DH rarely wants sex

[Anonymous]

I think what you hear is TYPICALLY men are high women low. When a man is low, probably most times a woman does not complain because it suits her low drive as well. People take to the internet when the balance is off to vent because it is indeed very very stressful for the high drive person not to get their needs met.

Wrong. Women don't typically discuss it because it is humiliating and demoralizing. Comments like yours perpetuate this myth that men always want sex and women don't. When a woman is confronted with a low-drive man her self worth takes a nosedive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We should form a support group. We rarely have sex. Been this way for years. I have to initiate or beg for sex if I want it. I am over begging and talking about it. It is soul killing.

Same situation here.

[Anonymous]

Cheating. Look into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Women don't typically discuss it because it is humiliating and demoralizing. Comments like yours perpetuate this myth that men always want sex and women don't. When a woman is confronted with a low-drive man her self worth takes a nosedive.

You seem to be saying that, because it's more common for her to reject him, that it's somehow more humiliating when she is rejected?
Nope
That's like arguing that head injuries are common while skateboarding so those should "hurt less" than falling on one's head in the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Women don't typically discuss it because it is humiliating and demoralizing. Comments like yours perpetuate this myth that men always want sex and women don't. When a woman is confronted with a low-drive man her self worth takes a nosedive.

You seem to be saying that, because it's more common for her to reject him, that it's somehow more humiliating when she is rejected?
Nope
That's like arguing that head injuries are common while skateboarding so those should "hurt less" than falling on one's head in the shower.

Actually, it is because in our society the myth is perpetuated that men want it all the time therefore, there must be something wrong with a women if her spouse sexually rejects her. While it is still hurtful and humiliating for a man to be rejected, societal messages say that women don't want sex therefore, it is about her problem and not him personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, OK, he's put on some extra weight. What about you OP?

OP here. Nope. And I'm not upset about his weight - I still find him very attractive (hence why I'd like to have sex more! Haha). I was just answering the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrong. Women don't typically discuss it because it is humiliating and demoralizing. Comments like yours perpetuate this myth that men always want sex and women don't. When a woman is confronted with a low-drive man her self worth takes a nosedive.

You seem to be saying that, because it's more common for her to reject him, that it's somehow more humiliating when she is rejected?
Nope
That's like arguing that head injuries are common while skateboarding so those should "hurt less" than falling on one's head in the shower.

That's not what she's saying. Rejection is hurtful no matter who does it. What she is saying is that the concept of wife turning husband down is more commonly accepted in the public discourse, so men are more comfortable bringing it up, and they also get more emotional support for it. It is still not completely accepted for a woman to say out loud that she has sex needs that her husband isn't meeting. Therefore, the society doesn't offer as much support to the woman who isn't getting any from her husband. Most of what she gets is raised eyebrows.

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this. He's in his mid-40s. He says his drive has always been lower than average and even in relationships in his 20s, the sex would wane after the initial flurry.

We talk about the issue openly and we have to make an effort to have regular sex. I tell him that I need him to initiate sometimes and he does. When we have sex, no trouble on his end at all (because that is so freaking demoralizing, right?) and we both enjoy it. It's just not a natural major priority for either of us unless we make it one.

I think there is a huge range of normal and I agree with a PP that says that we just hear more complaints from the mis-matched sex drive couples (typically high drive male and low drive woman).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom such a man!

Are your husbands overweight or do they not exercise? Excess body fat causes low T. Low T send your sex drive into a nose dive.

My DH was like that in his early 30s. It's not that rare.

EARLY 30s????!!! Did he ever pick it back up again?

No. He's been a once or twice a week guy for the 20 years I've known him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating helps!

Yep, but it's way risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old?

He is 42. I'm 35.

Similar age gap, similar problem. We have a toddler, and even after we got out of the nursing/total sleep deprivation phase, he's just not that interested. He will if I directly initiate, but never initiates. He's ambivalent about a second kid, which I think also contributes to it (even though I am on BC). He's not overweight, but he is really stressed at work. Frankly, I don't like being the only one to initiate, and it makes me less likely to initiate, because I don't feel remotely attractive or desired. I thought that if I did a couple of times in a row, it would kind of kick-start things, but it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. He's in his mid-40s. He says his drive has always been lower than average and even in relationships in his 20s, the sex would wane after the initial flurry.

We talk about the issue openly and we have to make an effort to have regular sex. I tell him that I need him to initiate sometimes and he does. When we have sex, no trouble on his end at all (because that is so freaking demoralizing, right?) and we both enjoy it. It's just not a natural major priority for either of us unless we make it one.

I think there is a huge range of normal and I agree with a PP that says that we just hear more complaints from the mis-matched sex drive couples (typically high drive male and low drive woman).

My husband does have issues--he can't finish, as it were. So, the combination of him never initiating and then not coming when I do initiate is incredibly depressing and demoralizing for me. It's like sex is just for me, not for him, so I might as well take care of things myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think what you hear is TYPICALLY men are high women low. When a man is low, probably most times a woman does not complain because it suits her low drive as well. People take to the internet when the balance is off to vent because it is indeed very very stressful for the high drive person not to get their needs met.

Wrong. Women don't typically discuss it because it is humiliating and demoralizing. Comments like yours perpetuate this myth that men always want sex and women don't. When a woman is confronted with a low-drive man her self worth takes a nosedive.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom such a man!

Are your husbands overweight or do they not exercise? Excess body fat causes low T. Low T send your sex drive into a nose dive.

My DH was like that in his early 30s. It's not that rare.

EARLY 30s????!!! Did he ever pick it back up again?

No. He's been a once or twice a week guy for the 20 years I've known him.

Same here. I've accepted the fact I can't change him. Right now I'm refusing to put out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom such a man!

Are your husbands overweight or do they not exercise? Excess body fat causes low T. Low T send your sex drive into a nose dive.

My DH was like that in his early 30s. It's not that rare.

EARLY 30s????!!! Did he ever pick it back up again?

No. He's been a once or twice a week guy for the 20 years I've known him.

Same here. I've accepted the fact I can't change him. Right now I'm refusing to put out.

Once or twice a week is not what I consider low drive...more like average. If my spouse refused to put out because we were only having sex 1-2 times a week.....well lets just say I would find some strange.