Inlaws suddenly very hostile towards me, help

[Anonymous]

I adamantly disagree with 19:46. Don't ask a question if you're not going to listen to the answer. What if they actually did offer you suggestions on how to better raise your children....? Then you're I the position where you have to listen or look like a bigger bitch. And at the end of the day, you don't seem to really care about what they think, it's just that your feelings are hurt and that's why you're reacting.

So I suggest you run things through your DH, he backs you up, and you limit contact going forward until you feel it's a healthy stable environment for your kids and you.

[Anonymous]

For some reason this thread reminded me of the movie "Parental Guidance".

[Anonymous]

OP here. We ended the trip early and came home yesterday. DH and I have had several discussions over it. I do think he is on my side, but I am pretty adamant about ILs not bad mouthing me behind my back. One detail I forgot to add is that my ILs are divorced but are still rather close, speak on the phone regularly. My step MIL is very kind to me. One of my kids overheard my FIL speaking to my MIL on the phone re my lack of manners. I do think I am a very polite person, perfect no but polite yes. My step MIL and her daughter apparently came to my defense, with my SIL calling my FIL (her dad) a real jerk.

My grandmother had dementia, this doesn't seem to be the same here.

It shouldn't hurt my feelings but it does. I should rise above it but it's hard. I appreciate all the support and advice given. I always thought I had pretty nice inlaws,but it seems the secret has now been exposed that they don't like me. It is never my choice to visit them, but it don't say no because I want my kids to see their grandparents and my husband to see his family. It just really sucked being there, feeling like my every move was over analyzedand criticized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We ended the trip early and came home yesterday. DH and I have had several discussions over it. I do think he is on my side, but I am pretty adamant about ILs not bad mouthing me behind my back. One detail I forgot to add is that my ILs are divorced but are still rather close, speak on the phone regularly. My step MIL is very kind to me. One of my kids overheard my FIL speaking to my MIL on the phone re my lack of manners. I do think I am a very polite person, perfect no but polite yes. My step MIL and her daughter apparently came to my defense, with my SIL calling my FIL (her dad) a real jerk.

My grandmother had dementia, this doesn't seem to be the same here.

It shouldn't hurt my feelings but it does. I should rise above it but it's hard. I appreciate all the support and advice given. I always thought I had pretty nice inlaws,but it seems the secret has now been exposed that they don't like me. It is never my choice to visit them, but it don't say no because I want my kids to see their grandparents and my husband to see his family. It just really sucked being there, feeling like my every move was over analyzedand criticized.

Op, I have been in your shoes. I thought I had the best relationship with my inlaws only to realize that they only loved me so much because I was their " yes person". I tried my hardest to have them like me. Their opinions mattered so much to me. But once I stopped missing their behinds and having an opinion, I became a daughter in law. Before they said I was their daughter and even bought me gifts and cards addressed as such. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. Because I'm a people pleaser by nature. Our relationship has changed drastically and they are the ones feeling the loss. I employ you to place your efforts elsewhere because some people will only be happy if everything is done their way. Still be cordial to them and don't repay evil for evil...as tempting as it may be. (Don't speak badly in front of your kids about them)

[Anonymous]

18:47 here, typo "kiss their behinds"

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP who recommends that responsibility for maintaining family relations with your ILs now shift 100% to your husband.

If it were me, I think I might write them a letter. Keep it brief. Express how unfortunate it was that your children overheard complaints and criticism about their mother. Is probably say that until this trip you had always thought you had a fairly good in-law relationship and you're sorry that you've obviously misread the situation. Say your intention at this point--15 years later--is not to try and change their obvious poor opinion of you, but rather to respectfully ask that their negative discussions about you take place out of earshot of your children.