My MIL is just awful to be with, but DH wants her to be part of our family life

[Anonymous]

Simple solution- have HIM take the kids out with his mother. Why are YOU doing that?

They are old enough to be with her unsupervised BUT at her age, she shouldn't be driving and could have medical issues, so your DH should be there. Think of it as a bonding moment between mother and son and grandkids. PLUS you get some free time while they are having a fun visit.

I used to take my dc over to see MIL and it would eat up the whole day. I got along with MIL but she wanted to spend time with her grandchild, not me. I wasn't offended since MY PARENTS pretty much ignored me if their grandchild was around. So one day, my DH wanted to take her over and I just packed her diaper bag and sent him over, explaining she didn't want to see me anyway and it would make a nice visit for the two of them. No one was offended. And it gave me a break. When I take my kids over to see my parents, my DH rarely comes, so it's not a big deal. He gets chores done while we are away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"She and I" went to the museum ... good luck dealing with her, though, you will just have to set limits and pick your spots...

Since you were so kind to help out the OP, I'll assist you in your quest for perfection on the internet.

"She and I" went to the museum. Good luck dealing with her, though. You will just have to set limits and pick your spots.


Additionally, your first phrase was not a sentence- you need to add a verb for that.

NP here. "Me and her" jumped out at me from OP's post, too. The error is glaring. PP used some ellipses in a loose online format, so what? You're too critical.

Oh my. I'm critical? The PP's post made me think this was a grammar circle, so I was just trying to help. I noticed "me and her" on first read as well, but since the OP was asking for relationship help, not grammar help, I chose to respond to her MIL concerns.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the age. Some old people say things they probably wouldn't if it weren't for their age...kinda like how kids will blurt anything out.

She's old. She won't last much longer. I, too, will suffer my ILs for the sake of my DH and kids to know their grandparents.

Just don't go out in public with her or invite other people over when she is there. That's what we do to avoid embarrassing situations.

LOL. Don't count on that op. She is only 72 and most old bitches are living to be over 90 now. So, count on at least more 20 years of this crap and be happy if she dies soon.

[Anonymous]

^^^ sooner*

[Anonymous]

Of course, he wants her to be a part of the family. She is family.

[Anonymous]

While I can sympathize with OP as one of our daughter's has a MIL from hell who is negative not only about her DIL but about her own Son, too. However, she and FIL do love their granddaughters and can and should be involved in their lives. It is probably best for you not to have one-on-one encounters alone with her out in public if you find her behavior offensive, but I also think that "isolating" her from her grandchildren is mean, too, and possibly shows your personality. Obviously at this point in life, you haave a much fuller life than she and perhaps can give a bit more. It is quite appropriate to have an honest conversation with DH about what behavior from MIL bothers you and specifically what you do not want her to be doing in front of grandchildren.

There are limits on MIL's behavior that I have talked to my daughter about - but in clear terms of both sets of grandparents - that there need to be their house rules on say:

- Respecting both husband and wife in front of grandchildren in all settings all the time.
- Not being disrespectful to either DIL or Son especially in their own home.
- Following rules that you as parents have set for your children in your home when visiting regarding meal time manners, watching tv or other face time media items, household chores, bed time routines etc. By this I mean that grandparents should not undercut what the parents set as rules - and especially not in front of grandchildren.

There are things with both of our daughters and SILs that we may not agree with entirely, but we also recognize we only visit on a short-term basis,and it is not our family. We had out chance to do it right or wrong.

****I gotta say this thread is hilarious to read when I see MIL is very old at 72 and shouldn't be driving and won't be around all that long. Ladies I hate to tell you but 60s and easily until very late 70s are now the prime of life for retirees. Unless her family has a short lifeline, I would not anticipate MILs soon demise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple solution- have HIM take the kids out with his mother. Why are YOU doing that?

They are old enough to be with her unsupervised BUT at her age, she shouldn't be driving and could have medical issues, so your DH should be there. Think of it as a bonding moment between mother and son and grandkids. PLUS you get some free time while they are having a fun visit.

I used to take my dc over to see MIL and it would eat up the whole day. I got along with MIL but she wanted to spend time with her grandchild, not me. I wasn't offended since MY PARENTS pretty much ignored me if their grandchild was around. So one day, my DH wanted to take her over and I just packed her diaper bag and sent him over, explaining she didn't want to see me anyway and it would make a nice visit for the two of them. No one was offended. And it gave me a break. When I take my kids over to see my parents, my DH rarely comes, so it's not a big deal. He gets chores done while we are away.

Shouldn't be driving at 72? Really?

[Anonymous]

Suck it up. You don't have to like her and nothing you wrote sounds harmful to you or the kids.