Sick of mania FB posts of manic sister-in-law - she's having a bad episode

[Anonymous]

OP, the first example you give (second wedding) is so clearly mental illness, why would you take offense unless you are in 9th grade? You are hopelessly immature and so completely without compassion for her.

And the second example. Just to ruin your plans? No, I think not.

[Anonymous]

Block you SIL on facebook or hide her feed. I would be irritated seeing her posts too. Try to keep drama-filled, mentally unstable people out of your life as much as possible. It makes like simpler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the first example you give (second wedding) is so clearly mental illness, why would you take offense unless you are in 9th grade? You are hopelessly immature and so completely without compassion for her.

And the second example. Just to ruin your plans? No, I think not.

Really? because nobody in her entire family or DH's entire family saw it that way. And I am not. I see her trying to get my wedding canceled to have a 2nd one on my wedding day, in my wedding town/state (flying everyone in) as just a complete bitch move. I mean, do you work in mental health? I do. What would the diagnosis be for being a bitch? That is aside from her being in a manic phase right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block you SIL on facebook or hide her feed. I would be irritated seeing her posts too. Try to keep drama-filled, mentally unstable people out of your life as much as possible. It makes like simpler.

Agree with thus. But I wouldn't block her. That will just create additional drams. Just hide her posts so that you don't see them. She'll still see you and you will still be "friends".

You can keep the drama out if your life while still showing compassion.

[Anonymous]

I would like to see from those who declare OP has to show "compassion" (*) for the mentally ill ... what, exactly, are the responsibilities of the mentally ill person?

I mean, physical illness has a range of treatments, and we seem free to declare someone a dumbass if they're (for example) diabetic and still pile on the carbs. Are mentally ill people given a plenary exemption from the consequences of their actions?

(*) I really hope that amounts to more than just "put up with the mentally ill relative."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

Honestly, there is nothing I can do unless I want to start WWIII. And SIL lives across the country. I do feel very sorry for her son. It is hard to have compassion for somebody who tries to ruin your wedding, your vacations, and just sabatoge or compete with everything you do, so not only is she manic, she is a b-.

For instance, when we set the date to get married (months after their wedding), she decided she wanted to fly her family here, to NoVA, to have a second wedding the weekend of my wedding, and suggested I just cancel my wedding and have it next year and that everyone was sooooo excited to go to her humungous (sp?) second wedding reception that was going to be soooo much bigger than whatever I was planning for my wedding, and that mine would be pathetic, etc.

Need I say more?

Oh, this summer, we planned a week off in August, and invited FIL to also take off and planned to have him stay here for a few days (from NYC).

So SIL goes and buys him a ticket to see her that week - even though she was working. Just to ruin some of our plans. She gets off on it. I dont get it.

Yes, these are things that truly do indicate she's mentally ill; she clearly thinks she competes with other people in every aspect of life. This would be enough to drive anyone away, even if it is mental illness that deserves compassion. It's just a lot to to have to keep being compassionate about. While I thought from the initial post that you need more understanding here, I do get that she has truly intervened in ways that have gone beyond anyone's compassion.

OP, where is your husband in all this?? You mention FIL so I assume this SIL is your husband's sister--?? If that is the case, is he among those denying she's this sick? Can he at least acknowledge that her behaviors are totally unacceptable, even if he refuses to see that she is ill? Does he insist she's not that bad and he maintains contact with her, or does he not speak to her, or...what? I would want my husband in that situation to have our family's back on things like the visit from FIL-- husband should have told his dad, first, don't tell sister you are coming here or she will try to interfere; and second, when sister did interfere, husband should have talked to dad and made clear that your entire family made plans around FIL's trip BEFORE sister got her hooks into things, and you expect to see him at your door, etc. It sounds like some family members cater to her. Is that true?

If husband just sits there and caves on all her doings and says "Oh, well, thats her," wow, how sad for all of you. You can't fight a mentally ill, untreated person on this stuff as she will forever believe she is right, right, right. But your husband and his relatives COULD learn just to never tell her their movements or plans so she doesn't leap in to thwart things. She will figure out plans are being made without her being consulted and she'll get mad. Well, that may be the price to pay for keeping her from ruining events and plans. I really would find ways to keep her out of the loop until things are already over, such as planned visits.

As for the wedding, her stuff was so transparently sick and attention-getting that I hope her "second wedding" scheme never came off -- did her husband actually support doing that to you?? What did happen? I'm figuring your weddinig went forward as planned and she didn't come, or came and was huffy throughout....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

Honestly, there is nothing I can do unless I want to start WWIII. And SIL lives across the country. I do feel very sorry for her son. It is hard to have compassion for somebody who tries to ruin your wedding, your vacations, and just sabatoge or compete with everything you do, so not only is she manic, she is a b-.

For instance, when we set the date to get married (months after their wedding), she decided she wanted to fly her family here, to NoVA, to have a second wedding the weekend of my wedding, and suggested I just cancel my wedding and have it next year and that everyone was sooooo excited to go to her humungous (sp?) second wedding reception that was going to be soooo much bigger than whatever I was planning for my wedding, and that mine would be pathetic, etc.

Need I say more?

Oh, this summer, we planned a week off in August, and invited FIL to also take off and planned to have him stay here for a few days (from NYC).

So SIL goes and buys him a ticket to see her that week - even though she was working. Just to ruin some of our plans. She gets off on it. I dont get it.

Yes, these are things that truly do indicate she's mentally ill; she clearly thinks she competes with other people in every aspect of life. This would be enough to drive anyone away, even if it is mental illness that deserves compassion. It's just a lot to to have to keep being compassionate about. While I thought from the initial post that you need more understanding here, I do get that she has truly intervened in ways that have gone beyond anyone's compassion.

OP, where is your husband in all this?? You mention FIL so I assume this SIL is your husband's sister--?? If that is the case, is he among those denying she's this sick? Can he at least acknowledge that her behaviors are totally unacceptable, even if he refuses to see that she is ill? Does he insist she's not that bad and he maintains contact with her, or does he not speak to her, or...what? I would want my husband in that situation to have our family's back on things like the visit from FIL-- husband should have told his dad, first, don't tell sister you are coming here or she will try to interfere; and second, when sister did interfere, husband should have talked to dad and made clear that your entire family made plans around FIL's trip BEFORE sister got her hooks into things, and you expect to see him at your door, etc. It sounds like some family members cater to her. Is that true?

If husband just sits there and caves on all her doings and says "Oh, well, thats her," wow, how sad for all of you. You can't fight a mentally ill, untreated person on this stuff as she will forever believe she is right, right, right. But your husband and his relatives COULD learn just to never tell her their movements or plans so she doesn't leap in to thwart things. She will figure out plans are being made without her being consulted and she'll get mad. Well, that may be the price to pay for keeping her from ruining events and plans. I really would find ways to keep her out of the loop until things are already over, such as planned visits.

As for the wedding, her stuff was so transparently sick and attention-getting that I hope her "second wedding" scheme never came off -- did her husband actually support doing that to you?? What did happen? I'm figuring your weddinig went forward as planned and she didn't come, or came and was huffy throughout....?

SIL is DH's brother's wife. They met in an AA meeting (him for crack, her for alcohol). They were engaged 3 weeks later. Then she realized she is not an addict (ugh!). DH is totally in agreement that she is nuts but doesn't want to tell his brother that hi wife need mental help. Sadly, we are hoping that she hits rock bottom so that we can do an intervention, and if not, so at least DH's brother can figure this out and leave her. But for now, because of his dysfunction, I think he doesn't realize she is in mania and he finds her mania to be intoxicating or exciting.

[Anonymous]

Narcissism is a mental disease as well. If you have ever had a co-worker that suffers from this you can understand why there is little sympathy. I think this chick sound like a narcissist rather than bipolar.

Call child services for the kid maybe the grandparents will take notice then. I feel for the child.

[Anonymous]

Agree a pp that this does not sound episodic enough for bipolar. Much more personality disorder. Banning her on FB and being upfront with the ILs about it would be a great first step for op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism is a mental disease as well. If you have ever had a co-worker that suffers from this you can understand why there is little sympathy. I think this chick sound like a narcissist rather than bipolar.

Call child services for the kid maybe the grandparents will take notice then. I feel for the child.

I agree, this sounds more like Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder (or both), than bipolar.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't sit by while my nephew suffered like that. And as a child of an alcoholic, I can't tell you how much I wanted someone to step in and help me but no one did. Even though they knew what was going on.