Kids don't like my new boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bringing a "new" boyfriend around your kids?

No reason to have them meet someone you just started dating.

Exactly. Ring and a date. THEN the kids meet the new person.

I strongly disagree with this. I would never EVER agree to marry someone until he'd met and established a relationship with DD. It would be a dealbreaker for me for a man to propose to me without having met DD. We come as a package.

That said, OP, I guess it would depend on why the kids say they don't like your boyfriend and what else may be contributing to the situation (kids stressed out about other things, coparenting issues, etc.).

What I mean is, when you feel strongly enough to marry, then introduce the kids. Not before

[Anonymous]

Do you warm up to people immediately upon first meeting? Why should your kids? It takes time for people to know if they like or dislike someone. If they haven't had a chance to get comfortable or bond, they don't know how they feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bringing a "new" boyfriend around your kids?

No reason to have them meet someone you just started dating.

Exactly. Ring and a date. THEN the kids meet the new person.

I strongly disagree with this. I would never EVER agree to marry someone until he'd met and established a relationship with DD. It would be a dealbreaker for me for a man to propose to me without having met DD. We come as a package.

That said, OP, I guess it would depend on why the kids say they don't like your boyfriend and what else may be contributing to the situation (kids stressed out about other things, coparenting issues, etc.).

What I mean is, when you feel strongly enough to marry, then introduce the kids. Not before

Well, what you SAID was a ring and a date. I would not accept a ring from someone who had not met my daughter and I certainly wouldn't be setting a date with that person.

What I meant was that a large part of whether I would want to marry a man would be his relationship with my child. I introduced my daughter to the man who is now my fiance when I felt that our relationship was serious and when we had had conversations about what we wanted the future of our relationship to be. Frankly, though, until I saw how he interacted with DD, I was not "all in". There was no way I could have been, since "Does he have a good relationship with DD?" is huge criteria for whether the relationship would continue in any capacity.

Fortunately STBDH loves DD as if she was his own and established a respectful, appropriate relationship with her as soon as he was allowed to do so. So it wasn't an issue. But he didn't give me a ring until well after they'd met and we still haven't set a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bringing a "new" boyfriend around your kids?

No reason to have them meet someone you just started dating.

Exactly. Ring and a date. THEN the kids meet the new person.

I strongly disagree with this. I would never EVER agree to marry someone until he'd met and established a relationship with DD. It would be a dealbreaker for me for a man to propose to me without having met DD. We come as a package.

That said, OP, I guess it would depend on why the kids say they don't like your boyfriend and what else may be contributing to the situation (kids stressed out about other things, coparenting issues, etc.).

What I mean is, when you feel strongly enough to marry, then introduce the kids. Not before

Well, what you SAID was a ring and a date. I would not accept a ring from someone who had not met my daughter and I certainly wouldn't be setting a date with that person.

What I meant was that a large part of whether I would want to marry a man would be his relationship with my child. I introduced my daughter to the man who is now my fiance when I felt that our relationship was serious and when we had had conversations about what we wanted the future of our relationship to be. Frankly, though, until I saw how he interacted with DD, I was not "all in". There was no way I could have been, since "Does he have a good relationship with DD?" is huge criteria for whether the relationship would continue in any capacity.

Fortunately STBDH loves DD as if she was his own and established a respectful, appropriate relationship with her as soon as he was allowed to do so. So it wasn't an issue. But he didn't give me a ring until well after they'd met and we still haven't set a date.

For your kid's sake, I hope he sticks around. Nothing worse than growing attached and then he leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you bringing a "new" boyfriend around your kids?

No reason to have them meet someone you just started dating.

Exactly. Ring and a date. THEN the kids meet the new person.

I strongly disagree with this. I would never EVER agree to marry someone until he'd met and established a relationship with DD. It would be a dealbreaker for me for a man to propose to me without having met DD. We come as a package.

That said, OP, I guess it would depend on why the kids say they don't like your boyfriend and what else may be contributing to the situation (kids stressed out about other things, coparenting issues, etc.).

What I mean is, when you feel strongly enough to marry, then introduce the kids. Not before

Well, what you SAID was a ring and a date. I would not accept a ring from someone who had not met my daughter and I certainly wouldn't be setting a date with that person.

What I meant was that a large part of whether I would want to marry a man would be his relationship with my child. I introduced my daughter to the man who is now my fiance when I felt that our relationship was serious and when we had had conversations about what we wanted the future of our relationship to be. Frankly, though, until I saw how he interacted with DD, I was not "all in". There was no way I could have been, since "Does he have a good relationship with DD?" is huge criteria for whether the relationship would continue in any capacity.

Fortunately STBDH loves DD as if she was his own and established a respectful, appropriate relationship with her as soon as he was allowed to do so. So it wasn't an issue. But he didn't give me a ring until well after they'd met and we still haven't set a date.

For your kid's sake, I hope he sticks around. Nothing worse than growing attached and then he leaves.

Actually, there are a lot of things that are worse than that. As for "sticking around", I've got a ring. We are a family. Setting a date to go to a court house isn't as pressing as it would be if we were not actively raising a child together and juggling otherwise full and busy lives.

[Anonymous]

It depends how old the kids are and why. When I was in jr high totally hated one of my mom's boyfriend's because he was a conservative republican. In retrospect, that was unreasonable - he was otherwise a nice enough man, although the guy she wound up remarrying was a better match.