Did you drive you Middle Schooler in to school today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i still remember the time my mom refused to drive me to school (she literally passsed my school on her way to work) when i missed the bus. i hadnt done anything different in my morning routine but i just missed the bus and she refused. she made me walk two miles with no sidewalks on busy roads to get to school. it was a super bitchy and selfish thing to do. as a parent, i wouldnt want to over coddle my children but i also dont want them to remember me as a selfish mother.

also, if your kids call you for help and you deny them, they will remember that in the future when they need to call someone for help.

[Anonymous]

I still have nightmares about missing the school bus and the fear of having to call my mother for a ride home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's something we are grateful we learned from other experienced parents of teens: whenever teens call and say "mom/dad, can you please come pick me up?" we agree that we will. Sure, it's intended for when teens find themselves in more precarious situations, but I would have encouraged you to say "yes" to their request from the coffee shop. (Weren't they admitting they made a mistake?) Under no circumstances would I respond: "I'm gonna call the truant officer on you." WTH??

Teens calling for mom/dad from help? I'd say yes. This situation is the opposite of "Can you get out of my life, but first drive me and Aiden to the arcade?" You need to know the difference.

[Anonymous]

No wonder there's a bunch of sick kids in my son's school. It's because of lazy parents like yourself who want to teach their kids an important life lesson. If you don't want to drive them, make sure they are properly dressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

also, if your kids call you for help and you deny them, they will remember that in the future when they need to call someone for help.

Right. Next time it's pouring down rain, and the OP reminds them to wear their boots and raincoat, and they don't, and they get drenched, they won't call her for help. That actually seems like a good outcome to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No wonder there's a bunch of sick kids in my son's school. It's because of lazy parents like yourself who want to teach their kids an important life lesson. If you don't want to drive them, make sure they are properly dressed.

What was OP supposed to do, wrestle them into raingear and then sew them in?

Also, getting rained on doesn't make you sick.

[Anonymous]

I've never ever seen a tween/teen wear rainboots to school. Are you asking for them to be bullied? Thinking that outta toughen them up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never ever seen a tween/teen wear rainboots to school. Are you asking for them to be bullied? Thinking that outta toughen them up?

Well, then they get wet feet. Do you think that the OP should drive them because they don't want to wear footwear appropriate for rain?

[Anonymous]

We live a block from school, and I drove my kids to school today! We did walk yesterday and got pretty wet, even with raincoats and umbrellas. Definitely not a coddler, but I had the time before having to leave for work, so why not drive them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live a block from school, and I drove my kids to school today! We did walk yesterday and got pretty wet, even with raincoats and umbrellas. Definitely not a coddler, but I had the time before having to leave for work, so why not drive them.

I should mention, my kids are young elementary, not middle school, and it's a long block -- really equivalent to two.

[Anonymous]

I was working at home yesterday pm and I was literally out the door 1/2 way to the car to pick my kids up at the bus stop...when I turned around and came back. It was a steady rain but not torential. They were reminded to take rain gear in the am. I decided it was coddling. Granted we are not 1/2 mile from the bus and they were coming home so they could change if wet. Most days I am not at home and they have to make it regardless of the weather..they can and do. The enviroment is one teensy bit cleaner. Kids got a bit of exercise. You are fine OP (driving them would have been fine too if you change your mind another time)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's something we are grateful we learned from other experienced parents of teens: whenever teens call and say "mom/dad, can you please come pick me up?" we agree that we will. Sure, it's intended for when teens find themselves in more precarious situations, but I would have encouraged you to say "yes" to their request from the coffee shop. (Weren't they admitting they made a mistake?) Under no circumstances would I respond: "I'm gonna call the truant officer on you." WTH??

+1. Parent of 4 teens here. I would urge OP to look at the big picture. In essence, what you are telling them is "You made a bad decision - YOU deal with it." No problem there - generally, I am a "life lesson and "tough love" kind of girl. But you need to emphasize to them that it was good that they called you and that was a good decision after a bad one. Here's why. Your kids are going to want to hang out and go to parties and such. They may even make bad decisions - all teens do. But you still want them to call you if they get in over their heads. For example, your DD says she is spending a night at a friend's. They sneak out and go to a party. Things get out of hand and DD feels unsafe or just that she needs to get the hell out of there. You want her to feel that she can call you....right? IMO, there was no real problem with how OP handled this specific situation (although I would have driven them had I been home). However, I do think that she needs to reinforce the notion that they should call if they find themselves in a difficult situation that they do not feel they can handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A month ago, sitting at the airport, DH realized he forgot a paper he needed for a conference in his home office. I went out of my way FedEx it to him when he asked. Does that make him an entitled baby or just human?

Do you kids act spoiled in other ways? Are they never willing to do anything for themselves? Do they expect you to do everything? Bring them papers/PE clothes/permissions slips when they forget (all the time), etc.? Or was this a one off event?

Just basing it on dynamics from my own house with young teens/pre-teens, I suspect they were angry when you said you wouldn't drive and were then in no mood to listen to your advice about what to wear. Does that make them entitled brats or kids who are still learning to manage their emotions and reactions?

Not everything is a life lesson and "coddling" them now and then won't make them entitled 30 year olds who only want to live in your basement and play Xbox.

OP here. First of all, I agree completely that merely driving your kids in on a rainy day like this is not not necessarily going to turn them into 30 year old man-babies. You have teens so you do know how everything can morph into a test of wills. My kids act spoiled in many, many other ways. They live extreme silver spoon lives in terms of the home they live in , the trips they take abroad, the large sums of money my parents insist on giving them. I am pitted against a culture that assumes everyone should have an expensive gadget, kids should be able to do as they want when they want--it's really against my values.
So, but anyway, I just went up to the Welcome Center (which by the way, is about the coziest friendliest group of people that you'll meet anywhere--It makes you wish you were in 7th and 8th grade again--ok, not really, but still, nice, helpful folks…) I brought in my GIANT insulated transport bag with warm clothes that I had just pulled out of the dryer. Mrs. X politely summoned each child down one by one and each one rolled their little eyes at me and said JEEZUS I'M FINE MOM WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. So, I implored my middle son who had put on some smelly gym shorts from his locker, to "please, do your classmates a favor and put on this toasty, dry underwear and these fluffy sweat pants and these over-priced "Elite™" sports socks that you insist that I buy and then go back to class." So, he relented and did it. I don't know what he did with the wet things--probably threw them in the trash. So I sheepishly walked back to my car and drove home. As I did, I passed the Truancy Van that is usually trawling the immediate neighborhood as it parked directly in front of the school. The van was empty as usual, but it does exist. I wasn't making that up. *sigh*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

also, if your kids call you for help and you deny them, they will remember that in the future when they need to call someone for help.

Right. Next time it's pouring down rain, and the OP reminds them to wear their boots and raincoat, and they don't, and they get drenched, they won't call her for help. That actually seems like a good outcome to me.

Ok....but what about when they are in HS and they sneak to a party that OP told them not to attend....party gets out of hand...still a good outcome that OP has her kids trained not to call her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

also, if your kids call you for help and you deny them, they will remember that in the future when they need to call someone for help.

Right. Next time it's pouring down rain, and the OP reminds them to wear their boots and raincoat, and they don't, and they get drenched, they won't call her for help. That actually seems like a good outcome to me.

Ok....but what about when they are in HS and they sneak to a party that OP told them not to attend....party gets out of hand...still a good outcome that OP has her kids trained not to call her?

I am assuming that the OP's children are smart enough to recognize the difference between "I have to get out of here because there might be big trouble any minute" and "I'm wet, and I want to get driven to school".