Middle School Blues

[Anonymous]

FYI, if you call Stixrud now, they'll probably give you an appointment in ~March/April for Dr. Black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, I am pretty disgusted with these teachers. I taught 7th grade, so my kids were a year older than your DS (I also co-taught several classes with a special ed teacher, so I have a lot of experience with the "unique" and the "labelled", which to me were just kids).

I don't get your disgust. I think the teachers were pretty good. They identified a problem within two weeks of the start of school. They didn't just sit on it. Rather they talked to the student. When they got what seems like rather unusual answers, they contacted the parent.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Based on the issues that you described that he was facing in third grade,

"the inability to make eye contact, unwillingness to answer her questions (when directly asked), poor organization, he wouldn’t turn in homework, or wasn’t organized enough to find it..."

have only gotten worse. Kudos to the one teacher for using a rewards chart. However, it obviously wasn't enough. I think he needs more than just learning how to stay organized (although that would help).

Go ahead with a private neuropsych evaluation. You don't necessarily have to share the results with the school, and you don't necessarily have to have a 504 or IEP although it sounds like he needs one.

Your husband is obviously holding on to some fears, which is understandable. But how can you help your son if you're not even sure what the issues are? If you suspected he had a tumor, your husband would be okay with getting an MRI, right? The brain is an organ too and there are lots of complexities we don't understand. However, there are some basic things you can do (like the testing).

The time for hand wringing and self-blame is over. Take action!

[Anonymous]

OP Here -
Thank you every one for all of your tips and advice. I stopped by the library and checked out The Organized Student book. The synopsis does sound like exactly what we are going through.

I sat down to talk to my son more about switching Math classes. They have moved his schedule around to accommodate a new class - Academic Support Program. In order to do so it looks like they took away Gym and Health, which I though was mandated, but I can't tell for certain. They gave him a handout that tells parents about all that is involved with ASP. The goals are:
- develop positive relationship with staff
- earn Cs or better in core subjects
- maintain 90% or higher attendance
- develop organizational and self-advocacy skills
- build positive social interaction and increase participation in social settings

It kind of sounds like a class in lieu of a 504? Attendance and increasing standardized test scores (a measure that the class is a success) have never been an issue, but it still sounds like he could benefit from the class. It will be his first class every morning. I'm happy the teachers identified he needed help, but I'm still shocked that none of this was communicated to me directly. I guess I'm still absorbing everything. He is absorbing everything too. At first it was just, "they moved me to a new math class", then later he said he though we should talk about the pamphlet.

If all goes well, I've decided that I'm going to see if he can remain at this school for the rest of the year. I just don't have it in me to get him settled, only to start all over in November. I'm not sure how well that will go over with the school.

Regarding testing, I agree we should at least talk to his doctor. He was miserable in 3rd grade. He survived by really reading during every spare minute. Reading became his security blanket and a way to have minimal social interaction. As great as reading is, I don't want to encourage any antisocial behaviors at this point. It's time to try a new approach so we don't repeat this pattern in the future.

I really appreciate all of the feedback.

[Anonymous]

I like this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Homework-Made-Simple-Solutions-Stress-Free/dp/0971460981/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410308672&sr=1-2&keywords=ann+dolin

OP, Don't stress too much at this point, especially if he's switching schools soon. Think of it as a clean slate. I would talk with the school he'll be moving too soon rather than later, e.g., b/f he starts.

If you search the forum, you can gin up the names of psychologists who do the neuropsych testing and get it scheduled. Warning, it's not cheap. We had family friends who waited until their kid graduated from h.s. to get the testing, just to tell them what they suspected--ADHD. However, their kid had a miserable h.s. experience and wasn't really prepared for college b/c he didn't have a handle on the executive function stuff.

Also, do something special as a family with your DS. His choice. He probably needs a little ego boost/reassurance. Let him know that you're going to figure this out together.

[Anonymous]

Please get your son evaluated - a full neuropsych is best, but expensive. It will tell you an enormous amount of info on his weaknesses and strength, and also if he has some kind of learning disability. Then you will be able to decide whether or not you want to share some or all of that info with the school. Consult your ped for recs and to check to see if your insurance can cover some of the costs.

My 9 year old son has mild ADHD and also has some Asperger's tendencies, and his executive function, focus and eye contact issues sound exactly like your son's! DS has had an IEP since Kindergarten thanks to the wonderful elementary school he goes to.

Organization is key to transitioning to middle school. Good luck to both if you, and tell you husband that this is the best way to help your son.

O

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure that moving house mid-year is one of the few circumstances where MCPS is almost certain to approve a COSA. It will only be valid through the end of this current school year, but it's still better than nothing. Look into it ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Op's biggest problem is her husband. According to op, he doesn't want his child "labeled" or for the child to use the diagnosis as a crutch. Her dh is an expert who doesn't see any sign of disability.

I feel very sorry for your child. You need to get your head out of the sand.

[Anonymous]

I cringe whenever I hear "i don't want my child labeled". It has nothing to do with the parents looking out for the child and more with the parents having ego issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op's biggest problem is her husband. According to op, he doesn't want his child "labeled" or for the child to use the diagnosis as a crutch. Her dh is an expert who doesn't see any sign of disability.

I feel very sorry for your child. You need to get your head out of the sand.

+1 It's only going to get harder for your DS and refusing to evaluate and finding out exactly what the problems are isn't going to make the problems go away. Sounds like the school has already "labeled" DS already... And they have already labeled you as "those parents" who refuse to get their child evaluated and getting him the help he needs as shown by putting him into ASP without asking for your input.

If you feel guilty about not getting him evaluated in third grade, you are going to feel a lot more guilty about not evaluating him in 6th.

[Anonymous]

OP into what school or school system are you moving in second quarter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP into what school or school system are you moving in second quarter?

I'm not sure the OP is actually moving school systems, just schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you go the eval route, I guess it's worth calling soon to get on a waiting list but I would want to wait a little further into the year to see how things progress and be able to share that info with the psychologist. Their eval is largely dependent on parent report and possibly teacher report so it's important to establish what your son's track record is. Perhaps it would be best to do an eval in 3rd quarter so you have a good sense of how he's doing and how he's progressed with the new school.

I would vote for getting on the waitlists now and doing this sooner. By 3rd qtr, he could lose the entire year. It's important to stay on top of this since you already know he has had issues like this in the past. My dd wasted a whole year of school while I put off testing, and she day dreamed away her year at school. Since you already feel some regret about not doing this sooner, just get it done.

[Anonymous]

Another vote here for the neuropsych (and for Dr. Black in particular). Your son sounds so much like ours, and we also delayed a formal evaluation because we couldn't believe there was anything that serious to worry about. He's so smart! And so charming, and affectionate, and socially motivated (though awkward), and hilarious. He's the coolest kid in the world, and I was so much like him at his age--surely he'll be fine, right? And he will. But he also has Aspergers, which (it turns out) can look very different from my preconceptions. Understanding that has helped us a lot, and the initial terror subsides very quickly. If you read the books that people who are diagnosed with ASD as adults write, the one thing they all consistently say is how much they wish they had known earlier--because they think they would have been happier, and more socially successful, if they had understood what was going on. Even if you don't have your son evaluated, I'd suggest reading some of those books yourself if you haven't. I bet you'll find it fascinating and helpful, even if your son just (like many of us) has a few ASD-like traits but not at a level that subjectively merits a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote here for the neuropsych (and for Dr. Black in particular). Your son sounds so much like ours, and we also delayed a formal evaluation because we couldn't believe there was anything that serious to worry about. He's so smart! And so charming, and affectionate, and socially motivated (though awkward), and hilarious. He's the coolest kid in the world, and I was so much like him at his age--surely he'll be fine, right? And he will. But he also has Aspergers, which (it turns out) can look very different from my preconceptions. Understanding that has helped us a lot, and the initial terror subsides very quickly. If you read the books that people who are diagnosed with ASD as adults write, the one thing they all consistently say is how much they wish they had known earlier--because they think they would have been happier, and more socially successful, if they had understood what was going on. Even if you don't have your son evaluated, I'd suggest reading some of those books yourself if you haven't. I bet you'll find it fascinating and helpful, even if your son just (like many of us) has a few ASD-like traits but not at a level that subjectively merits a diagnosis.

+1000. Another vote for a neuropsych and Dr. Black. He's seen 1000's of kids with ASD and Asperger's in particular. He's the guy to see if you suspect Asperger's.