Being a Single Parent: Does $$ Make it Better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent and while it's nice that I never have to convince someone else that my idea really IS the best decision, it's on me to ALWAYS come up with a decision and solve every problem, big and small.

Would money make life a lot easier? Absolutely. It frays my nerves to have no privacy (my bedroom is the living room, my bed is the couch). But money can't create time. And when I'm home sick I can't see how money would help, because DD would still be coming to me to give her dinner.

Of course it would help because then all you'd have to do is warm up the dinner someone else has made for you guys, not force yourself to the stove.

[Anonymous]

Money would help me hire a babysitter so when I am sick, I don't have to risk passing out from getting out of bed to do x,y.z.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Every single mother I knew always made it sound like it was such a struggle. But reading that post (and thinking of the former co-worker I just ran into) got me to thinking: Is single parenting really not as hard as we think it is if you have the financial resources? (Frankly I used to think Co-worker was chipper at work but miserable at home or just hiding her pain at work. Then someone pointed out 'Why wouldn't she be happy being able to take her child abroad just to shop (she did that when we worked together too), drive a luxury car, carry the most expensive handbags, etc?)

If you think you are the kind of person who needs money to be happy, then no amount of money will ever be enough and you cannot be a single mother
If you can be happy without a lot of money then you can be a single mother.
A trip abroad is not so expensive, there are good deals if you know where to look. Expensive handbags are important to some, but ebay sells them too and you do not have to pay retail. Kids can do well in school even if it is not the top school in the county
It can be done, if you want to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Every single mother I knew always made it sound like it was such a struggle. But reading that post (and thinking of the former co-worker I just ran into) got me to thinking: Is single parenting really not as hard as we think it is if you have the financial resources? (Frankly I used to think Co-worker was chipper at work but miserable at home or just hiding her pain at work. Then someone pointed out 'Why wouldn't she be happy being able to take her child abroad just to shop (she did that when we worked together too), drive a luxury car, carry the most expensive handbags, etc?)

If you think you are the kind of person who needs money to be happy, then no amount of money will ever be enough and you cannot be a single mother
If you can be happy without a lot of money then you can be a single mother.
A trip abroad is not so expensive, there are good deals if you know where to look. Expensive handbags are important to some, but ebay sells them too and you do not have to pay retail. Kids can do well in school even if it is not the top school in the county
It can be done, if you want to do it.

That is true, but I certainly think that having the extra money to do those things (going abroad, handbags, etc) makes life so much easier even if it is on a discount. And I'd love love love to find a cheap way to take my family to places like Egypt and Australia and Asia just to go Christmas shopping. I can't afford it with two incomes.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Of course it's better but it is still hard, really hard. Everything is on you. A close friend is a FT single mom with means (as in significant) and it's a marathon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Of course it's better but it is still hard, really hard. Everything is on you. A close friend is a FT single mom with means (as in significant) and it's a marathon.

That mother needs to use some of her significant means to create a support system (nanny, housekeeper, chef, etc). Or she can build one without the money. I'm certain there are other single mothers, nice couples who would gladly pitch in and help. Parents carpool children all the time so that it's not a marathon for anyone. She should really look into it.

And of course we know that everyone's situation is different. I'd never suggest single parenting is a cake walk because it was easy for my co-worker, and I no longer think it's hell on earth because of the experiences of some of the posters here. Like everything else in life, it is what you make it.

And there are married couples who consider raising children a marathon.

[Anonymous]

22:18 / OP My friend is fine with the marathon. My point was the being the sole adult responsible for a child and running a household and working is a marathon even with funds. Funds help, for sure.

I'm not following your interest in this issue.

I also think your co-worker might be putting on a happy face. Lots of single mothers I know do.

[Anonymous]

Sort of confused by the OPs interest. Single mothers are people. They are not all the same so it seems like a naïve question. Um, are all married people happy?

Single mother here who is solidly middle class and basically comfortable but still stresses about money. I AM happy about 85 percent of the time because my kid is a delight and all the big components of a good life ... health, job, etc. are in place, even if it is a juggle. Dating would be nice but it seems like one more job at this point.
For me the absolute hardest thing is the simple fact that everything is on me and it is a huge responsibility. Sometimes I feel so busy I feel like I don't enjoy the moments enough. But I'm a normal person with a full life, etc. you never know what anyone is going through and I have no doubt lots of married people have struggles bigger than mine.

Children of single parents do fine. The stats you see fail to factor in that many single parents are single because the other parent is in jail. But if you have a decent home life and support system.

Seems sort of insulting that you'd be surprised to see a single person happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:18 / OP My friend is fine with the marathon. My point was the being the sole adult responsible for a child and running a household and working is a marathon even with funds. Funds help, for sure.

I'm not following your interest in this issue.

I also think your co-worker might be putting on a happy face. Lots of single mothers I know do.

How do you know they're putting on a happy face?

Just a rhetorical. You don't have to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sort of confused by the OPs interest. Single mothers are people. They are not all the same so it seems like a naïve question. Um, are all married people happy?

Single mother here who is solidly middle class and basically comfortable but still stresses about money. I AM happy about 85 percent of the time because my kid is a delight and all the big components of a good life ... health, job, etc. are in place, even if it is a juggle. Dating would be nice but it seems like one more job at this point.
For me the absolute hardest thing is the simple fact that everything is on me and it is a huge responsibility. Sometimes I feel so busy I feel like I don't enjoy the moments enough. But I'm a normal person with a full life, etc. you never know what anyone is going through and I have no doubt lots of married people have struggles bigger than mine.

Children of single parents do fine. The stats you see fail to factor in that many single parents are single because the other parent is in jail. But if you have a decent home life and support system.

Seems sort of insulting that you'd be surprised to see a single person happy.

OP here.

Don't shoot me, but my interest comes from that late in life epiphany that being a single parent is not a struggle through hell on earth for everyone, as I'd initially been led to believe.

Frankly, this is one situation in which I'm thrilled to know I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Money definitely makes it easier, but you don't have to be rich.

There are a lot of variables, though. I was happy when I was a single mom-- we were financially comfortable and her dad was involved but not a PITA. I had much more freedom and days off when I was a single mom of 1 than now, when I'm a married mom of 3.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom of 1 abroad now with a nanny, driver, housekeeper, garden. A well-intentioned neighbor said today that she doesn't know how I do it all. I don't! This is super easy. 2-3 nights a week, dinner is already on the table when I arrive home. I go out on dates and with other single people here and there. Life is really easy.

When we were in DC, things were really hard when DC was under 2, but I see my married friends struggling through that as well. Once DC was 3, life because uber easy (we were still in DC). I had family around and my ex. I had time to work out, date, and see my friends. DC and I had alot of fun together and still do. I had close friends with kids the same ages as DC, so we could hang out together.

My mom was much happier post-divorce. She's really helpful and understands it all. I make more overseas, but my base in <70K and we lived just fine on that in DC. It seems like those with more disposable income worry about money far more. My mom raised happy kids on much less, so I don't feel compelled to spend what I don't have.

I'm used to doing the heavy lifting, so I don't have anything to compare it to. Ignorance is bliss, right?

[Anonymous]

***excuse the typos, i'm falling asleep as i type this lol***

[Anonymous]

Money would make it ease some stresses for us. Frankly, there are some parts of our lives that money would not make better. There are moments when I just want downtime. Read a book, watch tv... while someone who loves my son plays with him. I have my shortcomings. Having the father here would perhaps balance out my reserved, thinking nature with more 'do, talk, be loud'.

I am grateful I don't need to have regular negotiations about daily decisions.

[Anonymous]

Single parenting is tough, but parenting when a marriage is failing is even tougher.