Email and texting etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

Ok. My MIL also pestered me about her dress for the wedding. No one cares what you wear if you're not a brides maid. Sorry, but you need to have some introspective here. DIL is busy with the wedding plans and you bothering her with details that don't matter makes it seem like you're making this about you. That may not be your intention, but that's how it comes across.

[Anonymous]

Send her texts and emails and periodically (not too frequently) call her to confirm the things that you sent email/texts about. Plan to only get answers every couple of days or so. So, you send her a text about problem A, then about issue B, then about plan C. In a couple of days you call and say "So, is navy a good color for my dress? How about the corsages, I'll just them for both your mother and myself, okay? " and make the phone call quick. This helps her save time when she's busy. You send details via email/text so that she can review them when she has time and later, you just call and confirm so that you can keep the call short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

I don't mean this as harshly as it sounds, but as long as you don't wear white, black, or whatever color the bridesmaids are wearing nobody cares what color your dress is. Get navy blue if you want. It doesn't matter, this isn't about you.

[Anonymous]

I find it rude when texts aren't responded to so I understand where you're coming from. Lack of manners. I'd dial it back if she's not reciprocating.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a simple difference of a a planner/communicater vs. a non planner/non communicater. I'm a communicate and when people don't respond, I take it personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

I don't mean this as harshly as it sounds, but as long as you don't wear white, black, or whatever color the bridesmaids are wearing nobody cares what color your dress is. Get navy blue if you want. It doesn't matter, this isn't about you.

Actually, OP is right to ask. Usually the mom's of the b and g want to be in different colors, and one's separate from the bridal party. OP is doing the correct thing by asking. Hard to tell if it is annoying(i.e. is the wedding 1.5 years away?, did they just get engaged 2 weeks ago, etc)

OP, when is the wedding, when was the engagement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

For issues that feel really require a response, why don't you say something like:

"I found a navy dress that would be great for the wedding, if you and your mom are OK with the color. I'm planning to order it on Wednesday, unless you tell me otherwise."

I'm not great at responding to texts, but messages like these catch my attention because they have deadlines for action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

For issues that feel really require a response, why don't you say something like:

"I found a navy dress that would be great for the wedding, if you and your mom are OK with the color. I'm planning to order it on Wednesday, unless you tell me otherwise."

I'm not great at responding to texts, but messages like these catch my attention because they have deadlines for action.

I would never do this. The MOB takes the lead and your suggestion would be pushy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

For issues that feel really require a response, why don't you say something like:

"I found a navy dress that would be great for the wedding, if you and your mom are OK with the color. I'm planning to order it on Wednesday, unless you tell me otherwise."

I'm not great at responding to texts, but messages like these catch my attention because they have deadlines for action.

I would never do this. The MOB takes the lead and your suggestion would be pushy.

But the navy dress is for OP to wear and can't get DIL or MOB to rrespond to her. Other PPs seem to think it doesn't matter what MOG wears anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses! Right now I am working on my dress. I am not getting any feedback from the brides mom....she is very busy. I think I am going to stop trying and get myself a nice navy blue dress to make things simple. Everyone has so many things on their minds and, in the end, I don't think some of these things are a big deal.
I am in my 50's and, I never thought I would say this, but it is a very different world then when i was getting married. I love my future DIL and her family. They don't plan ahead as much as I would like, but maybe that is what is meant by "the MOG should wear beige and shut up). I'm going with navy!

For issues that feel really require a response, why don't you say something like:

"I found a navy dress that would be great for the wedding, if you and your mom are OK with the color. I'm planning to order it on Wednesday, unless you tell me otherwise."

I'm not great at responding to texts, but messages like these catch my attention because they have deadlines for action.

I would never do this. The MOB takes the lead and your suggestion would be pushy.

My mom would not have given a shit. If the OP has been seeking feedback and no one is answering, I think it's fine to send the note with the deadline. If the OP or her mom really cared about the issue, they would have been on top of it. The fact that they aren't suggests it doesn't matter to them.

[Anonymous]

Many people absolutely do care what dress the MOG wears. I think Op is doing the right thing to run the color by the bride and MOB. If the DIL doesn't care all she has to do is say that. I guess OP you can assume she doesn't care as she hasn't responded. I would just send an email saying you have your dress and its navy.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my own mother once a week or less. If my MIL wanted to talk to me all the time - even by email or text - that would be too much.

My MIL copies DH on notes to me. One of us will respond - often him.

[Anonymous]

I will say, my MIL tried to get me to help her with her wedding outfit and it made me SUPER uncomfortable. I didn't feel close enough to her to give her my honest feedback when I thought what she picked out was awful. I also just didn't really care what she wore, as long as she felt comfortable and beautiful in it. That's what I kept telling her, but one day she insisted on trying on two different outfits (both were meh) and I felt so awkward. I tried to follow her daughter's lead who was encouraging one outfit over the other, which is the one she ended up going with. Did I love it? No. But it also didn't matter AT ALL.

For the record, we have a comfortable relationship, but I still would never give her fashion advice, even when asked.

[Anonymous]

To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the Daughter and son in laws who responded....no matter what you do when you interact with you Parents and in laws......it should be done with respect. No matter what, you should respect your parents. As far as your in laws are considered, you should treat them with respect out of respect to your spouse.
I am in my 50's and wonder what we did, myself included, to raise a generation of disrespectful people. Your parents matter.
We are not sitting ducks.....we get the final say.....in our wills!

Maybe what happened is that you raised a generation by coercing them with money or stickers or other rewards rather than just teaching them right from wrong. I don't give a shit about inheriting anyone's money. (I think it's much better to leave money to charity or soend it in your lifetime rather than raise people who feel entitled to the previous generation's earnings.)