Inheritance- not even- how would you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close member of my family that impacts me is facing a lower share of inheritance- out of 4 kids, one gets 40 the rest gets 15 or so. Granted, one part is well off but the others are positioned to be well off but are not. The explanation was that the one that will inherited more makes a lot less (true) - this sibling has been almost inseparable from the parent but has also dependent financially on the parent - that sibling is not so low since he married into money but then lost it all- also now dating someone for 10 years who is a millionare, So- not hurting. I perceive this as a slap in the face - not that we counted on this money in any way but giving the paper poor sibling a lot more basically cements how this IL felt about the family. I would be so hurt if my parents did this to me.

What does this even mean?

I think it means that one of the kids has been at home taking care of the mother, and now the other siblings are surprised that she's leaving her the family home.

No- it means that one kid has been living close by for years and all kids and mother are extremely close- the distribution is the surprise- it is what it is- can't change that- but I personally would be hurt of it wasn't even (or a better rationale than two kids are set for life $, but one isn't on paper (though goes on private planes type of trips often with millionaire boyfriend).

[Anonymous]

Muslima wrote:I would be hurt about losing the family member, not the lost inheritance

Muslima, you are everywhere!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close member of my family that impacts me is facing a lower share of inheritance- out of 4 kids, one gets 40 the rest gets 15 or so. Granted, one part is well off but the others are positioned to be well off but are not. The explanation was that the one that will inherited more makes a lot less (true) - this sibling has been almost inseparable from the parent but has also dependent financially on the parent - that sibling is not so low since he married into money but then lost it all- also now dating someone for 10 years who is a millionare, So- not hurting. I perceive this as a slap in the face - not that we counted on this money in any way but giving the paper poor sibling a lot more basically cements how this IL felt about the family. I would be so hurt if my parents did this to me.

What does this even mean?

I think it means that one of the kids has been at home taking care of the mother, and now the other siblings are surprised that she's leaving her the family home.

No- it means that one kid has been living close by for years and all kids and mother are extremely close- the distribution is the surprise- it is what it is- can't change that- but I personally would be hurt of it wasn't even (or a better rationale than two kids are set for life $, but one isn't on paper (though goes on private planes type of trips often with millionaire boyfriend).

If that kid has been the mother's companion/helper all these years, the other three siblings should thank her for doing what they were unable to do.

[Anonymous]

I think the OP is referring to her spouse.

Of course I'd feel hurt if one sib received more but at the same time, I'd recognize that my parents are fully entitled to leave money anyway they want, including 0 percent to me or any of my sibs. I actually fully expect my parents to leave the largest percentage to my youngest brother, then the older one, and then less to me and my sister - reflecting which sibs were the most favored in real life. I'm actually a single parent with the lowest annual family income but I don't think that will be relevant to my parents nor do I expect that our financial situations would be relevant. They could leave all money to charity if they wanted.

I'd guess, OP, that no one is really surprised by your IL's will - you mention the sib receiving 40 was closest to the parent so no surprise is it? Focusing on the money seems petty - ie that sib dating a millionaire so why receive more $. It would be worse if it one person was given a much lower percentage than the other 3.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you work or are you supported by your spouse?

[Anonymous]

When my great aunt died, she left the bulk of her estate to my aunt, and small bequests to my dad and his other siblings. One of my uncles flipped out about it, got into a huge fugyt with my aunt, and stopped speaking to her. She died unexpectedly a few years later (only in her 40s) and he was consumed with guilt that she died before they ever repaired their relationship.

My great aunt didn't have kids, and my aunt moved her family into her house to care for her for the last 10 years or so of her life. So everyone else in the family saw the inheritance as perfectly logical and no one felt left out except my uncle. In the long run, being petty over the money cost him his sister, and strained his relationships with his other siblings as well. No amount of money is worth that.

Stop focusing on who got what, and worry about how best to invest what came to your family. As you said, it can't be changed now. Hurt feelings and arguing over fairness get you nowhere. Life is to short to worry about this crap.

[Anonymous]

I would understand if my sibling received more. I am better off than he is. However, I hope my mother ends up splitting things equally.

[Anonymous]

For the love of god I don’t want anything. I tell my mother to spend her money, travel and enjoy her retirement.

[Anonymous]

Enabling from the grave. You can't direct another's money.

[Anonymous]

Fair doesn't always mean equal.

[Anonymous]

Good rule of thumb, don't count on an inheritance. Just don't. Don't spend time thinking about it, don't count on it. And if you receive one, just appreciate it and don't compare. Worry about what's fair and equitable and you'll make yourself miserable. Which, from your post, seems to be what you are feeling now, op.

[Anonymous]

This isn't about not counting on inheritance. It's about someone's will. These are siblings, OP? Not cool. The standard is equal distribution unless there's unanimity for another arrangement, say one gazillionaire in the mix who freeingly gives up his/hers. Anyway, money messes with people's heads. It can be bottomless. Come to terms with it, let it go.

[Anonymous]

NP here, don't get the scenario, so I can't tell if "your friend" should be hurt. OP, please clarify if you want support - are you talking about yourself/spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close member of my family that impacts me is facing a lower share of inheritance- out of 4 kids, one gets 40 the rest gets 15 or so. Granted, one part is well off but the others are positioned to be well off but are not. The explanation was that the one that will inherited more makes a lot less (true) - this sibling has been almost inseparable from the parent but has also dependent financially on the parent - that sibling is not so low since he married into money but then lost it all- also now dating someone for 10 years who is a millionare, So- not hurting. I perceive this as a slap in the face - not that we counted on this money in any way but giving the paper poor sibling a lot more basically cements how this IL felt about the family. I would be so hurt if my parents did this to me.

What does this even mean?

I think it means that one of the kids has been at home taking care of the mother, and now the other siblings are surprised that she's leaving her the family home.

No- it means that one kid has been living close by for years and all kids and mother are extremely close- the distribution is the surprise- it is what it is- can't change that- but I personally would be hurt of it wasn't even (or a better rationale than two kids are set for life $, but one isn't on paper (though goes on private planes type of trips often with millionaire boyfriend).

Whaaaaaat. OP, her boyfriend's money is not her money. The other siblings are well off and this one is not. The fact that she married into money and then "lost it all" by divorcing speaks volumes about your values. Do you think she should have stayed in the marriage for money? Do you think the fact that she's dating someone rich now means she needs no money of her own?

I'm Team Mom here. I'm glad she left her money where it was needed most.

[Anonymous]

Grow up. Seriously GROW UP! All it may mean is that parents MAY be enabling dysfunction, but that is not about lack of love on their part, just lack if perspective and self control.