How do I move on from a relationship that had no closure?

[Anonymous]

RHinVA wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm a guy ....... 57

I feel for you because misery loves company
I also had an intense romance for 4 mths when I was mid 20's. I still haven't gotten over it completely. Meanwhile, I married the woman in my next relationship ....... I simply could not handle another breakup. I was devastated beyond comprehension and never wanted to go thru it again.

I fell madly in Love with her but never verbalized it. When we first started dating, she made the comment "Every man I date falls in love with me " ..... I figured then that she just played with men's hearts and I'd never let myself fall in love with her. I would write her off in my head as a summer fling. She turned out to be the most desirable woman I could imagine. For her, it was completely natural to make a man fell like a real man. She was completely open with her emotions from the very beginning and always made me feel complete. She'd let me know all the time how I pleased her. Would always sit in the middle seat next to me in the car ... just little things that said "Honey, you're the best thing that ever happened to me"

Was very verbal in bed by telling me how wonderful I made her feel. Lots of moaning and cooing. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with a boner and get out of bed to urinate, she'd wake up and see my boner, and ask if she wanted her to take care of it. Usually we'd orgasm together, if she did before me, then without any prompting on my part, she'd go right down and suck every last drop out of me. All with a smile on her face, as if she really enjoyed pleasing me.

Was always proud to show me off in public by standing close to me, showing great affection towards me in front of her family and friends. It was all totally natural to her. She never had an inhibited bone in her body.

One early morning she woke me by climbing on top of me and we had our usual orgasm together. She went to the bathroom to get ready for work, came back to the bedroom for clothes. I was laying in bed staring at her ..... I knew that very instant that I absolutely LOVED her. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She looked at me and said "What, what's up " . I knew that very moment that I couldn't tell her I loved her, I knew that I'd just be another man that fell in love with her. I knew this moment would be the beginning of the end.

The week afterwards, I'm driving down the road and it hits me so hard. I knew in my heart that she could have any man she wanted. I knew she didn't want me the way I wanted her. The next week, she broke a promise to me. I broke up with her instantly. She ran to the bathroom crying and locked herself in. I told her thru the door I was leaving and wanted her to leave her key on the table when she left. I knew I wasn't good enough for her. I knew she deserved someone better.

I love my wife. I still can't stop crying over the one I loved the most though. It's been 34 yrs. I don't know if I've been blessed to have known such a beautiful woman in my life, or cursed that I can never forget her.

That's so sad! Why did you think she didn't want you the same way you wanted her? Why didn't you talk about that with her? It sounds like you felt inferior to her for some reason. Why did you think you weren't good enough for her? Sorry for all the questions but your post struck a nerve. I've had guys say similar things to me and it drives me nuts. The only thing keeping them from having a great relationship with me was their own self-esteem issues.

Sorry OP, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I was just letting you know that some relationships simply don't get closure.

In answer to the questions RHinVA posed to me :

She was very intuitive. Fact is, I had told her that several times during our time together. That moment when I knew I had fallen in Love, when she asked me "What's up", I sensed that she saw it in my eyes and knew I fell in Love, no way I could hide it on my face. My face was all lit up and she saw it immediately. She ignored it. That's when I knew it was the beginning of the end.

I didn't talk to her about it because I've always had more pride than commonsense. I'm the complete opposite of a stalker personality, if there is such a thing. I would never want a woman to hang around just because I loved her. If the feeling isn't mutual, I just can't handle it.

Mostly I didn't think I was good enough for her because she was very socially adept. She was remarkable at putting people at ease and making friends. She loved people. Me, not so much, I have to warm up to people. She was so much more outgoing than me. I've always felt stupid about being shy. I knew that outgoing people can soon tire of more introverted people. I was never shy with her, we hit it off the first moment we laid eyes on each other. Put me in a group of people and I clam up. Bottom line, I knew she could find someone that she would be much happier with.

[Anonymous]

12:51 - not every social butterfly wants to be with a person just like her/himself. I am very social, but I actually like dating guys who are a little more introverted because I can get my extroverted side out with other people and then enjoy just relaxing one-on-one with people who are more introverted. It can be hard for two extroverted people to spend time just together, alone.

What I don't like is when someone makes me feel bad about being an extrovert. I can't help it, any more than they can help preferring more alone time. that has been a problem for me in the past. Or they get jealous because they wish they could be more socially adept, or because they assume you'll flirt with others.