When you don't get along with an administrator.....

[Anonymous]

How do you have problems with a division head? Let's say your DC gets called into the office to explain the reason for some transgression that did not occur? Let's say others tell you that the division head has said things that you do not like or agree with to others about your child? Suppose there's a dispute with another person about your child and the head takes the side of the other person - who happens to be a teacher that many other parents have problems with, too? I am not the OP but know of situations where rational people -- not freaks -- have faces such situations at well-regarded private schools. It happens.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to say more here if you want constructive comments. What kind of interactions have you had to know you are "not getting along" with the division head? FWIW, do you need to get along with the division head? Look, I thought the division head at my kids' PP may have better served the community by retiring a few years earlier, but whatever. A genius was not needed to power map the situation and recognize that the division head was not going to be forced our prematurely. Unless you have incredibly compelling evidence that the division head is negligent, bordering on criminal, seems best to limit your interactions, yet remain pleasant in case their support is needed in the future. Don't think that your DCs' withdrawal will garner much attention.

[Anonymous]

I am a PP whose division head greets kids and families every morning. And also meets frequently with families about issues regarding the school. The families I know that get the most upset and have "personal issues" with the head (they dislike the head) are ones that want to demand something from the head and don't get it or that have a child with an issue that causes problems at school and the parents are unwilling to listen to what the school has to say about it. Others have their opinions on how strong or weak the head may be and whether or not they'd like someone different - but they don't go so far as to have a personal issue with the division head.

So OP - without additional information as to what your issue is, it is hard to give you much advice. So far there is nothing concrete here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a PP whose division head greets kids and families every morning. And also meets frequently with families about issues regarding the school. The families I know that get the most upset and have "personal issues" with the head (they dislike the head) are ones that want to demand something from the head and don't get it or that have a child with an issue that causes problems at school and the parents are unwilling to listen to what the school has to say about it. Others have their opinions on how strong or weak the head may be and whether or not they'd like someone different - but they don't go so far as to have a personal issue with the division head.

So OP - without additional information as to what your issue is, it is hard to give you much advice. So far there is nothing concrete here.

New poster. I agree with this assessment.

[Anonymous]

I dislike our division head. I think her decisions about curriculum changes are off, she has trouble relating to kids and parents and I have read on here that prospective parents are turned off by her cold or odd demeanor during tours. I steer clear. If I have needed her, it has never turned out as I would have liked or expected.

We are leaving for a variety of reasons, but not respecting or liking the division head and the tone she sets is a big one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike our division head. I think her decisions about curriculum changes are off, she has trouble relating to kids and parents and I have read on here that prospective parents are turned off by her cold or odd demeanor during tours. I steer clear. If I have needed her, it has never turned out as I would have liked or expected.

We are leaving for a variety of reasons, but not respecting or liking the division head and the tone she sets is a big one.

Other parents dislike you and your constant criticism and backseat driving of your child's school experience. They find you preachy and arrogant and a know-it-all and are glad you will be leaving the parent body.

Hey, criticizing other people is fun!

[Anonymous]

``I dislike our division head. I think her decisions about curriculum changes are off, she has trouble relating to kids and parents and I have read on here that prospective parents are turned off by her cold or odd demeanor during tours. I steer clear. If I have needed her, it has never turned out as I would have liked or expected.

We are leaving for a variety of reasons, but not respecting or liking the division head and the tone she sets is a big one.''

Question: Did your kid get in trouble at school?

[Anonymous]

08:35 here...my kid has never been in trouble. I have still needed to interact with the division head though. I have been part of our PTA and had many of my interactions through that forum where we as parents were asked for input, so I would not call that backseat driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike our division head. I think her decisions about curriculum changes are off, she has trouble relating to kids and parents and I have read on here that prospective parents are turned off by her cold or odd demeanor during tours. I steer clear. If I have needed her, it has never turned out as I would have liked or expected.

We are leaving for a variety of reasons, but not respecting or liking the division head and the tone she sets is a big one.

I think this post is a good example to OP on what choices are available. When a family is unhappy with curriculum decisions, it is a good reason to leave. Not being happy with interactions with the head doesn't really help matters much - but my guess is that when a parent and the head don't agree on something as important as curriculum, then the parent is never going to leave that meeting feeling good about it. Steering clear is a wise decision and very good advice to OP if this is the case. Looking elsewhere is also a good choice. The chances of the head or the school changing the curriculum are slim, so if you know of other shools that have a curriculum that better matches expectations or works better for your child...move on. I'm sure it is easier to move on when you don't like the head, than if you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:08:35 here...my kid has never been in trouble. I have still needed to interact with the division head though. I have been part of our PTA and had many of my interactions through that forum where we as parents were asked for input, so I would not call that backseat driving.

So you're leaving the school -- in part because of this admin you don't like, and in part because of other factors. Good for you; we all get to vote with our feet. Is that your advice for OP?

I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just not sure what this conversation is about.

[Anonymous]

Do schools kick families out? The OP sounds like a difficult person who is in denial about her personality issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do schools kick families out? The OP sounds like a difficult person who is in denial about her personality issues.

We have a very outspoken parent at our school (which sounds like a very similar school to OP...) that I am sure the school wishes would leave. Other parents wish they would leave! The parent has absolutely no filter, has no sense of what is reasonable to discuss in a public forum or what is reasonable to ask of the school (in this case - the parent "demands" of the school). It is just awful. I am sure they won't be kicked out but I am sure the school wishes they could. I feel sorry for any school they move to - the sense of entitlement, lack of respect and void of any sort of composure is amazing.

[Anonymous]

The way that OP describes this person and the issue makes him/her sound like it's a personal issue, and ultimately OP's problem. Yikes! If it's that bad, just leave I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How have you handled the situation when you do not get along with a division head of your childs school? Do you try and go to another administrator? Did you leave? Do you just ignore them and hope that you do not ever have a conversation alone with them again? This particular division head has been at my childs school for almost two years and she is the worst. In my gut, I know that she is a mean spiritied person with no substance. She is not qualified to be a division head and many parents are hoping that she will leave. Unfortunatly, I do not see that happening at least for another year.

Any suggestions on how you have dealt with this issue? Were you able to navigate the school climate knowing that an adminstrator is worthless? How did you get around it? Or should we pull our approx 60,000 and two children out of the school and just call it a learning experience.

The "knowing in her gut that she is a mean spirited person" is the part that gets me. To believe the division head isn't qualified and has no substance or to identify other families that would prefer a different division head are valid issues to highlight (remembering, however, that such opinions may not be universally shared in other circles of parents at that school) But the OP loses lots of brownie points once it crosses the line to being something personal. It says to me that the OP is probably handling this scenario poorly.

[Anonymous]

OP, when I reread your statement, all I can think are the parents I know who may not like some school decisions, some quite strongly, but they don't allow it to veer into the personal terrain.