Entitled step-mom annoys the hell out of me.

[Anonymous]

The door issue - I'm not going to bitch over a guy opening doors for me. Not a big deal. Doesn't mean those guys weren't 'raised right' as a pp said.

[Anonymous]

Annoying, yes but you are bring petty. Take it as a compliment that she likes the way that your DW prepares steak. You would bring something anyway, so why not steak. As for the beer glasses and robes - I wish my dad was still alive to leave things at my house. Just let it go....

[Anonymous]

Who cares if it ruins your relationship with your dad, it is his fault for marrying her, and if he thinks she is great, then you do not need to see him.

Or you could visit their house and not say anything to her.

[Anonymous]

“That’s right Tommy, tell Daddy you’re feeding me wrong.” And you say, "that's very rude and uncalled for".

"considering ... staying at a hotel" Of course you should stay at a hotel. Don't consider anything else. You control how much you see them. You don't take orders from her re: steak or anything else.

"I’m going to call my dad, and tell him that he needs to talk to her" This will do no good. And it would wear-off anyway.

Take control as an equal. Don't put up with crap. Always have a way to politely leave the scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your dad that you plan to stand up for yourself and to stop giving in to her passive aggressive manipulation. If you are traveling somewhere and she wants you to open the door for her, then get in the driver's seat, start the car, roll down the window and ask her to step into the car because you're waiting for her to get in. If she tries to make you open the door, let her know that it is her decision, but you plan to drive in 30 seconds with or without her. If she makes backhanded comments to your children such as "Tell Mommy that she is feeding you wrong." Just look at her and tell her that she should stop confusing your son with her quaint (or strange) ideas. I will sometimes look at a person and say "I'm sorry, but that's not how we're raising our son. Please don't confuse him. Tommy just remember how we do things at home." For the glasses that she brought to your house, leave them on the counter when they come to visit and when she asks about them, tell her that there wasn't room for them in the freezer and she should feel free to use your chilled glasses and that she's welcome to take hers home with her. Don't shop for the steaks and if she asks about them, tell her that you just didn't have time to shop since you have a young child, but if she didn't have time to prepare anything, you all can go out for dinner.

Start treating her like a 3 year old who is testing your limits. Put firm boundaries in place and follow through. Give her only choices that you want and do not offer her other options. She only has as much control (especially in your house and with your child) as you let her.

+1000

This is the best post yet!!

[Anonymous]

Gambit wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Start treating her like a 3 year old who is testing your limits. Put firm boundaries in place and follow through. Give her only choices that you want and do not offer her other options. She only has as much control (especially in your house and with your child) as you let her.

+1 lock the thread! No need for anyone else to post because this here is the answer. Print this out, post it on your mirror and carry it in your purse. Excellent PP!

To clarify. I’m not a woman, I don’t have a purse. Not sure DW would take to kindly to me wearing women’s apparel. :-p

You are right. I need to start setting some boundaries.
To answer other responses. There’s more I just pointed out the things that were getting to me lately.

The thing with the car door, I didn’t care when it was my dad opening her door. I would even open it on occasion when his hands are full and she just sitting there useless.
It only bothered me when she and I went somewhere, and she expecting the same princess treatment from me.

The reason why all of this has come to a head is because I finally realized that she’s getting increasingly pushy about her entitlement.
Before DW and I moved to NY, my dad gave us a waffle iron as a present. It wasn’t until recently that she actually said, I made sure he got you guys the waffle iron that I wanted you to have, for the type of waffles I like.

A few months back, when they came down for a visit, they left behind two bath robes in the guest room closet.
Then it’s the Beer glasses she wants me to store in my freezer for her. Never mind the fact that my pint glasses are the exact same size and shape.
And then then the steak thing was just over the top.

To answer someone else’s response about how since we didn’t like the way she cooked steak, she offered for us to season it the way we like it.
No that was not the case. They never cook dinner for us. We always order out when we go there. She loves the way DW makes steak. She pan sears the steak with a special sauce she makes and it’s awesome. So SM loves the way DW makes the steak. DW gave her the recipe, but we never asked them to make steak for us when we visit. She called and asked us to buy, pre-marinade, and freeze the steaks to bring up with us to cook for them when we got to her house! Again I say WTF?!?

Oh and no, she does not have kids of her own. So maybe she is secretly jealous about not being married and never having had kids. I don’t even care about that. I always knew she was a but pushy and entitled, but It never effected me, so I ignored it. I only care now because she’s saying and doing things that directly effect me. And with each incident, she’s escalating. I feel it’s time to put a stop to things before they escalate out of hand. That’s always my logical advice to people.
Don’t let little annoyances add up to the point where you’re unreasonably blowing up at someone over something minor. Take them aside and let them know so that maybe the little annoyances can cease. and not become major problems.

Sorry about your troubles. Can you post the receipe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's take this one at a time:

-- The beer glass. I don't see this as her telling you your glasses aren't good enough. She wants to drink her beer out of a specific glass. So what? Big deal.

-- Ditto the car door thing. Okay, she's a princess. That doesn't affect you.

-- On the other hand, with her commenting on your parenting, you have every right to be annoyed. I would respond every time she does it. "Linda, we have this." Don't say anything else.

-- The steak thing, it sounds like she knows you don't like the way your dad fixes steak, so she's offering to let you bring your own and cook it the way you like for yourselves...not for her. If you don't want to take her up on the offer, don't.

You don't like the woman. We get it. But pick your battles.

Agree with all of this. First world problems.

To be honest, I was totally confused reading your post because you sound like a teenage girl. I would call you a pussy but it would be an insult to the vaginas of the world. Seriously, stop. Take her as she is for the few hours a year you have to be in her presence. And maybe volunteer with disadvantaged children to learn to let go of the petty annoyances in life.

[Anonymous]

Zombie(ish) thread. Although I'd be interested in an update from the OP now that the visit he was writing about has likely happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your dad that you plan to stand up for yourself and to stop giving in to her passive aggressive manipulation. If you are traveling somewhere and she wants you to open the door for her, then get in the driver's seat, start the car, roll down the window and ask her to step into the car because you're waiting for her to get in. If she tries to make you open the door, let her know that it is her decision, but you plan to drive in 30 seconds with or without her. If she makes backhanded comments to your children such as "Tell Mommy that she is feeding you wrong." Just look at her and tell her that she should stop confusing your son with her quaint (or strange) ideas. I will sometimes look at a person and say "I'm sorry, but that's not how we're raising our son. Please don't confuse him. Tommy just remember how we do things at home." For the glasses that she brought to your house, leave them on the counter when they come to visit and when she asks about them, tell her that there wasn't room for them in the freezer and she should feel free to use your chilled glasses and that she's welcome to take hers home with her. Don't shop for the steaks and if she asks about them, tell her that you just didn't have time to shop since you have a young child, but if she didn't have time to prepare anything, you all can go out for dinner.

Start treating her like a 3 year old who is testing your limits. Put firm boundaries in place and follow through. Give her only choices that you want and do not offer her other options. She only has as much control (especially in your house and with your child) as you let her.

+1 lock the thread! No need for anyone else to post because this here is the answer. Print this out, post it on your mirror and carry it in your purse. Excellent PP!

Love this. PP must be a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Wait, she has never had kids and is giving parenting advice? Talk about setting boundaries. If you can get her to shut up about that stuff (by telling your dad that it is very annoying and judge mental with no basis) then the rest you will probably be able to manage as annoying parent crap. Like the steak: "great idea! Not going to work so we will bring the kids instead and order pizza when we get there." I mean, what can she do? Clearly she frets about this much more than you do. For gods sake, you have kids so I think it is very unlikely you'd think about what you're eating for dinner...in a week...regardless of where you are. And buying stuff to leave in your house? Yeah, this is the step mom version of leaving something behind at your boyfriend's house so you have an excuse to come back.

[Anonymous]

She sounds awful, OP. I would stay at a hotel to minimize contact with her.

How does your DW cook steaks??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: And buying stuff to leave in your house? Yeah, this is the step mom version of leaving something behind at your boyfriend's house so you have an excuse to come back.

Agreed ! Just the idea of someone leaving stuff in my house, for their future visits, would not be acceptable to me. The work to manage a house with the chaos that comes with children is staggering. We have to regularly donate items to maintain some semblance of order and sanity, as we have very little storage. What happens if one of her precious glasses gets broken?

Until you have children, you really have no idea how wild the days and nights are... As other posters have mentioned, and you know, she has no clue, and you do have to set boundaries.

I have a SM who would give me gifts related to her visits. One Christmas, I got a nice air mattress. I was thrilled, bc she normally got me $1 -$5 from IKEA that were random and obviously just something inexpensive she could give me so that she didn't actually have to think about an thoughtful gift. Then there were special coffee mugs. Again, I was touched. Then robes. This confused me, as I was dating, but it wasn't serious, and I didn't understand the gift. Twice they came down to visit, and since I had a studio, I actually stayed with a friend.

As I called from work, she said "Oh well your father are I really enjoying our visit, with the robes, the coffee mugs. But you know we got you the airmattress so we could all stay together, and we are very hurt that you stayed elsewhere. You have a beautiful apartment! We are looking forward to our visits!

I realized in fact that all of her gifts were her attempt to outfit their visits. I was single and 28, but working long hours and could not stomach the idea of any of it. I explained that I wouldn't be able to get ready for work stepping over them and their luggage in my tiny apartment, and left it there. I just stopped inviting them. I don't think it was the best choice, but at the same time, I couldn't get involved in the back and forth regarding other options / directions.

All of this is to say, you've got to draw the line where you can comfortably manage it.

[Anonymous]

Just ignore her and say "mhm" to everything, but dont be scared of her or anything shes the annoying person and u gotta do something to make it stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ignore her and say "mhm" to everything, but dont be scared of her or anything shes the annoying person and u gotta do something to make it stop

I'm sure the OP who posted a year and a half ago will appreciate this advice. Why the hell are you digging up old threads?

[Anonymous]

What a classy broad. She brings her own beer mug.