Email and texting etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

Keep your money, bitch. No one deserves to be manipulated or threatened, especially by the people who are supposed to care the most for them and have their best interests at heart.

Respect is earned. Love is unconditional. Manners are learned. Decency comes from within.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

For issues that feel really require a response, why don't you say something like:

"I found a navy dress that would be great for the wedding, if you and your mom are OK with the color. I'm planning to order it on Wednesday, unless you tell me otherwise."

I'm not great at responding to texts, but messages like these catch my attention because they have deadlines for action.

I would never do this. The MOB takes the lead and your suggestion would be pushy.

Personally, I'm really surprised anybody is actually saying the MIL's clothing matters. I never once thought about that (we had a little backyard wedding, very casual so maybe it just didn't come up). But I'll tell you, if my MIL or my own mom were asking me about the colors of their dresses, I would have been really annoyed. OP, maybe your DIL is like me... I was easily overwhelmed by the details of planning my wedding. Adding totally unnecessary decisions to my to-do list (like deciding on MIL's dress color) would have grated on me no end.

If there are other more important wedding things you're being left out of, and you feel you're pestering your DIL and her mother with texts and emails, you could try talking to your son about it. No whining or guilt-tripping. Just say you want to be sure you're all on the same page with this wedding planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

+1

Let em amend my +1 -- I agree with the respect part, not the part about the money. I just think a lot of the people who responded on here sound very self-absorbed and not at all respectful of their parents. Like it or not, weddings are public events that involve extended family. It's not just a big excuse for a lavish party and a chance for the bride to be "queen for the day." I blame shows like "Say Yes to the Dress" and celebrity wedding coverage. We've misplaced what's truly important. Just my opinion and I'll get off my soapbox now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

Two thoughts:

Respect is earned individually -- it shouldn't be given simply because of title, rank, age, etc. That is what leads to blindly following idiots.

Second, I'm not sure your comment about wills means nearly as much as you think it does. I don't give two shits what my parents do with their money and see zero reason why they shouldn't blow it all while alive. Our generation (the younger one, not your old generation) doesn't really count on inheritances the way yours did. So, politely, suck it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

Keep your money, bitch. No one deserves to be manipulated or threatened, especially by the people who are supposed to care the most for them and have their best interests at heart.

Respect is earned. Love is unconditional. Manners are learned. Decency comes from within.

This. My parents would never use their money to manipulate or punish me (because they are kind, loving parents) but I certainly don't expect to get a big inheritance or feel entitled to it. It's their money, and I hope they spend it having a good time in their retirement years. They've certainly earned it. People who go on about how they are entitled to respect "no matter what" get none from me. My parents have earned every iota of my respect and love. They also treat me with respect, so we have an awesome, affectionate, close relationship. Keep your money--it can't buy you love, and when you're dead, you won't be able to enjoy seeing your children wail and gnash their teeth because you cut them out of your will, so that will be some cold comfort.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread. Especially those responses that make future MIL seem instrusive or making it about her. My MIL and I are buds, but I can see why so many DIL/MIL relationships start off badly. People are assuming the worst intentions.

In my case, if I got a text like that from my MIL, I would assume the opposite. That she does not want to do anything that is objectionable to me and she just wants to make sure that the color she chose is acceptabe to me. I would tell her to wear what she wants but I would take it as deference to me and the occasion.

Man people sure have chips on their shoulders

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

Two thoughts:

Respect is earned individually -- it shouldn't be given simply because of title, rank, age, etc. That is what leads to blindly following idiots.

Second, I'm not sure your comment about wills means nearly as much as you think it does. I don't give two shits what my parents do with their money and see zero reason why they shouldn't blow it all while alive. Our generation (the younger one, not your old generation) doesn't really count on inheritances the way yours did. So, politely, suck it.

+1. PP: respectfully, suck it.

[Anonymous]

Face it, OP, but chances are your future DIL is a genuine, gold plated bitch. FWIW, i think you should wear red with black veil.

[Anonymous]

2 things:

You should respect your parents and your spouses parents simply because they are your parents. It is how the human race works.

Your parents can alter their wills based on how you have treated them in their older years......and you will never know it until they are dead. Not only is karma a bitch, but you get as good as you give. That is also how the human race works.

And remember, your kids are watching.

[Anonymous]

Slightly OT -- I have never sent a text message in my life and certainly would never respond to one. I rarely have my non-"smart" phone with I'm distressed by the idea that people might think I am "rude" because I choose not to use this particular mode of communication. I rarely have my (non-"smart") phone with me; I don't use it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slightly OT -- I have never sent a text message in my life and certainly would never respond to one. I rarely have my non-"smart" phone with I'm distressed by the idea that people might think I am "rude" because I choose not to use this particular mode of communication. I rarely have my (non-"smart") phone with me; I don't use it

It's not a good idea to go on the computer when you're drunk.

[Anonymous]

Your DIL might be working full time, late hours, stressful job etc all while planning the wedding. We don't know how supportive your son is with the planning & whether or not she has a wedding planner to take some of the load off.

My MIL is the most wonderful woman. She is a retired UN worker & we are expecting her 1st grandchild. Lots of free time on her hands, which is can see is frustrating her because she had a very dynamic career, travel, responsibilities etc. She also sends many emails & texts, but she understands that we both work and can't always respond immediately. Do you work OP? Give your DIL the benefit of the doubt, especially if you have a friendly personal relationship. Call her or your son after dinner if you have urgent concerns.

I don't even text or email my mom that often because of work. She is a career woman too & understands. We don't love or respect each other any less because of it. It's about quality not quantity.

A hearty LOL at the PP's will threat. I'm glad to have been raised to respect my elders without expecting something in return down the line. What a ghastly manipulative way to parent/exact revenge from beyond the grave. Not everyone these days is banking on their parents' wills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a simple difference of a a planner/communicater vs. a non planner/non communicater. I'm a communicate and when people don't respond, I take it personal.

I bet this is it.

[Anonymous]

I'll bet DIL mentions to your son "next time you talk to your Mom let her know xxx" and son doesn't tell you/talk to you.

It might be that DIL is trying to train (hate that word but I'm using it anyway) training your son to take the lead in communication with his side of the family.