New Driver Driving Siblings

[Anonymous]

No way.. partly safety, partly it isn't his job to drop off your child at school. I can't imagine having my step kids parent my child.

[Anonymous]

My DS had far more than the required number of experience hours before we allowed him to test for his license. Once he had his license, we did have him start driving his siblings where they needed to go. It is scary at first, but it gets easier after a while. The one thing that I did was to emphasize that when there are children around (i.e. school parking lots), one can NEVER assume that they will use good judgment and won't step out in front of your car, and that the driver has to be extra cautious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way.. partly safety, partly it isn't his job to drop off your child at school. I can't imagine having my step kids parent my child.

OP here. In my husbands defense, they do go to the same school. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way.. partly safety, partly it isn't his job to drop off your child at school. I can't imagine having my step kids parent my child.

So if I give somebody else's kid a ride home from school I'm parenting them? Or when my son gets a ride home from football practice from a HS senior they're parenting him? Helicopters are out now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way.. partly safety, partly it isn't his job to drop off your child at school. I can't imagine having my step kids parent my child.

So when I have my older child drive the younger one to the school they both attend and both need to be at anyway, my oldest child is parenting my youngest, her sister? Interesting. I suppose the neighbors that I used to share car pool duty with back in elementary school were also parenting each other's children, then. This is news to me. You have a very strange and extreme view of things PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I use this line with my kids for a variety of reasons...

Even though you haven't given me a reason to not trust you, I still don't trust you yet. I hope you understand even if you don't agree

Learning how to drive is not easy. It isn't just your stepson you're worried about, its how he will react to every other driver, pedestrian, and bike on the road. Let him know its a big step for you and need time for him to practice as a driver alone before he has the distraction of passengers with him.

It makes me very sad for your children that you have a line you regularly use about not trusting them. IMO this issue isn't about trust at all but skill. There's a very big difference there and for your kids' sake I hope you learn it PP.

Lol. I'm glad your heart weeps for my poor children. I guess I should let my 16 yo son go to his girlfriend's apartment when her mom isn't there? Even though they've done nothing to indicate I shouldn't trust them, its not okay for me to have reservations and honestly tell him about them?

Just curious- how old are your children?

Bump- still waiting for advice from the PP on this one.

[Anonymous]

OP - if you don't feel comfortable don't allow it. Driving is serious.

[Anonymous]

Just an update from OP.

Thanks for all the responses!

Just went to school orientation today, and it came up that the school doesn't allow parking spaces for 10th graders. So, it will be a nonissue for a whole year, since we will still have to drive DSS in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The new driver rules in our state do specifically exclude immediate family. That's actually my ideal resolution of this issue, that DD not be considered immediate family for the purposes of these restrictions. But if he actually has a stellar first six months (no accidents, no tickets, no evidence of phone use, etc) I could see relaxing that in certain circumstances.

You want to tell your stepson he's not "immediate family"? Isn't that kind of hurtful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The new driver rules in our state do specifically exclude immediate family. That's actually my ideal resolution of this issue, that DD not be considered immediate family for the purposes of these restrictions. But if he actually has a stellar first six months (no accidents, no tickets, no evidence of phone use, etc) I could see relaxing that in certain circumstances.

You want to tell your stepson he's not "immediate family"? Isn't that kind of hurtful?

We wouldn't put it that way! I'm just suggesting we use the laws already in place as a guideline and not take advantage of that exception. If there are rational, safety based reasons he shouldn't drive his 6 year old cousin, then those same reasons exist for his not driving his six year old sister.

My father was actually killed in a car accident, and, in my line of work, I've seen many kids killed or permanently disabled because of unsafe driving. My stepson is actually extremely reasonable about the fact that I have stricter car safety rules than his dad. In this case, however, the rule is going to be coming from both of us. (His dad and I have also now agreed to follow the law guidelines for nonsiblings unless one of us is in the car. I'm fine with that compromise.)

[Anonymous]

It also not just who he is driving but also where is is going. There are lots of stop and go and people, including small children, moving in and out at school drop offs regardless of how organized the school makes it. That's a lot to take in for a new driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I use this line with my kids for a variety of reasons...

Even though you haven't given me a reason to not trust you, I still don't trust you yet. I hope you understand even if you don't agree

Learning how to drive is not easy. It isn't just your stepson you're worried about, its how he will react to every other driver, pedestrian, and bike on the road. Let him know its a big step for you and need time for him to practice as a driver alone before he has the distraction of passengers with him.

It makes me very sad for your children that you have a line you regularly use about not trusting them. IMO this issue isn't about trust at all but skill. There's a very big difference there and for your kids' sake I hope you learn it PP.

Lol. I'm glad your heart weeps for my poor children. I guess I should let my 16 yo son go to his girlfriend's apartment when her mom isn't there? Even though they've done nothing to indicate I shouldn't trust them, its not okay for me to have reservations and honestly tell him about them?

Just curious- how old are your children?

Bump- still waiting for advice from the PP on this one.

Not the other PP but there are ways to convey you don't trust the situation without explicitly saying "I don't trust you"

Mom: No, you can't go to Brenda's if her parents aren't there
Son: Why? Don't you trust me?
Mom: It isn't that I don't trust YOU, I just know the situation can easily go to a place that is not acceptable to me.
son: but I haven't done anything to make you not trust me and what will happen!
Mom: You're right, but I don't trust the situation. Sorry kiddo, not happening

I just don't agree with telling your kid you don't trust them. My mom did this and at some point ( I think it was around 16-17) I pretty much said fuck it, she's not going to trust me anyways even if I'm not doing anything, so I might as well just do what I want since it won't make a difference!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way.. partly safety, partly it isn't his job to drop off your child at school. I can't imagine having my step kids parent my child.

So if I give somebody else's kid a ride home from school I'm parenting them? Or when my son gets a ride home from football practice from a HS senior they're parenting him? Helicopters are out now

Asenine comment. If you pick up another child, you are legally responsible for them. Not all parents want that LEGAL responsibility.

OP, what does the law say? When I was a new driver, minors were not allowed for the first 6 months. Boys are riskier drivers, hence the higher insurance premiums. You and DH need to discuss worst case scenarios and probable scenarios and see if you can BOTH live with it.

My brother had a minor accident within 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way.. partly safety, partly it isn't his job to drop off your child at school. I can't imagine having my step kids parent my child.

So if I give somebody else's kid a ride home from school I'm parenting them? Or when my son gets a ride home from football practice from a HS senior they're parenting him? Helicopters are out now

Asenine comment. If you pick up another child, you are legally responsible for them. Not all parents want that LEGAL responsibility.

OP, what does the law say? When I was a new driver, minors were not allowed for the first 6 months. Boys are riskier drivers, hence the higher insurance premiums. You and DH need to discuss worst case scenarios and probable scenarios and see if you can BOTH live with it.

My brother had a minor accident within 6 months.

The laws in our state have restrictions on minor passenger restrictions for a year, but none apply to siblings.

[Anonymous]

Personally, if I did not feel comfortable with my DS driving my younger child then I would not feel comfortable letting my son drive at all. My DS practiced with younger siblings in the car for most of the learner's permit period.