Breakfast issue or failed marriage?

[Anonymous]

How old are you and how long have you been married? I don't usually recommend people abandon their marriages but if that story you told is true, it is time to go. Even when I put burnt, tasteless food on a plate my husband still thanks me for the effort.

Your husband is an asshat. And he verbally abuses you.

[Anonymous]

He plays video games while you cook and then complains it isn't enough food? Jesus, does he critique your blow jobs that he expects too? You have a job that has "double shifts" as an option and he sits on his ass and complains about the food quantity? . Get your own counseling as to why you married what sounds like the behavior of an entitled teenager who is cold, demanding and unappreciative. Why do you think this is love? You deserve more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave. And on the day you move out, leave a HUGE stack of pancakes on the table.

Actually I'd go one step further: leave the huge stack of pancakes on top of the video game console WITh plenty of syrup.

[Anonymous]

From your post his name calling doesn't sound like a one-off. Most of us, at one time or another, have been crappy to our SOs, but have the sense not to make it habitual and ask for forgiveness. If he's not the least bit contrite and genuinely trying to change you should reconsider if this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[Anonymous]

I am really surprised at how easy it is for people on here to tell others to walk away from a marriage.

Didn't any of you take your vows seriously? For better or for worse?

I don't know if I could say calling a spouse "lazy" is verbal abuse. It is incredibly rude and hurtful and is not the way you should talk to anyone, let alone your spouse. Maybe OPs DH is having some other things going on right now and freaked out, but the answer is not to "leave". Jeez.

I would suggest finding time, alone, to talk to him and say "Hey, what you said was really mean and unnecessary. What is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really surprised at how easy it is for people on here to tell others to walk away from a marriage.

Didn't any of you take your vows seriously? For better or for worse?

I don't know if I could say calling a spouse "lazy" is verbal abuse. It is incredibly rude and hurtful and is not the way you should talk to anyone, let alone your spouse. Maybe OPs DH is having some other things going on right now and freaked out, but the answer is not to "leave". Jeez.

I would suggest finding time, alone, to talk to him and say "Hey, what you said was really mean and unnecessary. What is going on?

I agree with you - but only to a point. The OP's post states that he has called her this before, and over the quantity of pancakes? There is something amiss in that thought process. And if that is the case it could be indicative of a larger trend of disrespect by her DH. It would have to be a huge issue for me to dissolve my marriage without therapy, but if he's unwilling to change his behavior, feels entitled to call her names, sees nothing wrong with it, etc. I'd be asking myself if this was the life I wanted.

And the days of me making pancakes for him would be done. How the hell does a person, who is not a small child (and even my 9 year old knows better now), criticize the person who made them food? He would now be invited to get up off his ass and make his own breakfast.

[Anonymous]

My mother always said she left my dad over a can of tuna fish.

Obviously it's not the tuna fish, just like here, it's not the pancakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really surprised at how easy it is for people on here to tell others to walk away from a marriage.

Didn't any of you take your vows seriously? For better or for worse?

I don't know if I could say calling a spouse "lazy" is verbal abuse. It is incredibly rude and hurtful and is not the way you should talk to anyone, let alone your spouse. Maybe OPs DH is having some other things going on right now and freaked out, but the answer is not to "leave". Jeez.

I would suggest finding time, alone, to talk to him and say "Hey, what you said was really mean and unnecessary. What is going on?

One of those vows is to love, honor and cherish. How is the spouse who is regularly criticizing the other as lazy for making his breakfast holding up his vows? I agree that every slight should not result in divorce. OP needs to call him out on that. AND at some point you have to stop and say enough is enough. No one signs up for a life of criticism and belittling.

[Anonymous]

Clearly this is about more than just pancakes. Before you divorce this asshole and leave a 5 foot pile of pancakes on the table, you may just want to find out what really is bugging him. Heaven forbid if this asshole had a bad day (or days) and something about the inadequacy of breakfast from this saint-woman-mother-wife made him lose it.

Should a husband every tell his wife she's lazy? Of course not. But to the PPs saying he's abusive and divorce him- overreact much?!?

[Anonymous]

Because marriage vows are only for the benefit of the asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave. And on the day you move out, leave a HUGE stack of pancakes on the table.

This.

Life is too short to be married to an asshole. You can do so much better.

[Anonymous]

Huh? Your spouse is a grown man. He can make his own breakfast.

[Anonymous]

I'm calling BS.

She's working 7 days a week, double shifts, and cooking a 4 course breakfast? Maybe if she wasn't so busy trolling DCUM she'd have time to make enough pancakes to keep her man happy.

[Anonymous]

My only questions is OP what did you say to him? I would have taken the breakfast and thrown it in the trash and then told him what he can do with his lazy. I mean are you just standing there trying not to cry? I hope you are standing up to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because marriage vows are only for the benefit of the asshole.

If this is how you view marriage, you are either
A. Single
B. About to end yours, or
C. Already on your fourth one.

Scary and sad view to have!