Middle School Blues

[Anonymous]

Just a quick FYI: it's VERY common for kids, ESPECIALLY smart kids, to DO their homework but then not give it in for all sorts of non-reasons.

I can't say why, but I have watched this happen for over twenty years.

[Anonymous]

You kid is already being labeled by the school so your DH needs to realize that first.

Second, yes, you did fail your child. You knew he had a problem, you pretended it didn't exist, and actively choose not to get help.

Third, you are failing him worse now. Money to buy a new home but no money to get him help to ensure he can be a academically successful? Get a private eval, get tutors, whatever it takes.

Lastly, you don't get him help now, your kid will barely make it through high school and college isn't going to happen, if your DH, is embarrassed now about your son having academic issues ask how he is going to feel explaining to family and friends when they are all asking about what college DS is going to in a few years that your DS is working a low wage job instead if going to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op's biggest problem is her husband. According to op, he doesn't want his child "labeled" or for the child to use the diagnosis as a crutch. Her dh is an expert who doesn't see any sign of disability.

I feel very sorry for your child. You need to get your head out of the sand.

While I think PPs comments worded a little harshly, I agree that "I don't want him to be labeled" is a sentiment that is not helpful. We are all labeled in school and life -- smart, stupid, funny, quiet, a leader, a reader, good at math, very social, disobedient, a troublemaker, etc. You can be very sure that your child already has several of these labels strongly attached to him by fellow students and teachers and even himself.

Unfortunately, there is still a stigma against learning disabilities and disorders like ADHD. This stems from a time when we did not understand the brain very well and so society believed these behavior patterns reflected willful negative or disruptive choices, rather than what we know today -- that these behavior patterns are reflective of underlying brain/neurologically based structures and processes. Most kids today with LD or ADHD can perform as well as their peers in school as long as they have the proper supports and instruction.

My child has LDs and ADD/Inattentive. He attached many labels to himself (as his students and teachers did). Among these were -- stupid, bad, slow, mean, etc. Now that he is getting the proper help, he understands himself differently and has different labels -- smart, dyslexic, dysgraphic, hard-worker, successful, etc.

[Anonymous]

Another concern is that by not helping your child in the way the he NEEDS help, he is going to hate school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure that moving house mid-year is one of the few circumstances where MCPS is almost certain to approve a COSA. It will only be valid through the end of this current school year, but it's still better than nothing. Look into it ASAP.

This is true. If you file a COSA it will be granted for you to stay in your current school thru the end of the year. Possibly you could get one more year, if moving to your new school meant your child would be in that school for only one year before they have to move yet again. Since I think you said your chid is already in 6th grade, it doesn't sound like and extra year would be given, but you will definitely get thru the end of the year. File the COSA and you should hear back in 3-4 weeks.

Also, if your child has an IEP or 504 plan, that will move with him to the new school which will be obligated to implement it. As part of the IEP process, you can sometimes request placement in certain schools that are not your home school if serves the needs of the child in the IEP. For example, if your chid is evaluated and identified as GT/LD, then he might get placed at one of the middle schools with GT/LD programs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with others who suggest getting an appointment for a private neuropsych. These are often booked months in advance and the full written report, which is necessary in order to work with the school, is often not available for another 6-8 weeks.

In the meanwhile, I STRONGLY suggest you write a letter to the school requesting an IEP for your child on the basis that you suspect ADHD Inattentive with Executive Dysfunction which is having an impact on his ability to complete the homework in school, which is an "adverse impact on education".

Is the change in math classes a move "down"? If so, I would also reflect this as an "adverse impact". If not, then why the change? It is not appropriate to reduce the educational opportunities for a child with a disability (and under the law, ADHD can be a "disability"). A child with a disability has a legal right to accommodations and special instruction to access and perform in a class that is commensurate with ability. (And if your child has never been tested, then no one has any idea what his "ability" is. The school will assume he is "average" which can mean as low as the 25th percentile in achievement, but it is often the case that the measured IQ indicates a much higher ability than that.)

Once you file the written request for the IEP, the school is obligated to meet with you within 30 days. This first meeting is the "IEP Screening Meeting," where the IEP team (of which you are a member) decides whether there is "reasonable suspicion" of a "disability".

In order to get thru the "IEP Screening", you need to make a plausible argument in three separate areas -- 1) disorder, 2) adverse impact and 3) need for special instruction. In your case, it sounds like your son might have ADHD/Inattentive with Executive Function problems and/or slow processing. ADHD qualifies as a "disorder" under the "other health impairment category" in the federal IDEA law. (The federal law is essentially the legal underpinning for the IEP process.)

You will have to show how this disorder is having an adverse educational impact. Proving "adverse educational impact" doesn't mean showing that grades are failing (although that would make it easier), but the adverse impact can really be in any area that drags down overall performance. Not writing, doing and/or turning in homework consistently is actually a classic problem that ADD/Inattentive kids have and failure to do homework is definitely an "adverse impact" even if it is only 10% of the grade.

Finally, you will have to show "need for specialized instruction". Kids with ADHD often need special instruction on how to organize their homework in order to be successful. You are essentially doing that already by organizing his binder and coaching him, but that is the school's job too. His teacher should be checking what he has written down as an assignment every day and that he has necessary materials (like worksheet or textbook) and specifically prompting him to turn it in.

If you "pass" the "IEP Screening," the school will have 60 days to do a psychoeducational evaluation of your child for FREE. They must share the results with you prior to the "IEP Determination Meeting." Typically, an school psychologist assigned to the cluster will do this. While I think the quality is often lower than a private neuropsych, it costs you nothing, and you can still have the private neuropsych do the full testing when your appointment finally rolls around months from now.

I advise that you ask for an IEP and not a 504 plan. The IEP has more legal protections that help you ensure that the support is actually being provided, and better monitors his progress. The IEP also has more specific timeline protections. (The whole IEP process from first written request to final written IEP plan must happen within 120 days, unless you waive the timeline requirements.)

Also, the composition of the IEP team has specific legal requirements. Although there is a requirement to assess under 504 law, it is not mandatory in the same way as it is for the IEP. Also, if you decide that the 504 plan will not be enough, all the time spent in the 504 process occurs while the clock is NOT ticking. You would have to refile and new meetings would have to be called to include the legally mandated IEP participants. By contrast, if you ask for an IEP plan, if the IEP team decides an IEP is NOT appropriate, they can consider on the spot in the alternative a 504 plan.

If the worst happens and you are not approved for an IEP, then you will have your private neuropsych lined up. Based on the results of that, which qualifies as "new information" you can simply refile for the IEP again. IME, once the team knows you're serious and won't go away, they often give you the IEP.

[Anonymous]

Another thought on the COSA issue. Some kids (and it sounds like OP's is one of them) have a lot of difficulty with the first year of MS and the first year of HS. Moving him in 7th grade could prolong the period of adjustment and mean that during two of the three years of MS, he has major adjustments. Maybe if he moves in 6th grade, maybe he can have all of his difficulty with adjustment in the same year and have two relatively good years of MS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Serious question - can't a sixth grader just be a disorganized student who is having trouble getting used to the new routine without needing a label or a special plan?
Maybe help with basic organization skills and chill a bit.

Exactly. I had similar issues to OP during 6th grade in MCPS and switched DC to an independent school this year. (Although my DC does have ADD inattentive and other issues). I am AMAZED by how much the independent school teaches the kids (and parents) about organization. As the Middle School Head said, "Organization is learned, not innate."

OP, my kid would have had a ton of issues continuing on in MCPS middle school. Which school are you zoned for? Schools differ radically in their approach to 504s and IEPs (even though they are not supposed to do this). I'd suggest reaching out to the middle school counselors NOW before you close. If you are not reassured by what you hear, maybe you could reevaluate your house purchase and go private for the middle school years? It will rebuilt DC's confidence too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should let go of feeling bad about not having him tested when he was younger. You were successful in getting him the supports he needed to be successful without testing and you probably wouldn't have gotten any more with testing. So, it's a no harm, no foul kind of thing. Second thing is, homework is only 10% of the grade, so if your son does well enough on everything else, at most, not turning any homework in at all lowers his grade only one letter grade. Not ideal, but it's sixth grade and he is adjusting to many things. It's not the end of the world if he loses points over homework. But, there is no need to panic. He is not and will not fail due to the homework issue. Also, as far as the binder/homework issue, I'd suggest that if he is having difficulty opening the binder rings that you check out Staples or Office Depot for a packet that you put in the binder that has a snap or some other device that can fit into the binder that your son can open. That will remove the physical obstacle from the problem list. Finally, just e-mail and ask why his math class is being changed if it is upsetting you.

Another suggestion I have is to request that his counselor schedule a meeting with his teachers. I do it every year at the beginning of the year for my SN boys. You won't get to talk at BTS night and November parent teacher conferences are a long time away. At our MS, conferences are held at 9:15 or 9:30 am. I've already had my first one of the year for my MSer. It's a good way to express your concerns, make requests for accommodations and assistance for you son, share with the teachers information about your son that will help them work with him and develop a relationship with the teachers.

I know this isn't going to be comforting, but so many kids have this issue when they start middle school and again when they start high school. I found that once the teachers understood that my boys needed some extra support, they were more than happy to provide it.

Homework was more than 10% of grade for my DC in 6th. There was a long term project that the teacher refused to post on Edline (apparently not in the teachers union contract). It was a nightmare. Kid got a D in the class and kid is GREAT at that subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -
Thank you every one for all of your tips and advice. I stopped by the library and checked out The Organized Student book. The synopsis does sound like exactly what we are going through.

I sat down to talk to my son more about switching Math classes. They have moved his schedule around to accommodate a new class - Academic Support Program. In order to do so it looks like they took away Gym and Health, which I though was mandated, but I can't tell for certain. They gave him a handout that tells parents about all that is involved with ASP. The goals are:
- develop positive relationship with staff
- earn Cs or better in core subjects
- maintain 90% or higher attendance
- develop organizational and self-advocacy skills
- build positive social interaction and increase participation in social settings

It kind of sounds like a class in lieu of a 504? Attendance and increasing standardized test scores (a measure that the class is a success) have never been an issue, but it still sounds like he could benefit from the class. It will be his first class every morning. I'm happy the teachers identified he needed help, but I'm still shocked that none of this was communicated to me directly. I guess I'm still absorbing everything. He is absorbing everything too. At first it was just, "they moved me to a new math class", then later he said he though we should talk about the pamphlet.

If all goes well, I've decided that I'm going to see if he can remain at this school for the rest of the year. I just don't have it in me to get him settled, only to start all over in November. I'm not sure how well that will go over with the school.

Regarding testing, I agree we should at least talk to his doctor. He was miserable in 3rd grade. He survived by really reading during every spare minute. Reading became his security blanket and a way to have minimal social interaction. As great as reading is, I don't want to encourage any antisocial behaviors at this point. It's time to try a new approach so we don't repeat this pattern in the future.

I really appreciate all of the feedback.

OP, this is great BUT it sounds like you are getting another "unofficial IEP." What happens when he's in a new school? I think you need to get this formalized. I had a similar situation and the special ed teacher "decided" on her own that my kid "didn't need" the resource class. Didn't even inform me! Kid was floundering and is now at a regular private school (not a special needs school) that has a focus on organization and actively helps kids with this.

[Anonymous]

I would set up a meeting with the school and demand to know why they are making special education changes without informing you. You don't have to be confrontational, but you are 100% entitled to know what decisions they are making about your child and why. You are entitled to have input. Sounds like a good first period class. They have these classes first or last period to help kids ease into their day or ease out. That sounds positive. Do not hold off on your home purchase! This is important and you will learn about your son's needs over the year but this is not an emergency. I think it's a great idea to get through the year, figure out your son's needs, and then bring that to the new school next year. That said, you might involve your son in the decision. If he is hating his current school, might be worth moving earlier. If he is comfortable, there is something to gain by waiting. My 7th grader with SN is much more mature this year so next year will be different for you guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would set up a meeting with the school and demand to know why they are making special education changes without informing you. You don't have to be confrontational, but you are 100% entitled to know what decisions they are making about your child and why. You are entitled to have input. Sounds like a good first period class. They have these classes first or last period to help kids ease into their day or ease out. That sounds positive. Do not hold off on your home purchase! This is important and you will learn about your son's needs over the year but this is not an emergency. I think it's a great idea to get through the year, figure out your son's needs, and then bring that to the new school next year. That said, you might involve your son in the decision. If he is hating his current school, might be worth moving earlier. If he is comfortable, there is something to gain by waiting. My 7th grader with SN is much more mature this year so next year will be different for you guys.

Actually, without a formal IEP or 504 plan, any changes the school makes are just adjustments to normal instruction and there's no legal need to notify parent's about changes. This is yet another reason to make the formal, written request for an IEP. Once the IEP plan is approved, it is considered "placement" and any changes to the "placement" can be objected to. If the parent objects, the school has to revert to the plan as it was before the unilateral change and hold meetings, you have the right to challenge the change via dispute resolution mechanisms, etc.

Of course, if the parent asks, the school should tell, but we often found this to be a guessing game -- having to question DC closely about changes or noticing a drop in performance before even thinking to ask "what did you change".

[Anonymous]

OP back again - thanks for the feedback.

I've scheduled an appointment with our primary care doctor. We will have to get a referal to go see Dr. Black before it will be covered by insurance.

The change in Math class is not a step down, they had to rearrange his schedule to accomodate the new Academic Support Program course. In doing so, he will not have Health class this quarter. ASP can last one quarter, or all year (if all year, he'd miss Gym for quarters 2-4). I never new about the class prior to this week, but I attended back to school night last night and I think it will be a great help to him. The ASP teacher is also certified in Special Needs, so she will be evaluating him for any recommended testing as well. Currently there are only five students in ASP for 6th grade. The individual attention and direction will be very beneficial.

We have a meeting next week with the school counselor. I spoke to him briefly last night. We will go over the pros and cons of changing schools and if needed file a COSA. We will also loop in the counselor at the new school to see what if any accomodations can be put in place.

I am upset that the school made all of these changes without informing me. I did express that last night. I was told multiple emails went back and forth between his teachers, counselor and special needs staff on Monday afternoon. The decision, while made quickly, is a good thing. I just want to be informed proactively for all future meetings or discussions. My other concern for now is that ASP is also unofficial, so it doesn't stay with him like an IEP or 504 plan.

Homework is 10% of his grade, so that is a good thing. Funny thing is DS realized this and also used it as an excuse, "Well, it's only 10%, so I'll be fine because I do well on test." I explained the 10% could mean the difference between passing or failing.

Overall, I think we are on the right track.