Kids don't like my new boyfriend
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Anonymous
Totally agree and this from a single dad with one DD. I've never introduced DD to just a "woman I'm dating" but when the time is right, when I'm in a relationship that has the real potential for the long-term, only then would I introduce DD, and her opinion, and how she and the SO get along, will matter a great deal to me. |
Anonymous
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My first thought when I saw the thread title : Troll
What mother with a half a brain needs to ask this question? |
Anonymous
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I did not like my mother's boyfriend that she broght home when I was 10. He barely said a word or made eye contact with me. My mother told me a month later we were moving in with him. My best friend since the age of four could not longer play at my house because she was "living in sin".
She did marry this man when his divorce was finalized. We did not get along even remotely until I moved out of the house. I developed major depression in my teens, failed high school, slept around a lot as a teen because I felt abandoned by my mother. This is not to say my stepfather caused all of these issues, but the situation where she focused entirely on him and his needs exarcerbated him. He was very wealthy, and I always had nice things after they married- but really it was cold comfort. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Ring and a date. THEN the kids meet the new person. |
Anonymous
| Terribly annoying for OP to post and not come back to answer relevant questions. |
Anonymous
I strongly disagree with this. I would never EVER agree to marry someone until he'd met and established a relationship with DD. It would be a dealbreaker for me for a man to propose to me without having met DD. We come as a package. That said, OP, I guess it would depend on why the kids say they don't like your boyfriend and what else may be contributing to the situation (kids stressed out about other things, coparenting issues, etc.). |
Anonymous
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But how old are the kids? How long have you been divorced? What's the kids' relationship like with their dad?
Teenagers, for example, might not like anyone. |
Anonymous
I would be very concerned. I remember when I was a kid and my mom was dating different men, there were a few that I had a bad feeling about - I didn't want to be around them. Kids can incredibly intuitive that way. Thankfully she married the man who was my very favorite who is now like a second father to me. |
Anonymous
| Some kids may not like any boyfriend/girlfriend due to other issues. The mother/father is entitled to have a significant other if that person truly is good, and the children's concerns are unwarranted. ESPECIALLY if the children are older. |
Anonymous
| Clearly OP is a troll. Not one update. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Yea, but shouldn't the mom find out the reasons and try to address them? Whether their issues are "warranted" or not, the kids are entitled to have a parent who is putting their needs first and addressing the issues. They deserve to be heard. My kids were in MS and ES when we divorced. Ex-DH actually refused to openly date because he had heard DD say it would be hard for her to accept someone new. I dated here and there but would not bring anyone around them until I did the prep work first. I believe that the adults have to be adults. Once my kids are off to college, different story. |
Anonymous
| How long have you been dating him? How old are the kids? Very important questions. |
Anonymous
| I couldn't stand my mom's boyfriend when they started dating. I actually ended up moving in with my grandmother, but my mom and I didn't get along well anyhow. Many years later, he is the best dad I've ever had and the best thing to ever happen to my mother. It is hard having to share your single parent, but it is very unhealthy to allow your children to dictate your relationships. You should be in a relationship before your kids meet this person, not just someone you are dating. Be sure that it is serious first. Then have a good talk with your children to tell them how you feel and what your expections for their behavior are. |
Anonymous
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I had a horrible feeling about many ofmy mothers boyfriends and they all turned out to be losers. When my mother married my stepfather and got pregnant when I was a teenager, I cried. Not for me but for my unborn sibling. I just knew something bad was going to happen. I was right. He ended up leaving her and taking everything. She and my brother were in and out of shelters for years. I was in college and couldn't help finanically.
I 100% believe 1) never bring a boyfriend around who you are not on the road to marry 2) if after a few meetings with your children don't go well then it's time to take a step back and reassess your relationship. Your child comes before your relationship..period. |