stop. See a psychologist. Get help. You're not crazy, but you need an objective third party to help you make sense of this and take healthy steps to move on. |
Anonymous
| If you have expressed attraction to each other, flirt and are "best friends" within that context then you are not actually respecting his marriage, and you are not a friend to his marriage. As long as you are wrapped up in your colleague, you will not be open to finding a true and available partner, but you know this. I imagine you also know this flirtation is a dead end, at least for you. And it also sounds like you have verged into obsession territory, so this infatuation is bringing out the worst in you. You are now creepy - is that what you want? |
Anonymous
| It is not love, it is infatuation. You have not experienced a full exposure to who he really is to even have the capability to love him. You have a portion of a part of of his character that you are exposed to, and even if it is more than what other fiends/colleagues may see, it isn't 100%. He is unavailable. He is committed to someone else. You are obsessed with a fantasy. Ask yourself why you are attracted to him, list the qualities, then search for a single man that has them. It will probably fade in time. |
Anonymous
| He sleeps with his wife. Not you. Do you really want him to sleep with you to? Get a life. |
Anonymous
| everyone has had a crush, and an inappropriate crush at that. but you lost me at "love spell." |
Anonymous
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Yes, OP - make it stop.
It's not him. It's about you. You are a bad person. |