DH taking over many of my roles...but...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a sahm (work part time 10 hours a week) and I've never been a good housekeeper. I cook a ton from scratch, I clean the kitchen after myself, but sometimes I don't see clutter, I only sweep under the dining room table every other day, even though it could use every day. I spend my time with my kids, going to playgrounds and nature centers, play dates, libraries. We do arts and crafts and play board games and read together a ton. The more I push myself to have a super clean house (and I go in phases) the less time I have with my kids or my dh (at night after the kids go to bed).

Lower your expectations, accept that you have an amazing supportive husband, choose sex over getting the house in perfect order after the kids go to bed. What will you remember on your death bed? Your perfect house? Or your amazing relationship with your dh?

+10000

My mother always had a clean house. But we never went anywhere or did anything. My house is messier but we do a lot more activities. You just have to prioritize. And if your DH is stepping up to do MORE, then he has his limits as well. He can't do EVERYTHING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think those sound like "basic cleaning tasks." You sound quite anal-retentive. So what if some crumbs stay on the floor?

This is gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I was surprised to find out that many DCUMers think nothing of leaving dirty dishes in the sink for several days.

I literally can't stand that.

And they very likely have filthy pets too. Gross.

[Anonymous]

I think you should relax your standards. Look, some people are just messier than others and don't mind it. I'm one of those people and like your husband, I did not really choose to be the parent who does the bulk of the housework and childcare but I've made professional sacrifices for my husband and my family. My DH is super clean, but we had many 'talks' the first year of this arrangement about his expectations and where I thought he could put his expectations. I'm way cleaner than I used to be but I'll never be as neat as he wants me to be. He does a ton when he's home from work and doesn't say a word anymore except will sometimes bring in a cleaning service to do the bathrooms and kitchen.

All that said, bugs are a whole different level. I think it is kind of understood that leaving food out for an extended period is not a good idea and you would be right to ask him to at least clean up food and crumbs.

How recent is this arrangement? It takes awhile to get a method for taking care of the house and kids, especially if he wasn't responsible for it before. Maybe he's exhausted after making dinner and getting the kids ready for bed and needs a break before cleaning the kitchen. So, yeah, maybe you should pitch in. And if you just 'can't' and have no $ for a house cleaner, you need to learn to let it go.