Going Out With Beautiful Friend

[Anonymous]

I had two drop dead beautiful friends growing up. I wanted to be beautiful like them in the worst way. Sometimes they loved the attention like when we were at the beach and had guys running over to them they loved it, but we also had some very, very scary situations of creepy older guys stalking them and not taking no for an answer. One of them once had to get loud and firm and say, "you need to leave now you are making me uncomfortable." at which he replied, "bitch"

I kind of worry about my daughter having to deal with this if she turns out to be overly attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was me in my youth - at bars, clubs, parties, just walking down the street would illicit wolf whistling or men stopping me on the streets or pulling their cars over to ralk to me. (I grew up in the UK so people aere much more forward). I had declarations of love even from my long-term boyfriend's friends and when I was at university a guy I was friendly with actually dropped out of college because he thought he was so in love with me that he could not face seeing me every day if he couldn't have me. He was crying like a baby - I was stunned and just stared at him. Never saw him again after that.
I found it all quite stressful. I once had two guys tugging me in opposite directions (they were drunk). I was never rude and I agree that that makes guys think you are up for it. I've also been approached by women a few times.

Even here in the US men still look and pull over and comment (and I am left confused - I am 49!!!) but it's usually european men.

Get over yourself, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for her. I am pretty but not as pretty as your friend sounds like and I get grosses out when men obviously check me out. Especially if I'm with my kids. It just pisses me off, like I'm not here so you can leer. It must be horrible to deal with that x 10 everywhere she goes.

Humble brag!

It wasn't really. Nowhere near the European. Most women are pretty so I don't find it odd to say I am. It's a rare woman who a truly irreparably ugly. You're probably somewhat pretty too even if you are a prickly bitch. I was just empathizing that if I, an averagely pretty woman, get tired of attention while out, I can't imagine what a truly beautiful woman deals with.

I only know that I am not a low class, ill bred person like you, who calls another poster a "prickly bitch". This particular information I have gleaned from your post. As far as knowing how pretty you are physically, I do not trust your post, because you do not sound like a nice person - and so in all probability you are lying.

Lol!! I know you, you're the one who acts like a hateful bitch but holds herself to a higher standard because you don't actually USE the word bitch. Take it back, you're a bitter ugly person. You were totally always the fat friend.

[Anonymous]

I've had this exact same situation, OP. Went out for the first time with a beautiful friend and it was phenomenal the way men fell all over her. I had never seen anything like it and was amazed. They really acted like idiots, and I think it's probably given her a low opinion of men having watched them act that way her whole life. It looked like constant random stalking.

The funny thing is she isn't even interested in men. I think she just sees her looks as a tool to use when needed, and maybe annoying at other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had this exact same situation, OP. Went out for the first time with a beautiful friend and it was phenomenal the way men fell all over her. I had never seen anything like it and was amazed. They really acted like idiots, and I think it's probably given her a low opinion of men having watched them act that way her whole life. It looked like constant random stalking.

The funny thing is she isn't even interested in men. I think she just sees her looks as a tool to use when needed, and maybe annoying at other times.

This is why as a guy I never hit on women at bars. I go out with a couple of colleagues to have a drink and socialize. If a woman is nearby and we start having a conversation, great, If it is apparent there is a desire for us to talk an additional time, fine. But I never want to come off as some needy tool like most of these men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had this exact same situation, OP. Went out for the first time with a beautiful friend and it was phenomenal the way men fell all over her. I had never seen anything like it and was amazed. They really acted like idiots, and I think it's probably given her a low opinion of men having watched them act that way her whole life. It looked like constant random stalking.

The funny thing is she isn't even interested in men. I think she just sees her looks as a tool to use when needed, and maybe annoying at other times.

This is why as a guy I never hit on women at bars. I go out with a couple of colleagues to have a drink and socialize. If a woman is nearby and we start having a conversation, great, If it is apparent there is a desire for us to talk an additional time, fine. But I never want to come off as some needy tool like most of these men.

+1 !!!

GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had this exact same situation, OP. Went out for the first time with a beautiful friend and it was phenomenal the way men fell all over her. I had never seen anything like it and was amazed. They really acted like idiots, and I think it's probably given her a low opinion of men having watched them act that way her whole life. It looked like constant random stalking.

The funny thing is she isn't even interested in men. I think she just sees her looks as a tool to use when needed, and maybe annoying at other times.

This is why as a guy I never hit on women at bars. I go out with a couple of colleagues to have a drink and socialize. If a woman is nearby and we start having a conversation, great, If it is apparent there is a desire for us to talk an additional time, fine. But I never want to come off as some needy tool like most of these men.

+1 !!!

GL

And, of course, you never get to talk to the really hot women because their shields are up and they aren't available for a casual conversation because of the more aggressive men pestering them.

[Anonymous]

"I only know that I am not a low class, ill bred person like you, who calls another poster a "prickly bitch". This particular information I have gleaned from your post. As far as knowing how pretty you are physically, I do not trust your post, because you do not sound like a nice person - and so in all probability you are lying."

Haha! I agree with 16:15's reply to you! Honestly! Did you have to restrain yourself from using the phrase "prattling on?" You were downright nasty to the PP you responded to and deserved what you got from 16:15.

Although I have criticized the overuse of THIS particular phrase here I am going for it, YOU sound unhinged!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had this exact same situation, OP. Went out for the first time with a beautiful friend and it was phenomenal the way men fell all over her. I had never seen anything like it and was amazed. They really acted like idiots, and I think it's probably given her a low opinion of men having watched them act that way her whole life. It looked like constant random stalking.

The funny thing is she isn't even interested in men. I think she just sees her looks as a tool to use when needed, and maybe annoying at other times.

This is why as a guy I never hit on women at bars. I go out with a couple of colleagues to have a drink and socialize. If a woman is nearby and we start having a conversation, great, If it is apparent there is a desire for us to talk an additional time, fine. But I never want to come off as some needy tool like most of these men.

+1 !!!

GL

And, of course, you never get to talk to the really hot women because their shields are up and they aren't available for a casual conversation because of the more aggressive men pestering them.

Not necessarily. Maybe they see me as a confident guy who doesn't have to resort to acting like a puppy dog. And is the only way I have to meet very attractive women is at a bar, then I have other problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I only know that I am not a low class, ill bred person like you, who calls another poster a "prickly bitch". This particular information I have gleaned from your post. As far as knowing how pretty you are physically, I do not trust your post, because you do not sound like a nice person - and so in all probability you are lying."

Haha! I agree with 16:15's reply to you! Honestly! Did you have to restrain yourself from using the phrase "prattling on?" You were downright nasty to the PP you responded to and deserved what you got from 16:15.

Although I have criticized the overuse of THIS particular phrase here I am going for it, YOU sound unhinged!

Agree. That pp just came out of no where insulting the other poster who was just relaying her experience.

[Anonymous]

NP... Hi OP, I'm going to come at your situation from my experience on 3 different fronts. And let me say up front, mostly I'm thinking about the fact that you're single and your beautiful friend is in a LTR. I totally understand and can relate to the aspect of your experience with her that was interesting from a sociological kind of perspective, but at the end of the day it's the "always Skipper" feeling and being single I was struck by. If neither of those are why you wrote this, than ignore my post...

Angle 1: The Uber Hot friends: I guess I've had 4 of these in my life (I'm almost 50 now), and all of them had a long hard journey to getting to be as well-balanced as your friend sounds. I know exactly what it's like to go out with them and feel invisible or feel like the handy step stool for the guys trying to climb over the other guys trying to get to the hot friend. What I can say is this: if you enjoy your time out with your friend, and you don't feel like total crap every single time you get home after being with her, cool, you should keep going out with her. But if it really messes with your self-esteem on a regular basis, while single it's probably not the best use of time. Maybe do the other stuff you used to do together or go out when her BF is with her? It can be too unsettling to deal with that insane "shark feeding frenzy" energy when you are looking for a BF yourself.

Angle 2: The Uber Hot Uber In-Demand Men: So without going way off on a tangent, my old job for years used to bring me in contact with a lot of very famous people in the entertainment industry (mostly actors but musicians too). I have never ever been drop dead gorgeous myself. I clean up well, but I mostly look kinda "cute" but not in any "I get hit on all the time" way at all. But I've been very lucky, have had some interesting experiences and have good stories, met very interesting people, and more than anything at a young age met an amazing guy who was probably my first major major love and he was all about intelligence and world-view when choosing women above all else. He liked cute girls as well, but he dated many girls who made his friends scratch their heads because he always had gorgeous ridiculously attractive girls climbing all over him and he usually just wasn't interested. This served me well in the entertainment world, because I learned very early on that at the end of hte day, these Uber Hot people were human and just wanted good conversation and while the worship was great (and some of them absolutely fed off of it, but I usually didn't date or become friends with them because they usually had off the chart egos), most of them really liked just being with nice smart confident-but-not-cocky people. So basically this is what I learned: in a room full of attractive women vying for attention of a certain hot/famous/hot and famous guy, it was the woman who was NOT vying (but also not faking not vying, i.e. she couldn't be secretly just waiting to pounce) for attention and also the woman who could say something real/interesting/un-adoring that they noticed the most. Again and again. Sure, when just looking for sex, they might pounce on the hottest woman (in their eyes) there... but for dating and friendship and often working, it was much more important that she be, as the French say: "Comfortable in her own skin".

Angle 3: As I said, I'm not super hot or even hot, at all. But over the years I've noticed so often that, even after trying for weeks to spice up my look, look much more attractive, etc, I might occaisionally get more attention or meet more guys, but it was ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the days that for some reason having nothing to do with romance or my appearance I woke up in a great mood - something great happened at work, close friends were visiting, I'd gotten a full night of sleep - whatever - and I'd go outside in sweats or some ancient sundress and just be humming along and enjoying my journey to wherever I was going - THOSE WERE THE DAYS I felt like a model or one of my Uber Hot Friends! I would get so.much.attention from these really good looking guys! I could never bottle that or figure out how to "invoke it" when I really wanted to look good, I just had to be in the right frame of mind. But what I did figure out is that when I was single and trying to meet new guys, I was always most successful when I focused on other aspects of my life and making myself happy than if I focused on my appearance or "how I presented" when I was out. My now DH is 12 yrs younger than me and when I first met him (through online dating), to hear him tell it it was like "the Spanish Inquisition", in that I was thoroughly uninterested in the fact that he was hot (ok, not thoroughly uninterested! But it wasn't the most important thing by a long shot), I cared a lot more about the non-physical and I asked a LOT of questions. We had a great talk and years and kids later, even though we've been through many very tough times, I feel so lucky to have found him. But he later went on to tell me that I was one of the few women who didn't chase him, "you just...liked me. A lot. But seemed fine with whatever happened." I was determined to feel good about me and my life regardless of what happened with any particular guy I met. That attitude served me REALLY REALLY well.

Which loops me back to where I started... if you can stay focused on you and your life and being the happiest, most self-sufficient and content (or wildly excited about yourself works too ) person, then yes, keep going out with your hot friend to wherever you want to go. But if it crushes your spirit or freaks you out, no, you should only hang out at each other's house or in basements with no other people.

Good luck OP, with whatever you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

And yes, I was joking about hanging out in deserted basements.

[Anonymous]

At least you aren't related to her. It's tough when it's your sister or cousin. Then again because of that I know it's not all as fun as it might seem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP... Hi OP, I'm going to come at your situation from my experience on 3 different fronts. And let me say up front, mostly I'm thinking about the fact that you're single and your beautiful friend is in a LTR. I totally understand and can relate to the aspect of your experience with her that was interesting from a sociological kind of perspective, but at the end of the day it's the "always Skipper" feeling and being single I was struck by. If neither of those are why you wrote this, than ignore my post...

Angle 1: The Uber Hot friends: I guess I've had 4 of these in my life (I'm almost 50 now), and all of them had a long hard journey to getting to be as well-balanced as your friend sounds. I know exactly what it's like to go out with them and feel invisible or feel like the handy step stool for the guys trying to climb over the other guys trying to get to the hot friend. What I can say is this: if you enjoy your time out with your friend, and you don't feel like total crap every single time you get home after being with her, cool, you should keep going out with her. But if it really messes with your self-esteem on a regular basis, while single it's probably not the best use of time. Maybe do the other stuff you used to do together or go out when her BF is with her? It can be too unsettling to deal with that insane "shark feeding frenzy" energy when you are looking for a BF yourself.

Angle 2: The Uber Hot Uber In-Demand Men: So without going way off on a tangent, my old job for years used to bring me in contact with a lot of very famous people in the entertainment industry (mostly actors but musicians too). I have never ever been drop dead gorgeous myself. I clean up well, but I mostly look kinda "cute" but not in any "I get hit on all the time" way at all. But I've been very lucky, have had some interesting experiences and have good stories, met very interesting people, and more than anything at a young age met an amazing guy who was probably my first major major love and he was all about intelligence and world-view when choosing women above all else. He liked cute girls as well, but he dated many girls who made his friends scratch their heads because he always had gorgeous ridiculously attractive girls climbing all over him and he usually just wasn't interested. This served me well in the entertainment world, because I learned very early on that at the end of hte day, these Uber Hot people were human and just wanted good conversation and while the worship was great (and some of them absolutely fed off of it, but I usually didn't date or become friends with them because they usually had off the chart egos), most of them really liked just being with nice smart confident-but-not-cocky people. So basically this is what I learned: in a room full of attractive women vying for attention of a certain hot/famous/hot and famous guy, it was the woman who was NOT vying (but also not faking not vying, i.e. she couldn't be secretly just waiting to pounce) for attention and also the woman who could say something real/interesting/un-adoring that they noticed the most. Again and again. Sure, when just looking for sex, they might pounce on the hottest woman (in their eyes) there... but for dating and friendship and often working, it was much more important that she be, as the French say: "Comfortable in her own skin".

Angle 3: As I said, I'm not super hot or even hot, at all. But over the years I've noticed so often that, even after trying for weeks to spice up my look, look much more attractive, etc, I might occaisionally get more attention or meet more guys, but it was ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the days that for some reason having nothing to do with romance or my appearance I woke up in a great mood - something great happened at work, close friends were visiting, I'd gotten a full night of sleep - whatever - and I'd go outside in sweats or some ancient sundress and just be humming along and enjoying my journey to wherever I was going - THOSE WERE THE DAYS I felt like a model or one of my Uber Hot Friends! I would get so.much.attention from these really good looking guys! I could never bottle that or figure out how to "invoke it" when I really wanted to look good, I just had to be in the right frame of mind. But what I did figure out is that when I was single and trying to meet new guys, I was always most successful when I focused on other aspects of my life and making myself happy than if I focused on my appearance or "how I presented" when I was out. My now DH is 12 yrs younger than me and when I first met him (through online dating), to hear him tell it it was like "the Spanish Inquisition", in that I was thoroughly uninterested in the fact that he was hot (ok, not thoroughly uninterested! But it wasn't the most important thing by a long shot), I cared a lot more about the non-physical and I asked a LOT of questions. We had a great talk and years and kids later, even though we've been through many very tough times, I feel so lucky to have found him. But he later went on to tell me that I was one of the few women who didn't chase him, "you just...liked me. A lot. But seemed fine with whatever happened." I was determined to feel good about me and my life regardless of what happened with any particular guy I met. That attitude served me REALLY REALLY well.

Which loops me back to where I started... if you can stay focused on you and your life and being the happiest, most self-sufficient and content (or wildly excited about yourself works too ) person, then yes, keep going out with your hot friend to wherever you want to go. But if it crushes your spirit or freaks you out, no, you should only hang out at each other's house or in basements with no other people.

Good luck OP, with whatever you are looking for.

+1 all good advice

[Anonymous]

I had 2 very good looking girlfriends in college. I'm ok looking but not as good looking. When the 3 of us would go out together, we got a lot of attention. I never had a shortage of dates. A group of guys would talk to us and not everyone can gain the attention of the hot girl. There are also many guys in the same group. The hot girl may not be everyone's type.

My best friend is attractive but nowhere near how hot your friend sounds. She had an ugly friend in college. The ugly friend had a lot of resentment towards my friend because my friend always had a boyfriend and guys interested in her. Everyone also liked the ugly friend as a friend.

If you are decent looking and have a great personality, someone will appreciate you.