Breakfast issue or failed marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave. And on the day you move out, leave a HUGE stack of pancakes on the table.

Actually, I'd just leave a box of Bisquick on the table, with the note "Here's your pancakes!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm calling BS.

She's working 7 days a week, double shifts, and cooking a 4 course breakfast? Maybe if she wasn't so busy trolling DCUM she'd have time to make enough pancakes to keep her man happy.

+1.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a jerk. He is an adult who can make his own f'ing pancakes. He's lucky you didn't spit in the ones you did make.

Get the hell out of this marriage, and don't jump into another one too quickly, in case this is a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the responses . I talked to my husband last night( he comes from work at 12 am) and he didn't seem to understand the reason I was upset. He kept on insisting that breakfast was lazy.

[Anonymous]

Op, then he can make his own breakfast from now on. It's not your job as a wife to make breakfast for a grown-ass man. If you want to do it, that's your call, but he could at least pretend to be grateful. If I had someone making me pancakes (I'm single), I'd be kissing the ground they walked on, especially if there was bacon.

[Anonymous]

The man-hate is strong here.

OP- you said you work 7 days a week, right? How much does he work? You said he gets home at midnight but is up at 7 am for St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast. Is he busting his ass 16 hours a day, 7 days a week? Or does he sit around in boxers and a ribbed white t-shirt complete with marinara stains complaining about the inadequacy of the flapjack situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The man-hate is strong here.

OP- you said you work 7 days a week, right? How much does he work? You said he gets home at midnight but is up at 7 am for St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast. Is he busting his ass 16 hours a day, 7 days a week? Or does he sit around in boxers and a ribbed white t-shirt complete with marinara stains complaining about the inadequacy of the flapjack situation?

Does it matter? Even if he is busting his ass for 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, that doesn't give him the right to treat her like that. My husband works long, hard hours. I let him sleep in on Saturdays and a sometimes I make him pancakes and eggs and bring him breakfast in bed. And you know what he says? Thank you. Every time. Even when a pancake is a little raw on the inside or burnt on the outside or there are only 2. Because that's what you say when someone tries to do something nice and thoughtful for you.

This is how my uncle used to treat my aunt, but it wasnt just about one breakfast. It was a pattern. Everything she did was wrong, not good enough. Even her kids called her fat and lazy and thought that was OK because that is what they learned from their dad. She stayed in it for 23 years before leaving and she is so much happier now. I'm not saying leave over pancakes, but you deserve better than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The man-hate is strong here.

OP- you said you work 7 days a week, right? How much does he work? You said he gets home at midnight but is up at 7 am for St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast. Is he busting his ass 16 hours a day, 7 days a week? Or does he sit around in boxers and a ribbed white t-shirt complete with marinara stains complaining about the inadequacy of the flapjack situation?

Does it matter? Even if he is busting his ass for 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, that doesn't give him the right to treat her like that. My husband works long, hard hours. I let him sleep in on Saturdays and a sometimes I make him pancakes and eggs and bring him breakfast in bed. And you know what he says? Thank you. Every time. Even when a pancake is a little raw on the inside or burnt on the outside or there are only 2. Because that's what you say when someone tries to do something nice and thoughtful for you.

This is how my uncle used to treat my aunt, but it wasnt just about one breakfast. It was a pattern. Everything she did was wrong, not good enough. Even her kids called her fat and lazy and thought that was OK because that is what they learned from their dad. She stayed in it for 23 years before leaving and she is so much happier now. I'm not saying leave over pancakes, but you deserve better than that.

Of course it matters. The example you cited for your aunt and uncle is a pattern of emotionally abusive behavior. If this guy is getting by on 6 hours of sleep a night (home at midnight, up for breakfast at 7am) it is a bit different. Maybe he had a bad day. Maybe the mortgage is 2 months past due. I don't know. Does that make it right for him to say she's lazy? Of course not.

But the OP's question, the title of the thread is "Breakfast issue or failed marriage". If you're willing to say their marriage is failed and beyond repair over PANCAKES, then so be it. Good luck to you. Personally, I would like a little more info before throwing HIM under the bus.

Again- EVERYTHING your aunt did was wrong, not good enough. This guy gets home from work at MIDNIGHT and is up a SEVEN and makes a rude, condescending, hurtful comment. Clearly the issue isn't about pancakes. Maybe they both deserve better.

[Anonymous]

He does not get up at 7. As a matter of fact, he works only 16 hours a WEEK.. He is a student and seems to enjoy his freedom . When I asked for some gratitude, he said he doesn't owe me anything, and that I'd work as much as I do now even if he would work more hours..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does not get up at 7. As a matter of fact, he works only 16 hours a WEEK.. He is a student and seems to enjoy his freedom . When I asked for some gratitude, he said he doesn't owe me anything, and that I'd work as much as I do now even if he would work more hours..

I'm not even sure what to say. OP? If the above is an accurate description, why are you on here asking about pancakes? You appear to have bigger issues in your marriage than him calling you lazy and I'm not sure why you wouldn't realize that.

[Anonymous]

OP. Are you from another country in which men expect women to wait on them?

[Anonymous]

Tell him to make his own damn breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He does not get up at 7. As a matter of fact, he works only 16 hours a WEEK.. He is a student and seems to enjoy his freedom . When I asked for some gratitude, he said he doesn't owe me anything, and that I'd work as much as I do now even if he would work more hours..

I'm not even sure what to say. OP? If the above is an accurate description, why are you on here asking about pancakes? You appear to have bigger issues in your marriage than him calling you lazy and I'm not sure why you wouldn't realize that.

DH who asked if he was busting his ass here- I completely agree. He sounds like the lazy, ingrateful turd and the issue goes WAY beyond the pancake comment. Thank you for clarifying and I suggest you find some support and the testicular fortitude to get him to start carrying his weight.

[Anonymous]

I'm too weak to admit that he doesn't deserve me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm too weak to admit that he doesn't deserve me.

Are you weak enough to admit that you should find a support group and/or counseling? You're setting an example for your kids that this behavior- from him and you- is acceptable.