Would like supportive comments about stopping at two children

[Anonymous]

I think there have been a lot of really good posts. I have 3, but accidentally (the last 2 were surprise twins). I love all 3 of them, but 3 can be logistically difficult. I'm sure you've already thought about the car, house/bedroom, private school/college/weekend activities issues. In addition, more "personal" things can be hard - like cuddling/reading time. With 2, you can have one on each knee or one of each side. With 3, it is harder to fit everyone in comfortably and someone ends up feeling left out. With 2, you really have a better chance of providing personalized attention. With the 3 I feel like I feel like none of them are getting the attention they should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've got two and I love it. We're able to focus on both kids and it's a really nice balance for us and also the kids, who are best friends right now and play together all the time... a third might change that dynamic. I love that between 7-8pm the kids are asleep and I have time for myself and DH. My body is my own again, FINALLY. When I walk through the feeding section at Buy Buy Baby and see all the breast pumps, etc it still gives me a shiver because it was rough with both kids in the early months. I'm also a worry-wart and having another child to worry about at all hours for the rest of my life just might do me in! And yes, the tempting fate thingreally resonates for me. AND I can keep my station wagon, yay!

You sound just like me! We have two and it was rough when my 2nd was a baby and my 1st was 19 months old... Now that they are 2 and newly 4, things are so much better! Oh, and no minivan for me, either!!

[Anonymous]

We have two. They are 2.5 and 4.5. We always wanted three, but now I am having a hard time justifying it. I'm so scared that it will break us-- emotionally, financially, and break up the kids' developing friendship with each other. I haven't convinced my husband that we are done and he hasn't convinced me either. I think we are actually at the same place (DH and I)- we both love the idea but are scared of the reality. We wish that we could handle more but know that realistically we can't.

[Anonymous]

A dear friend and her husband thought they were done at 2, but had lingering yearnings for a 3rd, and went for it. It has complicated their lives in so many ways - #3 is a major handful in a way the first 2 were not, in part (my friend thinks) because she hasn't had the time or attention to give to #3 that she was able to give to #1 and #2. The older two are close and now play together nicely, while the younger one is usually trying to tag along and feeling left out. So while I know they dearly love #3 and don't regret it, it has made their life much much harder. As for me, I initially thought I wanted 3, DH was adament about stopping at 2. I'm now 39 with #2 on the way. Although I still wonder how I will feel when #2 is leaving the baby stage, seeing my friend's experience has really helped "cure" me of my desire for 3.

[Anonymous]

I was like you and wanted #3 despite all practical considerations until I realized that #3 would grow up just as quickly and just as surely as #1 and #2 did. At some point we just have to let go of our babies, whether it is #1 or #18 (hello Duggars).

It is sad, I know, but so it goes.

[Anonymous]

I, too, am having a hard time accepting that most likely our family will be complete with our two girls. But like everyone has said - the finances, the details, etc - are looking like it will be impossible. I'm having a terrible time putting away my little ones newborn clothes and am worried about my emotional state in a few months when she turns one. I am excited to watch her grow and develop into her own person, but it is the most bittersweet experience I have ever endured. Unlike most of my friends, I really cherished their infancy (even with some PPD with #2) and I already miss that little tiny baby phase. I'm trying to give in to my emotions and give into the full human experience - even the bittersweet times.
To the logisitcs... My marriage is already tough enough- I know that three would only make it harder.
I'm glad to read about others experiences with this and to know that I'm not alone. I'm actually in tears reading these posts, but it's good to know that it's all part of being a woman, a mom, and human.
Good luck to OP and the rest of you. And like so many of you said, we can be very thankful for our beautiful families (and smaller cars!).

[Anonymous]

This is so, so interesting. Thanks to everyone -- grandma of a toddler included! -- for the heartfelt posts.

Sometimes I wonder: Am I really mourning the fact that I am getting older, that if my childbearing days are over, I must be... no other word for it... OLD? In other words, is it really all about me, and not even about a desire for a 3rd baby?

[Anonymous]

Oh jeez. Why do you need to get support for stopping at 2. It's nobody's business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so, so interesting. Thanks to everyone -- grandma of a toddler included! -- for the heartfelt posts.

Sometimes I wonder: Am I really mourning the fact that I am getting older, that if my childbearing days are over, I must be... no other word for it... OLD? In other words, is it really all about me, and not even about a desire for a 3rd baby?

I have the same thoughts. And I love babies. But, as someone pointed out, they do grow up and grow up quickly.