New Driver Driving Siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the other PP but there are ways to convey you don't trust the situation without explicitly saying "I don't trust you"

Mom: No, you can't go to Brenda's if her parents aren't there
Son: Why? Don't you trust me?
Mom: It isn't that I don't trust YOU, I just know the situation can easily go to a place that is not acceptable to me.
son: but I haven't done anything to make you not trust me and what will happen!
Mom: You're right, but I don't trust the situation. Sorry kiddo, not happening

I just don't agree with telling your kid you don't trust them. My mom did this and at some point ( I think it was around 16-17) I pretty much said fuck it, she's not going to trust me anyways even if I'm not doing anything, so I might as well just do what I want since it won't make a difference!

I'm the PP. Just to be clear- we trust our son and his girlfriend in many situations. Unsupervised in the basement watching a movie, going for walks, drop them off at the mall for a couple hours, and I'm 90% sure he'll drive her to dinner and prom next month. I see what you're saying about trusting "the situation" but that's a bit like splitting hairs. You can parse words all you want but if you don't treat your kids with respect it doesn't really matter what words you use.

So back to the OP's situation, I don't see a problem essentially saying You're a safe driver, you haven't gotten in an accident yet, but you're a new driver and I don't fully trust you yet.

And you're absolutely right- eventually kids are going to say "fuck it" and do whatever they want. Although the number of DCUM folks who are convinced it won't be their kid is truly amazing.