our finances are a mess

[Anonymous]

OP, kudos to you for spending $0 on entertainment. Do let us know how you swing that with 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I dont purport to know your situation but I'd ask yourself: which one is going to be the bigger burden on your kids in 20-30 years? Having gone to public school with some private tutoring or having destitute parents who are going to have to rely on their children in their old age?

If your kids are so severely learning disabled (all 3???) that they cant reasonably function in society in the long run then the private school education is a waste, and if not, then simply declaring that public cannot under any conceivable circumstance meet your basic needs feels nearsighted - both for your own future and well being and frankly for those of your kids.

What would you rather have, a student who graduates on time with B's and A's, or one that repeats a grade or two but goes on to a fully paid college while you have a fully paid for retirement, and maybe even enough to help them get their first place?

while I pretty much agree with everything you wrote here, you could have been a bit more diplomatic in your first sentence. that was pretty insensitive to OP.

[Anonymous]

while I pretty much agree with everything you wrote here, you could have been a bit more diplomatic in your first sentence. that was pretty insensitive to OP.

I'm not the previous poster, but I don't think it was insensitive to say that at all. I don't think parents put enough focus on how their financial decisions today will impact their children during the parents' golden years. In my circle of friends, there are a few thirty-something's that are starting to feel the financial pain of having to help their parents. One situation is not looking pretty, and I can't imagine this is what the parent would have wanted for her child. Mom has health issues, no savings nor retirement plan. All the siblings are living hand to mouth, so it up to the only one who actually supports herself to support everyone, and she just doesn't make enough to do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-no employer match for 401k, still worth it? 500 to savings, 500 to retirement?
Fwiw We have no cable, eat out once or twice a year, day trips only, cheap cell plan.
My kids have learning disabilities that can't be adequately addressed in public schools. Not negotiable at this point.

This is the problem right here. I would move to a good public school district ASAP. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think you are discounting public school without really, really, looking into how to make that work for you, even if that means moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

while I pretty much agree with everything you wrote here, you could have been a bit more diplomatic in your first sentence. that was pretty insensitive to OP.

I'm not the previous poster, but I don't think it was insensitive to say that at all. I don't think parents put enough focus on how their financial decisions today will impact their children during the parents' golden years. In my circle of friends, there are a few thirty-something's that are starting to feel the financial pain of having to help their parents. One situation is not looking pretty, and I can't imagine this is what the parent would have wanted for her child. Mom has health issues, no savings nor retirement plan. All the siblings are living hand to mouth, so it up to the only one who actually supports herself to support everyone, and she just doesn't make enough to do that

Im the PP who said that other PP needed to be more diplomatic. If you read my post you would have caught the fact that I said that Ii agreed with pretty much everything that PP said.....

I am the same person who previously said that I have an SN child who attends public because I refused to endanger the finances of the whole family. of course its easy to say because we live in a good school district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Public school not an option for various reasons. We can reasonably put away$1000 a month but into what...401k, mutual fund...

I think you need to make it an option. You cannot afford private school for 3 children without severely impacting your finances and it isn't responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

while I pretty much agree with everything you wrote here, you could have been a bit more diplomatic in your first sentence. that was pretty insensitive to OP.

I'm not the previous poster, but I don't think it was insensitive to say that at all. I don't think parents put enough focus on how their financial decisions today will impact their children during the parents' golden years. In my circle of friends, there are a few thirty-something's that are starting to feel the financial pain of having to help their parents. One situation is not looking pretty, and I can't imagine this is what the parent would have wanted for her child. Mom has health issues, no savings nor retirement plan. All the siblings are living hand to mouth, so it up to the only one who actually supports herself to support everyone, and she just doesn't make enough to do that

My mother isn't even talking to me (or her only grandchild) because I didn't see her enough $ last year. She has blamed what she did for me at several points in her life, my fault she didn't work full time, my fault she spent more on a three bedroom, etc. I used to feel guilty, now I'm just angry and resentful. She could be in good shape now, but for her bad decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here-no employer match for 401k, still worth it? 500 to savings, 500 to retirement?
Fwiw We have no cable, eat out once or twice a year, day trips only, cheap cell plan.
My kids have learning disabilities that can't be adequately addressed in public schools. Not negotiable at this point.

This is the problem right here. I would move to a good public school district ASAP. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think you are discounting public school without really, really, looking into how to make that work for you, even if that means moving.

My children have learning disablities that require ongoing, active and assertive advocacy to get them addressed in the public schools. But it is not impossible. We also supplement at home and with tutors becasue the public schools ar enot hteir to provide the BEST, but are there to provide the appropriate. Everyone I know supplements regardless of LDs or not (my parents did this as did their parents- it isn't new). FAR FAR FAR cheaper than private schools. There are plenty of public schools in the area that can meet your children's needs and you have the income to afford the neighborhoods. One is ASD the other is profound ADHD and profound multiple LDs. Both are 2E. It does require more active parenting time (and that sucks, but so does paying private school tuition), but we have been able to fully fund college and our retirement on 100K less HHI. As a result,we are in a better position to help our children in school and when they go to college and beyond. I think you are being a little short sighted about the cost of privage school and the long term consequenses of that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Public school not an option for various reasons. We can reasonably put away$1000 a month but into what...401k, mutual fund...

Public school is always an option. In fact it's the only option for most people. Don't be such a snob.

[Anonymous]

Unbelievable that you can have an income of $280k and are unable to save.

My income is about a third of yours and we provide quite comfortably for a family of four with significant savings and a networth of more than $1 million.

[Anonymous]

$6000 a month on tuition? There's your trouble. You could trade in whatever you're living in now for a nice house in the best public school district in the area and still come our way ahead.

[Anonymous]

out*

[Anonymous]

My mother isn't even talking to me (or her only grandchild) because I didn't see her enough $ last year. She has blamed what she did for me at several points in her life, my fault she didn't work full time, my fault she spent more on a three bedroom, etc. I used to feel guilty, now I'm just angry and resentful. She could be in good shape now, but for her bad decisions.

Is your mother liberal ? Because I can't even count the times I read what you posted on liberal sites. They claim they gave their life up to invest in their kid only to get the finger back in return. Now they sit penniless griping about the horrible children they birthed. I'm thinking that's why the old hags love abortion. They wished they had terminated the Indigo ungrateful child they thought would provide for them later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My mother isn't even talking to me (or her only grandchild) because I didn't see her enough $ last year. She has blamed what she did for me at several points in her life, my fault she didn't work full time, my fault she spent more on a three bedroom, etc. I used to feel guilty, now I'm just angry and resentful. She could be in good shape now, but for her bad decisions.

Is your mother liberal ? Because I can't even count the times I read what you posted on liberal sites. They claim they gave their life up to invest in their kid only to get the finger back in return. Now they sit penniless griping about the horrible children they birthed. I'm thinking that's why the old hags love abortion. They wished they had terminated the Indigo ungrateful child they thought would provide for them later in life.

Perhaps you should stop reading "liberal sites."

[Anonymous]

eh, don't feel bad. Our HHI is north of $400K and I bounced a $1,500 check this morning ....