What to do with a friend who constantly wants to compare her DC's college acceptances to yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a little odd if parents can't muster enthusiasm for where their child is going to school. Sort of seems like they'd have made peace with that.

Don't be so quick to assume with other parents that it's always one-man-upmanship. Life should be about sharing and connecting. If we all close ourselves off and are so self-protective, much of the joy gets sucked out of life.

[b]Nope. It's bragging, plain and simple and boring.

This. This. And more this.

When she she heads toward you, smile, grab your phone and say, "I'm so sorry, I've got something blowing up [at work] [at home] [at the junior league] and walk away deeply engrossed in whatever conversation on that phone you can pantomime. These kinds of folks were the same kind of unbearable when it was their SATs or final exams, we all knew those people then, too.

YES. OP here, and this is exactly what I'm talking about. To the PP who suggested I have a problem with hearing about kids who outshine my own, that's not what this is about at all. I love hearing about the accomplishments of my friends' kids. This *particular* person, however, will one-up every single thing that my child is doing, every time. Deliberately.

It sounds as though the problem is that her kid outshines yours. This is not something she's doing deliberately. It's just that once you tell her what your kid is doing, she does the same. It just happens that her kids' accomplishments are more impressive than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all other respects, she's a very nice person, but she has always enjoyed comparing our kids' academic achievements, grades, class selection, etc. We have grown very far apart because of this, but I do occasionally run into her and of course we have to then "catch up". It's all I can do to remain civil when she starts in on the whole comparing business, especially now that college decisions have come out. How can I politely change the subject the next time I see her?? I'm fine with my DC's college choice, but I know she's going to gleefully one-up me. I know I need to learn to not care, but I'm human and frankly, I do care.

Can you give an example of how she does this? How would the conversation likely go?

Sure! Her: "So how's Joe doing in his senior year? Which APs did he take? What extra-curricular activities does he do?" Me -- short answer and then trying to deflect: "What about Xavier? What's he up to" Her: "Oh, well he won the Scholar/Athlete award and plays four varsity sports! He's been a member of NHS all four years and recently won an award for his extreme volunteerism! He was offered a full ride at UVA but turned it down to attend Yale. We thought he was crazy to pass up the full-ride, but really, you can't beat Yale!"

LOL. You just have to feel sorry for someone who gets her ego boost from her kid's accomplishments and not her own.

Have you seen the hilarious Penelope skits on SNL? Kristen Wiig plays this character named Penelope who sounds just like your non-friend - constantly one-upping everyone she meets on every topic, to the point of absolute ridiculousness. Google it; they're hulu.com and great for a giggle.

Usually accomplished kids come from accomplished parents. So I suspect those parents get ego boosts from their own accomplishments as well. But that doesn't preclude them from being proud of their children as well. I'd hate to imagine a world without proud parents.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though the problem is that her kid outshines yours. This is not something she's doing deliberately. It's just that once you tell her what your kid is doing, she does the same. It just happens that her kids' accomplishments are more impressive than yours.

+1