When you don't get along with an administrator.....
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| OP, when I reread your statement, I was hoping that you were at my school so that your departure will leave us with one less obnoxious parent. |
Anonymous
|
Too many people treat school administrators as their personal customer service representative - with an attitude that the paying customer should get what they want. But it doesn't work this way. There are too many competing needs at a school to please every parent. Every child is unique and has specific needs. Even at a private school, each student is NOT going to get a 100% personalized education.
In the end, you need to find the school that "as a whole" best fits what you want in an education for your child. There is no perfect place and there will always be facets of a school that you wish you could change. If you find yourself in a place where you have large concerns about a key factor at your private school - it's probably time to leave because it is not likely to change. However, if you find yourself wanting to micromanage and change "this" at one school or "that" at another school - or take steps to demand that one school "meet your needs" to stay there or ask another school "promise something" in order for your child to attend, then you need to self reflect. Look in the mirror and carefully consider whether you are the problem and not the school. (or an administrator at the school) |
Anonymous
|
Op, here. Wow. Crazy comments. My concerns have nothing to do with how she greets my girls in the morning. That is fine. I do not have children with behavior problems. I just find the administrator to be horrible. Have had several run ins with her over the last 2 years and she really is incompetent.
We have until June to decide if my girls will stay. We will see. |
Anonymous
It does sound like you might be making this more about you than about your children. You've had a couple of run-ins over several years -- but how have your children's hundreds of hours in the classroom over the past couple of years been? |
Anonymous
|
Op here again. My youngest dd has been impacted by her poor judgment. The way certain situations have been handled are inappropriate and have been contradictory to what the school stands for.
An example not related to me, is a 4th grader with severe anxiety was having school phobia issues. The head if lower school said to just keep him out since he has such anxiety. Anyone who knows anything about school phobia knows that keeping them out is the worst thing to do. He was out for 8 weeks. The poor family. Just poor judgment. |
Anonymous
| First of all, it is unethical for you to discuss in a public forum the problems of another child without the parents knowing about it. Second, if you were not there when the decision was made since this incident did not involve you, how will you have the information to assess whether the decision was in poor judgment? |
Anonymous
|
Whatever! The name of the school or child or any details were revealed. I don't know the op, or the family involved in this incident but it is not unethical since it is anonymous and no details were shared.
I currently am not drinking the kool aide and my private. Hoping we will be able to leave next year. I am positive that our current school would be happy if we left. 
|
Anonymous
It's not about drinking the kool aid - it's about acting professional and respectful to administrations even after you realize the school is not cut out to meet your expectations or the needs of your child. Good luck moving on, hopefully you haven't burnt too many bridges along the way. |
Anonymous
| ^^ PS -to clarify, the "bridges" comment wasn't meant to be a "dig" but was in response to how sure you are that the school will be happy to see you leave.....that doesn't sound like good or healthy situation. |
Anonymous
Well, it sounds like you do actually have some conflicts related to your child's specific situation as opposed to just disliking the administrator on principle. If (1) you think it is worth the disruption to your kids; and (2) you think things would be handled differently and more appropriately somewhere else (and you might talk to an honest but sympathetic friend to get a read on this second question), then you might seriously consider going to a different school. I would echo other posters to be careful of making assumptions about other situations about which you do not and cannot know all the facts (for example, is there a school counselor advising the administrator that the child in question might do better with a break from school). |
Anonymous
This sounds primarily like a personality conflict. I don't think most parents spend much time thinking about whether or not they "get along" with a division head, and if the relationship has deteriorated to the point where you are thinking about never again having a conversation alone with this person, it's hard to believe that at least some fault doesn't lie on both sides--especially when you throw around words like "worthless" and make a point of citing the money the school stands to lose if you leave. I would try to take yourself out of the equation and just focus on your kids, the experience they are having at school, and the specific ways in which the division head is affecting that experience. If she has made specific decisions that you feel are unwise, I would email her--respectfully--and copy the head of school. |
Anonymous
Anxiety is a tough call. I do know about school avoidance and its not as obvious as you make it seem. Sometimes you need to push the child as hard as you can to go to school anyway. Sometimes that will make the situation much, much worse. Its a very individual thing. In our case, we were able to switch schools which helped a lot (in addition to medication and therapy). Its very important not to judge how another family deals with a child with mental illness. Its always complicated and even though you may think you are being supportive, if I were the parents I would feel judged. |
Anonymous
|
I am new to this post. But I didn't get the message that the OP was judging anyone but the school administrator. She didn't seem like she had any first hand knowledge other then a story that she heard. I am just surprised as to how this posting got turned around. I thought the orig poster just wanted to know what others have done. Not for her to be judged. Maybe the issue is OP, but that is not our place to judge either.
Can't this forum just offer advice without being mean? just a thought. |
Anonymous
| PP - Much of the advice given here has been for the OP to be cautious and perhaps look inward and to consider moving on to another school and to downplay the focus on the "personal relationship" with the administrator - that is not judgement. Sometimes people don't want to admit that part of the problem is made by our own behavior - and when they hear that message from others, they consider it as judgmental. |
Anonymous
The OP appeared to fail the "judge not lest ye be judged" test, and her post was rather mean. So the "People in Glass Houses Corollary" comes into play. |