Afraid of leaving DC for the burbs bc think I'll lose my whole social circle. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

They will come out once for a housewarming party. They may come out for major events. These are not people that you will see on a weekly or monthly basis anymore unless you drive into DC.

[Anonymous]

As someone said above, your group of friends is not cast in stone for the rest of your days. Even if you were to stay put, your friends would probably start moving and then you'd be the one not terribly interested in heading out to Vienna to see them. Life changes. The best ones you'll hang onto, and you'll make new friends in the next chapters of your life.

[Anonymous]

We moved from to DC to close in MD. All of my friends eventually moved from DC to Alexandria so seeing them is difficult and has, sadly, become more and more rare. On the up side, I have made a lot of new friends in my neighborhood and am very grateful for that but I am jealous that all of my old friends see each other a lot more often than I see them. As a pp noted, I think they just assume I won't make the trip so don't even bother inviting me. Nonetheless, I have no desire to live in Alexandria, so that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will come out once for a housewarming party. They may come out for major events. These are not people that you will see on a weekly or monthly basis anymore unless you drive into DC.

This. We made this move to Arlington two years ago. We still see the party-oriented friends--we make an effort to come to their DC parties, they make an effort to come to ours. But what it really did was strengthen my friendships with VA people who it's now much easier to see, and open me up ththe world of people who made the move in previous years and are now my neighbors. Look for neighborhoods that have listservs, associations, elementary schools, babysitting co-ops. Mine in S. Arlington has all that.

[Anonymous]

I live in Alexandria and we don't even see our friends who moved to N. Arlington. (S. Arlington, yes.) That's one thing I don't love about living here. Move one town over and you may as well disappear off the face of the earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's my story - have lived in DC almost ten years, all of it in Dupont Circle. DH and I both are at work in under 30 minutes. We now have 2 kids, one in a good public elementary school, one not in school yet. We are currently renting a "big enough" apartment and really like DC's school but it's not what I want forever. I can't afford a house in my current neighborhood and probably wouldn't want one because our middle school and high school options are bad and we can't afford/aren't interested in private school. What I want is a nice, normal house with a yard in a good neighborhood with good public schools that does not give me or DH a long commute (both downtown). That's probably not doable on my budget ($800,000ish).

So, that means I probably have to go to the close in suburbs, maybe even farther out ones. Here's my big concern - do I have to completely remake my social life? Most of my friends live in the district - Chevy Chase DC is about as far as anyone is from me. Several on Capitol Hill. Have tons of friends in my neighborhood and love going out to dinner with them (am in walking distance to all the restaurants on 14th street). DH has more friends in the burbs than I do but most of them are in Virginia and when I go out there, it seems far. My DC friends all complain about having to leave the district for anything.

I am honestly not trying to start a war about whether DC, MD, or VA is better - I just want to hear from people who have left DC about whether they had to make all new friends in the new location, whether MD or VA. Thanks.

This was just us a year ago and in general I will say yes, you basically do. At least for the "see them once or more a week" kind of friends. Not even because DC people "don't want to come to the burbs" (though you'll find some of that) but because, other than weekends, it's just not really practical. Especially if said friends work in the District like most of ours do -- either I have pick up my kids in VA and then make my way to the city or they're doing the reverse (with rush hour traffic mind you). And as kids get older and have more commitments on the weekends it's even less feasible. One of the ways we often saw our friends was because of sports practice and games, when you move you'll be on different teams so you don't even have that (but can with new friends).

It's a little sad and not what you were looking to hear I'm sure but it has been our experience. And we were in DC longer than you (FWIW). It's not that we aren't friends with our DC friends anymore, it's just that we only see them occasionally. Life takes over, it happens.

This was EXACTLY our experience. And it is a little sad, but we've made new friends, too, and honestly almost everything else about our move has been positive, so I have made my peace.

We are in Arlington FWIW.

[Anonymous]

We still see our friends on Dc often, and they come out to us. But we are close by in Bethesda. We don't cross bridges to Va nearly as often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We still see our friends on Dc often, and they come out to us. But we are close by in Bethesda. We don't cross bridges to Va nearly as often.

I am the exact opposite. Most of my friends live in Arlington And I just moved to Dc ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op-- we moved to a close-in, walkable neighborhood.

Now- i don't want to drive or metro anywhere. It is just so convenient (especially when you are drinking) to keep it local.

You may find that YOU are the one that changes. You might find that going into the city seems like a hassle and be just like the people that find coming into VA a hassle.

I now think of going 10-15 miles---as a long trip. I hate getting in my car.

That said--for good friends--we BOTH take the hit. One of the benefits of my move is I now have a great spare bedroom off a rec room that dc friends and family have been known to crash and then do brunch in the morning.

You can't build your life around others because one day they may decide to up and move.

What happened during your childhood that you hate cars? Cars not inanimate objects. You should seek help for that fear.

I was stuck in the fucking suburbs and bored off my ass.

Funny I was stuck in the Wendy's on Bladensburg RD In the heart of DC celebrating all the urban excitement...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - thanks, all! What I want to know is how I can find a house on a street with young families and block parties and great new friends like a couple of the PPs. Either of you want to post your neighborhood? And the PP who said that I'll still see the good friends and the peripheral ones will fade is wise and I'm sure that's true. It just seems like such a massive change that I'm not sure I'm ready for yet. But I know I need to do it in the near future.

Are you all happier in your new houses with space and a yard? Any regrets?

SFH neighborhoods in walkable areas tend to attract social people. Higher density causes more interaction. Throw in a good public school and it will be teeming with families that wanted a little more yard than a rowhouse provides.

We were thrilled with our new house and yard (not too big that yardwork isn't a big deal). Kids go to the park a lot. Having a place where guests could park (I still need to give them parking hangers) but they aren't circling around the neighborhood for a 1/2 hour looking for a spot--is fabulous.

We have more to walk to now than I did before and I was in an active part of NW. Metro and all amenities (gyms, grocerys, bars, restaurants, parks, movie theather, drycleaners, coffee shops, some retail, hair salons, oil changes (means a lot when you can walk home after dropping it off), dentist, nail salons, massage center, etc., etc. are all within a few blocks...yet the neighborhood itself manages to retain some of suburbia.

Not the OP but what neighborhood is this? Do people have recs for good close-in neighborhoods that are friendly and social?

The problem is that you can't get in any of the close-in neighborhoods like this for under $1.1 million for a starter home (think tiny and needs work). You have to be away from those amenities for something affordable. We found stayin put in our DC condo was the only option or we would not being able to walk to much and the lifestyle would be so different.

We were just in a bidding war for 1,000 square feet, only partially renovated. 10 offers the week before Xmas-all cash offers. This was in Clarendon. It went for over $1.1. There is no inventory and nobody moves.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Can you trade a livable, walkable city neighborhood for an hour drive to the store, keg parties, gun racks and WMI wingnuts?

No kidding, here's the Western MD Initiative FB page: https://www.facebook.com/FreeWesternMaryland

[Anonymous]

We didn't notice much of a change. When we lived in DC, we only saw our good friends (10+ years) once a month anyway so moving to the burbs was no big deal on either side. We rarely/never see old neighborhood acquaintances since the move, but our hood was pretty transient and I think we all realized we were friends out of convenience.

To be honest I'm impressed you all are able to get together with your friends so often. Busy schedules make it so difficult, even when we lived 2 miles away. If I saw the same friend twice in one month I'd be shocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will come out once for a housewarming party. They may come out for major events. These are not people that you will see on a weekly or monthly basis anymore unless you drive into DC.

This. We made this move to Arlington two years ago. We still see the party-oriented friends--we make an effort to come to their DC parties, they make an effort to come to ours. But what it really did was strengthen my friendships with VA people who it's now much easier to see, and open me up ththe world of people who made the move in previous years and are now my neighbors. Look for neighborhoods that have listservs, associations, elementary schools, babysitting co-ops. Mine in S. Arlington has all that.

Can you give some examples of S. Arligton neighborhoods with lots of families, associations, block parties etc? We just moved to N Arligton with a toddler and quickly realized we probably can't afford a house anywhere around here. I son'y know much about S Arlington yet.

[Anonymous]

Barcroft in S. Arlington is great. Very social, tons of families, block happy hours, etc...

[Anonymous]

You will lose your social circle. Meaning, your acquaintances who are based on convenience, location, ease of getting together will naturally fall away. That only makes sense. In addition, there are plenty of DC people who will scoff at you for moving to the burbs - makes no difference if it is CCDC, Bethesda, Arlington, etc. They will turn on you for going burn. The question for you is whether you care. You are at a point in life where you need to do what is best for your family. You will most likely wind up in the burbs like so many before you. And, guess what? You will become friends with these people and they will be your new circle.
All that said, it was surprising and disappointing when we moved about 4 miles from DC into MD and people acted like we were moving to Kansas. Some still take every opportunity to mention how "far" out we are and ask about our 'hood like it is mars. Weird DC behavior.