Overly worrisome parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have no problem leaving a 15 yo and a 12 yo at the hotel or letting them roam Disney together if they are responsible kids. They''re old enough. I also don't have a problem with you wanting to spend some father/daughter time together. What makes me uncomfortable, though, is how you detailed your DS's challenges with ADHD. For me, this changed the discussion from one of having a special time with your daughters to one of excluding him. I could understand leaving him at home because he's too young to be left alone as your DDs can be but when you bring up the ADHD issues, it's like you're leaving him home because you want a break from him. (FWIW, two of my three kids have SNs and have some experience with wanting a break from the challenge).

If you do take your DDs, I hope you can plan something for your DS where he gets quality alone time with you. Depending on how 'frail' your mother is, I wouldn't have a problem leaving him with her. Even 7 yo ADHD kids aren't as difficult to take care of as younger kids. There's a much greater level of independence - at least there is if you foster it which your DW doesn't seem to be keen on.

This. Couldn't have said it better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have no problem leaving a 15 yo and a 12 yo at the hotel or letting them roam Disney together if they are responsible kids. They''re old enough. I also don't have a problem with you wanting to spend some father/daughter time together. What makes me uncomfortable, though, is how you detailed your DS's challenges with ADHD. For me, this changed the discussion from one of having a special time with your daughters to one of excluding him. I could understand leaving him at home because he's too young to be left alone as your DDs can be but when you bring up the ADHD issues, it's like you're leaving him home because you want a break from him. (FWIW, two of my three kids have SNs and have some experience with wanting a break from the challenge).

If you do take your DDs, I hope you can plan something for your DS where he gets quality alone time with you. Depending on how 'frail' your mother is, I wouldn't have a problem leaving him with her. Even 7 yo ADHD kids aren't as difficult to take care of as younger kids. There's a much greater level of independence - at least there is if you foster it which your DW doesn't seem to be keen on.

As the mom of a child with ADHD that has at times been difficult to control, I can understand how that child's presence affects the time you spend with your children. It is hard, if not impossible, to make time with your kids special for the non-SN kids because the focus is always on the needs of your SN child. Your activities are dictated by what your SN child can handle. The time you spend doing things is dictated by your SN child. Whether you can finish the activities you start is dictated by the needs of your SN child. To have time that revolves around your other kids, you may not have an option other than "exclude" your SN child. I think this is perfectly acceptable and I also think it's particularly wonderful that this father recognizes that he needs time alone with his older girls in order to make their time together about them. I hope he takes this opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my mom and dad and two sisters went on vacation without me -- the whole family but me -- I'd be spending a LOT of time the therapist's office when older. That's a slight a kid will never forget.

My parents routinely left me with my grandparents and went on vacation without me. I barely give it a thought - it was a vacation for me too, with people I LOVED, who spoiled me in all sorts of ways my parents wouldn't. I loved going with them. I HAVE gone to a therapist twice as an adult, and neither time was this fact anywhere on the list of things I needed to discuss. They're not putting the kid in foster respite care here - he'd be with loving family members. It's good for everybody to get a break sometimes. What OP is saying is that he can count on his two oldest to entertain themselves safely during the day and behave appropriately, but his son is a wild card between his age and diagnosis. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my mom and dad and two sisters went on vacation without me -- the whole family but me -- I'd be spending a LOT of time the therapist's office when older. That's a slight a kid will never forget.

My parents routinely left me with my grandparents and went on vacation without me. I barely give it a thought - it was a vacation for me too, with people I LOVED, who spoiled me in all sorts of ways my parents wouldn't. I loved going with them. I HAVE gone to a therapist twice as an adult, and neither time was this fact anywhere on the list of things I needed to discuss. They're not putting the kid in foster respite care here - he'd be with loving family members. It's good for everybody to get a break sometimes. What OP is saying is that he can count on his two oldest to entertain themselves safely during the day and behave appropriately, but his son is a wild card between his age and diagnosis. That's all.

Adult vacations without kids is entirely different. Did they take your siblings, too? To a kid location?

[Anonymous]

As the mom of a child with ADHD that has at times been difficult to control, I can understand how that child's presence affects the time you spend with your children. It is hard, if not impossible, to make time with your kids special for the non-SN kids because the focus is always on the needs of your SN child. Your activities are dictated by what your SN child can handle. The time you spend doing things is dictated by your SN child. Whether you can finish the activities you start is dictated by the needs of your SN child. To have time that revolves around your other kids, you may not have an option other than "exclude" your SN child. I think this is perfectly acceptable and I also think it's particularly wonderful that this father recognizes that he needs time alone with his older girls in order to make their time together about them. I hope he takes this opportunity.

Exactly. I'm the PP with the 12 and 7 year old (with ADHD). The 7 year old's needs have driven our family outings and vacations for YEARS. The 12 year old gets so angry and frustrated at not being able to do things because the 7 year old is either simply too young or too hyper. I can't imagine how much worse it is for a 15 year old! It's much better now that the 7 year old is on medication, but we still have to plan around her abilities and needs. I have found that it is actually better for developing sibling affection between them if they spend time apart instead of being together relentlessly. And getting time with each parent alone is a must.

If the conferences/seminars are anything like the ones I have been to, there are at least 2 breaks and a lunch where the OP could check in if he feels the need. The Swan hotel has a huge pool complex on property. The Swan is considered part of the "Epcot Resort Area" and it is a 5-10 minute walk to the Epcot entrance and a 15 minute walk to the Hollywood Studios entrance. Or there is a Disney resort boat transportation to either park. There's also a huge Disney mini golf complex in walking distance. They could take Disney bus transportation to the other 2 Disney parks if they wanted. Honestly, it's kind of perfect for letting kids explore their independence because they don't have to rely on cars and the bus system is well marked and easy to use. If you get the new "Magic Bands", that has their tickets and they can use it to buy food in the parks. It's very convenient.

[Anonymous]

Hire a sitter to help out with Grandma and son for a few hours each day. Someone who will take your son to the park or otherwise get him out of the house so that granny can rest. A six year old and a grandma in poor health could be tough for four days. Take your wife with you. Girls shouldn't be alone for that long in a hotel each day. There's nothing for them to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my mom and dad and two sisters went on vacation without me -- the whole family but me -- I'd be spending a LOT of time the therapist's office when older. That's a slight a kid will never forget.

My parents routinely left me with my grandparents and went on vacation without me. I barely give it a thought - it was a vacation for me too, with people I LOVED, who spoiled me in all sorts of ways my parents wouldn't. I loved going with them. I HAVE gone to a therapist twice as an adult, and neither time was this fact anywhere on the list of things I needed to discuss. They're not putting the kid in foster respite care here - he'd be with loving family members. It's good for everybody to get a break sometimes. What OP is saying is that he can count on his two oldest to entertain themselves safely during the day and behave appropriately, but his son is a wild card between his age and diagnosis. That's all.

Did your parents leave you with your grandparents while they went on vacation with your siblings, as a 'special treat" to go without you? That is the issue here, not parents taking a vacation without children.

[Anonymous]

If your wife won't leave your son with granny, then take the girls and go! They will be fine. And have great memories of their special trip with dad.

[Anonymous]

Your 7 year old will never forget that you left him out of this trip. Why not take your whole family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my mom and dad and two sisters went on vacation without me -- the whole family but me -- I'd be spending a LOT of time the therapist's office when older. That's a slight a kid will never forget.

My parents routinely left me with my grandparents and went on vacation without me. I barely give it a thought - it was a vacation for me too, with people I LOVED, who spoiled me in all sorts of ways my parents wouldn't. I loved going with them. I HAVE gone to a therapist twice as an adult, and neither time was this fact anywhere on the list of things I needed to discuss. They're not putting the kid in foster respite care here - he'd be with loving family members. It's good for everybody to get a break sometimes. What OP is saying is that he can count on his two oldest to entertain themselves safely during the day and behave appropriately, but his son is a wild card between his age and diagnosis. That's all.

Adult vacations without kids is entirely different. Did they take your siblings, too? To a kid location?

Yep. I got to stay with the dog and the grandparents. Sure, the Family vacation would have been great, but staying with my grandparents was great too, just in a different way. I was a REALLY difficult kid and just as they needed a break from me, it helped me to have a break from them. From always having to hear them being annoyed with me, from always feeling like whatever I did was wrong or not good enough. I appreciated the break too.

[Anonymous]

Leave your girls in a hotel room all day while Disney is outside the door????????

[Anonymous]

The problem is not parents going on a vacation without the kids, the problem is the entire family except one child going to arguably the number one desired destination of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is not parents going on a vacation without the kids, the problem is the entire family except one child going to arguably the number one desired destination of kids.

This. Completely messed up. Take your daughters. Let mom and son stay home.

[Anonymous]

The idea of taking the rest of the family and leaving ONE KID at home is awful. Fine if wife and DS stay home, as long as they are also having fun. But taking a family trip without one family member is a recipe for resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave your girls in a hotel room all day while Disney is outside the door????????

OP can clarify if he wants, but I assumed the girls would be able to roam the hotel complex and go to Disney during the day. Hell I took my 11 yr old to Disneyland during off season in December and remember thinking "Next year I could totally let her loose with a friend here and they'd be fine on their own."