Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the love of god I don’t want anything. I tell my mother to spend her money, travel and enjoy her retirement.

This !!!!!!

[Anonymous]

You stated that the sibling that got more has been inseparable from your parents. I'm taking that to mean they were extremely close. That is why they got more. They were there to take care of your parents. You all sound greedy to me.

[Anonymous]

I would feel lucky to get any inheritance, even if it weren't even! DH and I will get nothing from our families, unlike most of our friends. We admit, we are somewhat envious, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

My grandfathers will said specifically, "To yada, yada, yada, I leave nothing. This is not because I love them less, but because they are more capable." He was correct. The three of us who were excluded make more money and live far more comfortable lives than the rest of the family who are homeschooled, fanatical Christian idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close member of my family that impacts me is facing a lower share of inheritance- out of 4 kids, one gets 40 the rest gets 15 or so. Granted, one part is well off but the others are positioned to be well off but are not. The explanation was that the one that will inherited more makes a lot less (true) - this sibling has been almost inseparable from the parent but has also dependent financially on the parent - that sibling is not so low since he married into money but then lost it all- also now dating someone for 10 years who is a millionare, So- not hurting. I perceive this as a slap in the face - not that we counted on this money in any way but giving the paper poor sibling a lot more basically cements how this IL felt about the family. I would be so hurt if my parents did this to me.

Several Possibilities

1) Sibling the that is getting more has done more to help the parent in their older years. From socializing more, to help making and getting to appointments, keeping parent on track with medication.........or whatever. Child has spent more time on parent than other siblings.

2) Parent feels guilty that she did not tach the independence to the "favored" child that her other children learned and wants to make up for that.

3) Parent feels that money is just money and the other three have plenty so why not give more to the one who has less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close member of my family that impacts me is facing a lower share of inheritance- out of 4 kids, one gets 40 the rest gets 15 or so. Granted, one part is well off but the others are positioned to be well off but are not. The explanation was that the one that will inherited more makes a lot less (true) - this sibling has been almost inseparable from the parent but has also dependent financially on the parent - that sibling is not so low since he married into money but then lost it all- also now dating someone for 10 years who is a millionare, So- not hurting. I perceive this as a slap in the face - not that we counted on this money in any way but giving the paper poor sibling a lot more basically cements how this IL felt about the family. I would be so hurt if my parents did this to me.

Several Possibilities

1) Sibling the that is getting more has done more to help the parent in their older years. From socializing more, to help making and getting to appointments, keeping parent on track with medication.........or whatever. Child has spent more time on parent than other siblings.

2) Parent feels guilty that she did not tach the independence to the "favored" child that her other children learned and wants to make up for that.

3) Parent feels that money is just money and the other three have plenty so why not give more to the one who has less.

One or more of these things is probably true.

OP, you need to MYOB. This isn't your family. It's your ILs. Stay the hell out of it and keep your mouth shut.

Let go of the resentment. You have plenty in your life. Count your blessings and let the estate issues go.

Nothing wrecks family relationships like fighting over money.

[Anonymous]

It's stunning to me that people feel entitled to other people's money. Greedy jerks.

[Anonymous]

It is unkind and unwise for a parent to show any kind of favoritism in a will.

It is a waste of time for a child to get upset about favoritism shown in a will.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's stunning to me that people feel entitled to other people's money. Greedy jerks.

There's something gross about sitting around worrying about an estate when the parent is still alive.

[Anonymous]

OP, let it go. It's done. Life's too short.

[Anonymous]

If a son/daughter lives near the elderly parents, visits more often, calls frequently, takes them out to appointments and dinner, etc. then that kid wins!!!!

Seriously though, it makes sense. Three of the kids are settled down and stable, while the fourth is single. Makes sense that the parents would worry about that kid more. Any mental health or addiction issues? Or maturity issues? It doesn't really matter. It is what it is. The three wealthy and stable siblings shouldn't be jealous. How much money do they really need? Their parents perceived this kid as being the weak link who needs more help. Period.

Honestly, equal parts only works when all siblings are roughly equal...which usually isn't the case.

I know a family where the mom has announced that she is giving her two kids an equal split (and to be clear: we aren't talking about tons of money here). Here's the thing: one girl married well and lives in a fancy place in the city, travels around the world for fun, and has never worried about money. The other is a social worker who has never traveled abroad and has to live frugally. Is mom being fair by splitting everything in half? Technically yes. But I don't think that approach makes sense...especially to the social worker.

Back to OP: your parents felt that your sibling needed a little extra help. It doesn't mean they love you less.

[Anonymous]

As someone who has watched feuds over inheritances from the sidelines (relatives but I wasn't close enough to expect to be remembered so had no personal expectations), I can say that once this starts publicly, EVERYONE looks bad, no matter what their position. Just leave it and keep everyone's dignity and relationships intact. Its only money, and you admit it is not a life-changing amount, so let it go.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like on sibling has been taking care of the parent more and has less money, so she's getting more.

Sounds ok to me.

Before my parents downsized, I took care of their house (lived there) and them. It was a lot of work. I think my siblings thought I was mooching off them but when my parents moved away, they realize how much care they need. They think my parents have deteriorated rapidly, whereas really I was taking care of them before.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound way too concerned about this. You sound petty. Inheritance is a gift-- it's never something to be counted upon. You take what you receive with a grateful heart that someone cared enough to leave you something.

A scenario similar to this happened to me. My grandparents left me 15% and left their other grandchild 85%. They loved us both very much, but I have a successful career and their other grandchild has been homeless and living on the edge for many years. I didn't think twice about their choice-- though I did worry, and still do, that my cousin will end up blowing the inheritance on drugs. It was their money to do with as they pleased, and they thought this was right.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is enough money to make a difference - like millions - it's just petty to split up a small amount unevenly. If a large amount, leave at least $1 million to each then put the rest in trust for the DCs who aren't as competent or successful.