if you wanted 2 kids and only had 1 because spouse only wanted 1, how did it turn out?

[Anonymous]

One is great OP. You should try to embrace it. I liked someone's idea here to make sure to make your home open to your child's friends. I can't imagine having another kid. Ours is great and the second would have always had to play "second fiddle" to superstar number 1. Don't regret what you don't have. Instead, maybe give a little scholarship to a poor kid or become a big brother to someone who could use a male figure.

Having a baby is shear torture. You shouldn't press your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think DW is going to change her mind about only wanting one, so I guess DS is going to be an only. If you were in this situation, how do you feel about it now? I'm worried I'll be permanently resentful, but don't want to be, and want the perspective of someone who went through this a while ago. Thanks.

I had a horrible birthing experience with first child and didnt want another. Five years later, I changed my mind because I didn't want DS to be lonely. We had another and miscaried our third. Miscarriages are devastating. Why doesn't she want a second? Be grateful with what you have. If you push it, she might be resentful. Pregnancy and birth is very hard on the body. MEN really can't comprehend this aspect.

[Anonymous]

Perfect.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is one of the causes of divorce, but more often those cases are where the woman wants more and the man wants fewer.
That said, be careful. The child you have might sense that you are disappointed in him or her.
Also, if your spouse can't handle another, then you need to think about what kind of parent they will be.

Agree that many of the only children I know are brats.

[Anonymous]

What is the age of your wife? You? Your child?

Be happy with what you have. Just because you wanted 2 doesn't mean you would be able to have 2. Some couples want kids and they are childless. Stop focusing on what could have been and be grateful for what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Quite honestly, the one "only" child in our extended family is obnoxious. She's in elementary school and just the complete stereotypical only child. She isn't a brat but she's just horribly self centered. She expects to be entertained all the time and she can't relate well to my kids. We only see her a few times a year and that's enough. I realize not all "only" children are like this but it's such a great thing to grow up and make decisions on aging parents with a sibling or two. My kids love each other and I'm thankful they have each other to experience lifes ups and downs with.

That's nice.

Thanks for using your ONE experience to write a sweeping generalization.

Signed,
only child
mother of two

[Anonymous]

I would never have married someone who only wanted one child. It just seems like a selfish attitude.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in your boat and it gets better.

I have nothing to add but I echo what the other posters who are happy with one say. I have my days (had one this weekend) where I want more but that's not what we agrees to do.

I'm an only and am happy and successful. As are my parents. I'm am confident my daughter will be too.

One thing that continually strikes me is that when I see a family of 3 on the street I usually notice and I read them as three individuals. Especially if the child is a non baby. They almost always look happy and connected. When I see a family of 4+ I read them as a lump and I feel no connection, nor do I see them as distinct individuals. It's hard to put into words and likely has a lot to do with only being able to relate to my own experiences, but the short is that I feel a family of 3 has an easier time cultivating everyone's best and most whole self than a larger family, mostly due to limited resources of time and relationships and money.

That said, families come in all sizes and none is best. Despite what some mean PPs say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have married someone who only wanted one child. It just seems like a selfish attitude.

Huh? That's like saying you wouldn't marry someone who claims to never want to live in a townhouse or doesn't want a dog. It's a different opinion than some but in no way a negative trait.