Honest answers: How often do you really fight?

[Anonymous]

Never as long as an hour. Twenty minute flare ups, maybe 1-2x a year. My husband actually refuses to fight which is so frustrating because I feel like he would rather let stuff compound and go unresolved rather than just duke it out for 10-15 minutes and have it be over.

We are in our first year as the parent of two kids though and I will say the little snips and snipes are much more frequent because of that. Before the baby was born, our marriage was harmonious- smooth sailing, rarely disagreed about anything. Then of course the 2nd one came along and with it all the sleepless nights, frustration when it's been a long day and then he calls to say he will be late getting home and I just need a BREAK, etc. etc. I had forgotten just how tense that first year can be. Very ready to be through it and move back into the groove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Folks never fight or have passionate disagreements where emotions run deep? I suspect there are a lot of repressed DHs here...

Why the gender specificity? If there's repression, couldn't it just as easily be on the part of a DW as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Folks never fight or have passionate disagreements where emotions run deep? I suspect there are a lot of repressed DHs here...

Typical response from someone who is either an unreasonable person, is an a relationship with an unreasonable person, or both.

Reasonable people know how to talk about things in a constructive manner, which does not mean it is without emotion. They also know how to compromise.

[Anonymous]

All these nevers have me thinking I should break up with my boyfriend.....

[Anonymous]

Well our fights have some of those components, but not all. We never yell at each other, although I do tend to raise my voice when upset. We don't say hurtful things either, although again, that doesn't mean that feelings aren't hurt.

I would say a couple of times a year? Always about similar stuff. The rest is small tiffs or arguments that go nowhere for a while.

We have had instances, years ago, where we would be up all night talking/arguing/trying to resolve something. But those are luxuries we can't afford anymore with two kids and never enough sleep The last one was 2 years ago, shortly after our second child was born. We were pretty close to calling it quits then, but came to our senses.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the nevers. Question for those who fight - is the make up sex hot? I've read about it, but never had it.

Sometimes I wonder if the lack of conflict in my marriage is part of why the sex is generally pleasant but not very intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once every 6 months. The fights don't change. They just compound.

+1. It's frustrating because I put a lot of effort in to come up with new ways of trying to make things better but it's every 6 months, and basically the same shit over and over. I've stopped trying now and just deal with the every 6 months fights.

[Anonymous]

Never the way you described. Have a raised-voice, don't-speak-for-a-few-hours argument a few times a year, maybe.

[Anonymous]

Never. We argue but we never yell. If voices even start to raise it is time to take a walk and cool off. We respect and love each other and that comes into play in how we speak to each other.

Don't speak to each other for a couple hours happens a few times a year. Usually it is me that won't speak and it only lasts until I stop being ridiculous and apologize.

Occasionally I say something a little too sarcastically and DH will just leave the room, telling me that was unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

We've been married 5 years, have been together 9 years, and I think we've had 2 fights: both while I was pregnant and emotional and he was stressed. We have disagreements, but they never turn into anything substantial, and they are usually quashed pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the nevers. Question for those who fight - is the make up sex hot? I've read about it, but never had it.

Sometimes I wonder if the lack of conflict in my marriage is part of why the sex is generally pleasant but not very intense.

I can't do make up sex - as in, make up through sex. If I'm mad, I'm mad and that's not a turn on. Once we are thoroughly made up through conversation, then I can have sex, but it's not really make up sex at that point I guess. Not particularly hotter than usual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the nevers. Question for those who fight - is the make up sex hot? I've read about it, but never had it.

Sometimes I wonder if the lack of conflict in my marriage is part of why the sex is generally pleasant but not very intense.

Make up sex can be the best

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Folks never fight or have passionate disagreements where emotions run deep? I suspect there are a lot of repressed DHs here...

Typical response from someone who is either an unreasonable person, is an a relationship with an unreasonable person, or both.

Reasonable people know how to talk about things in a constructive manner, which does not mean it is without emotion. They also know how to compromise.

My point is if no one is fighting, why so much cheating and divorce? As for why DH, stats show most DCUM DW so hence the other side of these post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. Not once.

Not that we haven't had tense discussions and some angry words but never anything like what you describe. Never raised voices. Never any arguments as long as an hour.

We both have mild personalities.

What s/he said, albeit with occasional raised voices for a minute or two.

[Anonymous]

Twice in 6 years.